I was
recently dining with friends and was in the company of a man that truly made my
heart ache. He’s an older gentleman…a
physician of around 50/60 years old.
He’s a father of some amazing daughters and a proud grandfather as
well. And though we didn’t play any
games of trivia, it’s clear that he’s an intelligent guy. Best I can tell, you can b.s. your way
through a lot, but I doubt anyone’s b.s.’ing their way through medical
school. Just a thought.
So as we’re
gathered around the table breaking bread with one another, waitress after
waitress stops by our spot to give a hello to the doctor. And like the gentleman that he is, he briefly
canoodled with each of them as if they were the only woman alive. As if his day had just been made by the
presence of their beauty. And in
fashion, each girl giggled and tossed her hair, clearly soaking up every drop
of praise that was being tossed her way.
The doctor (who I will refer to as Sidney) was clearly in his
element. This restaurant was his spot,
and these were his “girls.” He loved
stealing hugs and other bits of affection from them and they loved being doted
over. Sounds like a win-win situation
right? Harmless enough? I thought so, but the night was still young…
I will do my
best to make it make sense for you, but Sidney really proved to be a mixed bag
of tricks making finite, definitive statements on one hand, and then completely
contradicting himself seconds later. You
would kill me if I wrote like that so I’m going to share the info with you in
the most linear fashion that I can conjure.
Sidney shared
with me that he’s lonely. That he wants
nothing more than to have a partner to call his own. A woman that will accept him for who he is,
someone that he’s able to be himself around, and someone to hold at night. That’s his wish and the dream he dreams each
night as he hugs his pillow to sleep.
He also told
me that he has challenges meeting women.
Didn’t sound like he was very good at it. He said to me, “Jaz, the only thing I know to
do is to impress them with my Bently and all my money.” I looked him straight in the eye and told him
that he was foolish and that his approach was utterly ridiculous. He then asked how he’s supposed to get women,
and I responded, “Open your mouth. When
you start having real conversation, you’ll start meeting real women.”
I’m really
giving you guys the Cliff’s Notes version of the evening – you have no idea…
Then it
really gets good. Sidney, with all the
passion one could muster, leans in, wags a finger, and says, “I don’t go on
dates! I refuse to go on dates! What am I gonna do? Ask a girl about her day? I don’t care about that. I just wanna f&^%!” [sorry kids who might be reading this]
Then with
just as much passion I got in his face and said, “Then say that! There is no shortage of women that are
looking for the exact same thing!”
Sidney and I exchanged a few more words – passionately, and then we
hugged it out.
Now let me
tell you why my heart aches for Sid.
Even though he told me he can never be monogamous, I don’t think I’ve
ever seen someone so open and so raw as he was when he told me how lonely he
is. And I’m sort of picking on him right
now, but Sidney’s not alone. Our world
is filled with men like him that are desperately trying to hold on to a vision
of themselves from days gone by. I would
imagine that he was probably the ultimate playboy fresh after his divorce. Life was good and his bedroom was revolving
door. But what he’s not realized is that
playtime is over, and it has nothing to do with his age. It’s over because it’s stopped being fun –
but he’s not completely willing to admit that just yet. He knows it in his heart, but he’s not ready
to say it out loud. So he’s continuing
to fill his life with stuff and people but never being fulfilled, and I told
him straight up, “Sidney, you’re lacking substance, and you won’t be happy
until you get some.” And I think that’s
the lesson for us all. Often times what
we want and what we need aren’t in alignment, but we will never know how it
feels to ride the rainbow of our lives until we make our needs our ultimate
wants. Don’t allow yourself to be sad
like Sidney. Get real with yourself once
and for all and give YOU what YOU need.
My name is
Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.
