Out With the Old, In With the New Year!

I have no doubt that today is a day of reflection for many. It’s the last…the end of yet another 365 day cycle; and good, bad, or indifferent, we’ve made it. Fingers crossed, we will wake up tomorrow morning with smiles on our faces ready to meet the highs and lows of the year we’re calling 2013. Today is indeed a good day. And for the final time this year, I will share with you what I’ve managed to get done. With the goal of accomplishing one new thing each month, this is how my 2012 shaped up…

JANUARY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES successfully completed another run by participating in Whitefire Theatre’s Solofest 2012.

FEBRUARY

I participated in another installment of URBAN LEGENDS, a poetry showcase held several times a year in Hollywood, CA.

I co-directed the short play THE BLACK HISTORY OF POLITICS written by Justin Key.

MARCH

I was a featured guest on the Rare Woman show, and the interview can be heard here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-031612.mp3

APRIL

I worked at this year’s Milk and Bookies (http://www.milkandbookies.org/), which is a celebrity charity event that focuses on literacy and giving books to children that don’t have access to books of their own. It was a wildly fun event and I was part of a host of character actors brought in to entertain the kids in attendance. The character I played? The White Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland, and yes – Alice was there with me. We had a blast.

In addition, I had the great fortune of being the guest on the Rare Woman radio show again last Friday. Feel free to listen here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-042712.mp3.

MAY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES had a successful run of a show sponsored by the Rare Woman organization on May 12, 2012.

I was the guest speaker at A Celebration of Strong Women presented by The Dream Catcher’s Foundation on May 31, 2012.

JUNE

I worked as Associate Producer on CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE, an indie short written and directed by Nicolle Whalen. It’s a comedic film taking a look at how far one will go to secure funds for a film. In addition it gives perspective on the homeless living in Los Angeles. I had a small cameo in the film as well.

JULY

I have created my very first poetry CD. The title is STILL STANDING and it’s a compilation of some of my most intimate pieces, really letting you into the life and mind of the person that is Jasmynne Shaye. My poems are laid to original music by Jasonic Audio. I’m calling it the soundtrack of my life. Interested in owning your own copy? Email Noelle Ryan for info: soft_noelle@yahoo.com

AUGUST

I have been hired to be a regular contributor for the new online presence: YEAH I SAID IT MAGAZINE (http://yeahisaiditmagazine.com/). I was invited by the site's founder and creator, Bonnie Sludikoff, because of my unique writing style. With this site it is her goal to cultivate conversations that engage and enlighten at the same time. I am super excited to be a part of this fresh, new online space, and I can't wait to unleash my tongue on the world! Yeah, I said it! [More info regarding the site's official launch will be forthcoming.]

SEPTEMBER

I was one of three selected artists invited to provide entertainment at this year’s Miss California Ethnic World Pageant. I performed an excerpt from my one-woman show, STEPPING ON A FEW TOES, and had an absolute blast. It was a great opportunity and a wonderful experience.

OCTOBER

I worked as Associate Producer on a short film written by David Burrus, Sr and David Burrus Jr. It’s called PARANEGRO ACTIVITY and is an obvious take on the popular Paranormal Activity series. The film is directed by Jaimyon Parker and it describes how events are likely to unfold if the freaky events were to take place within the home of a African American family. The set was ton and I’ll stop right there before I get to giving it all away. As always, it was a blast to be able to team up with Jai Parker again. His brilliance and creativity continues to blow me away. Stay tuned for more updates on PARANEGRO ACTIVITY.

NOVEMBER

Both sites get a facelift!! That’s right gang… the Jasmynne Shaye website and the Stepping On a Few Toes site both have fresh new looks – wait for it – created by yours truly!! Yesireebob! I did it all myself. I put that challenge on myself a few months ago, and I tied myself to a computer until they were complete. So I welcome you to check them both out. Now each site is equipped with an online purchasing section where you’re able to pick up your own copy of the show as well as other fun things. So go on…have a look-see and tell me what you think.

DECEMBER

In a sentence: I made it to New York.

I set goals for myself every year but I’ve never forced myself to achieve monthly accomplishments. In doing so I stretched myself and saw that I’m capable of much more than I thought. And having to remain accountable to my readers was key. Of course I never wanted to let myself down, but I certainly didn’t want to ever have to come to you all with my tail between my legs saying, “I tried.” This was such a worthwhile project and I think it’s one I may have to carry over into next year, and I really urge you all to join me. Just by putting this kind of expectant, positive energy into the universe good things come to you that you hadn’t even thought of or asked for. Three easy steps:

1. Set the goal

2. Make a plan

3. Follow through

It’s really not that difficult. Even the most daunting tasks can be broken down into bite-sized pieces. I think the important thing is to do something everyday. When you lay your head to rest each night you should be able to do so with a smile on your face knowing that you’re one step closer than you were before that day began. It’s so empowering and it totally builds your self-confidence. I am now at the place where I no longer believe anything is impossible. Everything is possible as far as I’m concerned and I’m excited to unwrap the box of possibilities that is waiting for me on the other side of midnight.

I want to take a moment to thank you all for journeying with me on this blog all year. You have given me so many kind words and so much encouragement. I sincerely thought me and my imaginary friends would be the only people reading this thing and you guys have shocked the pants off me. Thank you HUGE and many blessings to you all. I pray 2012 has given you at least one thing to smile about and I hope 2013 continues to build on that positive energy. I really think we’re all gonna be in for a wild ride and I could not be more excited! Whew! Come on guys! Celebrate (safely) tonight and kiss number ’12 good-bye, because ’13 has told me, “We ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”

Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I love you guys!

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo:  http://www.prlog.org/12032440-new-year-2013.jpg 

See The Possibilities & Love Their Potential

I believe it to be a very noble thing to choose to see someone as their potential as opposed to scrutinizing their faults. Very noble, indeed. And you know what I mean. Especially the parents out there. In those moments when your son or daughter has behaved less like an angel and more like something else; you can either cut them at their knees cursing the day they were born, or you can continue to love and support them because though they don't quite see it yet – you see more. You're able to look beyond today's mishaps and see them as the being they are meant to become. You have no problem forgiving their blunders, small and large, because you know for a fact that this sort of behavior is only temporary.

I know this is an area that parents are all too familiar with. Teachers as well. Pick any school, and any grade and you'll find a teacher that has at one time or another believed in a student much more than said student was able to believe in themselves. I think this gentle-hearted attitude can also be found in romantic relationships. As a mater of fact, I know it can.

Someone recently shared a story with me about a couple that has been together for more than thirty years. Today what everyone sees is a strong, rock solid marriage that most will only taste in their dreams. But when I learned of how this couple's relationship began, I realized they have come a very long way...

At the onset of their dating relationship, the man was a bit of a loose cannon while the female was a bit more traditional, refined, and put together. He was into things, people and activities that she could not be paid to be involved in, yet she stayed. She continued dating a man that, on the outside, appeared to be nothing but trouble. He was an absolute mess, and it seemed he really had nothing to offer her. Yet she stayed.

I didn't get a blow-by-blow of the in's and out's of the courtship, because I didn't need them. The story was already becoming very clear to me. I learned that she stayed because even in his chaos she saw the potential for greatness. As he wandered aimlessly she somehow knew where the course would lead. She saw his strength before he had any. She saw his power when he was weak. She may well have been the only person that could have tolerated his rambunctious behavior, killing him with kindness the whole way through.

And I know it took me a while to get here, but that's the point I want to make to you today. In human interactions you have no control over how the other person will behave. You have no control over their actions nor over the words they speak. But you have COMPLETE control over your own. No matter what the circumstance is, you have 100% control over how you respond and react to it. Every emotion you feel, I'm sure, has a valid point of origin and I don't discount that; but it's your choice to operate in a tit-for-tat space or in a space of love and kindness.

Someone steps on your shoe, so you step on theirs.

Someone calls you a name, so you call them a worse name.

Someone makes a comment that rubs you the wrong way, so you give them the tongue lashing of the century.

Sure. Absolutely. You have every right to respond in that manner, and I won't sit here and say otherwise. But I will say those responses/reactions aren't the only ones available to you. Those may be the easiest to access in your bag of tricks – I'll give you that, but they aren't the only things in the bag. And it definitely takes some time to respond with love when the other person seems to be hating everything about you. It is no easy task, because if it were everyone would be doing it; but it's a task worth putting to practice.

Back to the story of that husband and wife...they are now strong examples in their community of what a supportive, loving couple looks like. But please understand they would have never gotten there if not for the patience, understanding, and the love the now wife showed her then boyfriend when he was behaving less than favorably. It's something for all of us to think about.

I'm not suggesting you be a doormat and put up with every bit of silliness and shenanigans that gets thrown your way. But I am saying in those moments when you see potential in that other person...exercise a little patience. Choose love over bitterness and anger. That may be just the bit of encouragement he/she needs to get their act together.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo: www.stockfreeimages.com

There Is So Much Healing In a Single Dose

When I turned on my computer this morning, I was welcomed by a touching email from a friend and colleague. Without going into too much detail, I want to share with you a snippet of the message:

“It was a blessing to meet you and experience you up close and personal. Your performance, rare and stunningly authentic spoke volumes to so many. Thank you for sharing with me during those couple of intense conversations we had.”

I don't share this with you to wave a compliment in your face – it's not about that at all. And if you feel that way, I apologize to you greatly. I share it to show the importance of telling another when they've affected us in a positive way. When I read this email, it completely warmed my heart. I immediately read it a second time and have read it at least four or five times since. This note reminded me of my goals and my purpose – not that I've ever forgotten, but it is very easy to put things on our mental back-burners when life throws us some mess. And what I've got to learn for myself is that everything isn't urgent. Not everything needs to be tended to right now. Not everyone needs my attention ASAP. No disrespect to anyone, but there is much work to do, and I am only one person. I have always been just one person, and I'm not complaining; but I have come to learn my limits. Though it hurts and stings a little, sometimes saying , “no” is the best thing I can do.

Let's see if I can get back on course here. I seemed to have strayed a little from the point I originally wanted to make. Sharing positivity with another. It's essential. It really is. If you have a friend, coworker, or family member that has affected you in a positive way, you owe it to that person to let them know. By you taking the time to relay that message you return the blessing to them. Does that make sense? They have, whether or purpose or by accident, managed to bless you in some way – the least you could do is let them know how much their presence and kindness has meant to you. And simply by doing so, you will, in turn, bless them.

It's really that simple. People need to know when they've made a positive impact on your life. They need to hear it. Life can be so tumultuous at times, that it's very easy for any of us to say out loud or to ourselves, “Why bother?” And even in those moments when we just want to surrender to the lemons that are being thrown our way, we are well within our right to do so and no one would think ill of us. But when we get that bit of friendly encouragement it fills our tank and gives us just enough fuel to march ahead. It gives us the strength to pick up the pile of lemons that has collected at our feet and turn them into our best batch of lemonade yet. It revitalizes us. Gives us a much needed slap on the hiney saying, “You can do it!” That's what this morning's email did to me. I feel like I'm on top of the world and like nothing can stop me. So you know what I did?

#1: I wrote a message back to my friend expressing my thanks and gratitude for blessing me with such thoughtful words.

#2: I wrote a similar message to someone that has been a blessing to me in my life over the years.

So stop being stingy. If someone puts a smile on your face; let them know. If someone touches your spirit; let them know. If someone warms your heart, don't be afraid to let them know. Do your part so that the circle of blessings continues. I don't think anyone would argue that we would all benefit from an extra dose of heartfelt kindness.

So your homework assignment? Let someone know how they've been a positive impact on you today. Before you rest your head on your pillow tonight, please do that much for me – and watch what happens.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo: www.stockfreeimages.com

Do The Work :: Get The Benefits

Hello, gang. I missed posting this past Tuesday, and I come to you with my head held low begging for your forgiveness. Life has been a roller coaster of actions and emotions over the past few weeks – so perhaps a break was needed. I will do my best not to let it happen again (been saying a lot of that lately).

I'm thanking God for this internet cafe next door to the church I've just left. It's all very timely because I want to talk to you guys about benefits and rewards today. It’s a topic that I think I’ve broached in the past, but I’m feeling the need to dig just a bit deeper on this Friday the 14^th. An extremely wise person said to me a week or two ago, “You can’t expect to receive the benefits without first putting in some work.” He went on to use the analogy of a new employee at a company…

I remember when I first began looking for work, my dad would tell me, “Ask about the benefits. A lot of times an attractive benefits package will make up for a lack in monetary compensation.” So that’s what I did. With each interview I learned to not only appreciate the paycheck they wanted to offer, but I quickly began to understand this whole ‘benefits’ talk that my dad spoke of. And they seemed to come in all shapes and sizes: health coverage with little or no deductible, full vision, full dental, free gym memberships, free travel (sometimes first class), expense account, fuel account, petty cash, free child care, paid school tuition for continuing education, sick days, vacation days, personal days…I mean the list goes on and on. And sometimes these awesome benefits were met with equally awesome salaries. That’s when my inner self would begin to grin that enormous grin and dance with an uncontrollable joy. But – and most of the time there was always a but – there was inevitably always some sort of trial period. A “test run” if you will. The employer’s fine print: “You’re the new kid on the block, and we need to make sure you’re worth investing in. So before we just hand over all these awesome benefits, we need you to clock in ninety days of work first. You give us ninety days :: we give you benefits.”

Well, they never put it quite like that, but that’s what they meant. And this is how it was being broken down to me. Now I’m about to be transparent with ya’ll for a minute. Hold on to your seats.

The lesson I was being given was on the topic of romantic relationships. Let’s recall the statement again: “You can’t expect to receive the benefits without first putting in some work.”

Here’s what you may not know about me (dear God…): I have an unhealthy fear of failure (in every respect). (Here we go.) I have seen nothing but broken, unhealthy relationships growing up. Nothing lasting. Nothing real. I’ve witnessed destruction, dysfunction, betrayal, and abuse and I’ve seen what that does to a person. I’ve seen what it does to the children that are products of such chaos, and I made a vow to myself at the age of twelve, that I would never be that. That I would never do that. I wanted no parts of a broken, failed relationship. No parts of it at all. I sought out role models that were living in happy homes with rich, fulfilling relationships, and I listened at their feet. I took copious notes as I hoped to follow in their footsteps and learn from their mistakes. Did you hear that??? In an effort to sidestep mistakes of my own I hoped to follow the blueprints of others. Did you hear it that time? And the sad part about it is that it still sounds somewhat sane to me. I still see the sense in it.

The quote again: “You can’t expect to receive the benefits without first putting in some work.”

For years I’ve only been focusing on the benefits. The good outcome. The happily ever after. That’s all I cared to learn about. That’s all I wanted to study. Because I knew what chaos and destruction smelled like. I witnessed all that more times than I care to admit – so I never felt the need to study ‘problems.’ I knew ‘problems.’

And I was right. I do know problems. I am very familiar with most of them. I can spot them a mile away. But what I am unfamiliar with is ‘work.’ I’ve never seen ‘work.’ I’ve never witnessed compromise. I can’t even begin to tell you what ‘working through something’ looks like. I have not the first clue. I know how to avoid. I know how to run away. I know how to ignore. But ‘deal with’? Nope – that’s beyond my scope of expertise. And what I’m being taught is that it’s a very necessary part of any partnership. It is virtually impossible for anyone to receive the richest benefits that a relationship has to offer if they’ve not first put in some work. It just won’t happen. And I see that now. My eyes have been opened (thankfully) and I am aware of the work I’ve got to do. I’m talking to myself in this post, but I hope it reaches at least one other person out there. What I’ve learned is that I can’t be so afraid to fail that I’m afraid to try, because at the end of the day you can’t win the race if you’re sitting on the sidelines.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

>> To all the individuals and families affected by the Connecticut school shooting, my deepest and most sincere thoughts and prays are with you on this most tragic day. <<

Photo credit: www.stockfreeimages.com

Two Websites Get a Little Nip/Tuck

My friends, we’re here.  We’ve somehow managed to stumble our way through this year they’re calling 2012 and we’ve made it to her last and final month.  Whew!  What a time?!?  Good grief!  In all of my conversations with friends and acquaintances I’m hearing across the board that 2012 brought folks a special kind of hell that most were not accustomed to, and certainly unprepared for.  Worry not.  We’re about to bid her fair well, and happily welcome 2013 with open arms.  But before we do, let’s do our best to give 2012 a run for her rusted coins by showing her we’re not gonna take her silliness lying down.  I’m certainly telling her to put up her dukes ‘cause it’s do or die time right now and I refuse to go out like a punk!

Here’s a look at my year so far...

JANUARY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES successfully completed another run by participating in Whitefire Theatre’s Solofest 2012.

FEBRUARY

I participated in another installment of URBAN LEGENDS, a poetry showcase held several times a year in Hollywood, CA.

I co-directed the short play THE BLACK HISTORY OF POLITICS written by Justin Key.

MARCH

I was a featured guest on the Rare Woman show, and the interview can be heard here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-031612.mp3 

APRIL

I worked at this year’s Milk and Bookies (http://www.milkandbookies.org/) which is a celebrity charity event that focuses on literacy and giving books to children that don’t have access to books of their own. It was a wildly fun event and I was part of a host of character actors brought in to entertain the kids in attendance. The character I played? The White Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland, and yes – Alice was there with me. We had a blast.

In addition, I had the great fortune of being the guest on the Rare Woman radio show again last Friday. Feel free to listen here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-042712.mp3

MAY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES had a successful run of a show sponsored by the Rare Woman organization on May 12, 2012.

I was the guest speaker at A Celebration of Strong Women presented by The Dream Catcher’s Foundation on May 31, 2012.

JUNE

I worked as Associate Producer on CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE, an indie short written and directed by Nicolle Whalen. It’s a comedic film taking a look at how far one will go to secure funds for a film. In addition it gives perspective on the homeless living in Los Angeles. I had a small cameo in the film as well.

JULY

I have created my very first poetry CD. The title is STILL STANDING and it’s a compilation of some of my most intimate pieces, really letting you into the life and mind of the person that is Jasmynne Shaye. My poems are laid to original music by Jasonic Audio. I’m calling it the soundtrack of my life. Interested in owning your own copy? Email Noelle Ryan for info: soft_noelle@yahoo.com 

AUGUST

I have been hired to be a regular contributor for the new online presence: YEAH I SAID IT MAGAZINE (http://yeahisaiditmagazine.com/). I was invited by the site's founder and creator, Bonnie Sludikoff, because of my unique writing style. With this site it is her goal to cultivate conversations that engage and enlighten at the same time. I am super excited to be a part of this fresh, new online space, and I can't wait to unleash my tongue on the world! Yeah, I said it! [More info regarding the site's official launch will be forthcoming.]

SEPTEMBER

I was one of three selected artists invited to provide entertainment at this year’s Miss California Ethnic World Pageant.  I performed an excerpt from my one-woman show, STEPPING ON A FEW TOES, and had an absolute blast.  It was a great opportunity and a wonderful experience.

OCTOBER

I worked as Associate Producer on a short film written by David Burrus Sr and David Burrus Jr.  It’s called PARANEGRO ACTIVITY and is an obvious take on the popular Paranormal Activity series.  The film is directed by Jaimyon Parker and it describes how events are likely to unfold if the film's freaky happenings were to take place within the home of an African American family.  The set was a ton of fun, and I’ll stop right there before I get to giving it all away.  As always, it was a blast to be able to team up with Jai Parker again.  His brilliance and creativity continue to blow me away.  Stay tuned for more updates on PARANEGRO ACTIVITY.

NOVEMBER

Both sites get a facelift!!  That’s right gang... the Jasmynne Shaye website and the Stepping On a Few Toes site both have fresh new looks – wait for it – created by yours truly!!!  Yesireebob!  I did it all myself.  I put that challenge on myself a few months ago, and I tied myself to a computer until they were complete.  So I welcome you to check them both out.  Now each site equipped with an online purchasing section where you’re able to pick up your own copy of the show as well as other fun things.  So go on...have a look-see and tell me what you think.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo:  stockfreeimages.com

Watch Me Take Flight

It’s not my quote, but I either read it somewhere this week, or someone shared it with me:  “Challenges in life are just opportunities.”  It may even be one of those fortune cookie proverbs that everyone but me has heard before.  But when I heard it (or read it), I was compelled to write it down and meditate on it for a while because it instantly reminded me of the film EVAN ALMIGHTY.  If you’ve seen it you know that it’s a little – ok, more than a little – cheesy; like they are really doing too much.  I’ll be honest, first time I popped the DVD in, the best things I had to say about it were the DVD extras and behind the scenes stuff.  I digress, but as a film they wanted to practice what they were preaching so they calculated the carbon footprint made during the entire filming process, and planted a tree for each footprint.  Kinda cool…the whole cast rode bikes to set everyday…stuff like that… But the film itself just didn’t move me.  Then for some silly reason earlier this year I had a hankerin’ to rewatch this snoozer of a film.  Made absolutely no sense.  I stood there with the DVD in my hand for what seemed like thirty minutes or more saying, “You’ve already seen this, and it tanked.”  But again, for some silly reason, I popped it in, and snuggled up with my Stewie Griffin doll to watch.  And as if it was a previously deleted scene the next thing that I’m about to share with you might as well had jumped off the screen into my living room, it was so profound.  Here we go… 

If you haven’t seen the movie I won’t be spoiling much of anything, but I’m not gonna’ spend any time giving you a lot of back story.  That’s not the important part.  It’s this conversational exchange that I want you to get.  OK, I lied…this is the only back story you get:  at the start of the movie the wife mentioned below prayed to God that her family grow closer and stronger.  Take a look… (paraphrasing) 

GOD:  You seem a little down.  Are you ok?

WIFE:  You heard of New York’s Noah?  Well, that’s my husband.

GOD:  Oh, wow.

WIFE:  I just don’t know what to do.  He’s hell-bent on building this ark, and I just think it’s crazy.  Gosh…what would you do?

GOD:  Sounds like an opportunity to me.

WIFE:  What?  What do you mean?

GOD:  Well someone prays for courage – God doesn’t instantly bless them with courage.  He gives them an opportunity to be courageous.  Someone prays to God for strength – He doesn’t just shower them with strength; He gives them an opportunity to be strong.  Someone says a prayer asking that their family grow closer – it doesn’t happen with a snap of a finger.  God gives them an opportunity to build closeness. 

B  A  M  !!!!!! 

I lie to you not.  I stopped the DVD, looked around my apartment, and asked stuffed Stewie if he had just heard what I had just heard.  Stewie nodded (with some help from my hand) so I hit rewind and watched that clip seven more times before I let the rest of the film play out.  What.  The.  Deuce?  I’m telling you just as sure as I sit right here and type, I have no doubt that that message was meant for me.  I was at the beginnings of hell breaking itself loose in my life and that bit of on-screen dialogue lifted me up in a major way.  I kept it with me for a long time this year, but when “challenges in life are just opportunities” was presented to me two days ago; I realized I hadn’t thought of my EVAN ALMIGHTY exchange in a while.  I feel like the resurgence of the quote was the universe tapping me on my shoulder saying, “remember this?”  And all of it has so impacted me that I felt compelled to share it with you.  It’s definitely a different mindset than most of us are taught.  Embracing challenges and hardships?  Seeing the hell of it all as an opportunity?  For real, God?  Yep, He’s for real.  But it’s not about a system of belief – get that through your head.  Let me show you why… 

Let’s take it back to learning to ride a bike – or learning any sport for that matter.  You fall off the bike, off the ice skates, tumble over the hurdles on the track time and time again = challenge.  The opportunities you’re being presented with are many. 

Here your chance to:

-- build your discipline

-- increase your focus

-- develop patience

-- build your physical fitness

-- hone your craft 

Disguised as a challenge, these are the opportunities that you’re being given, and you know I’m right.  Apply that same logic and thought process to every other challenge you’re presented with and watch yourself soar.  Move over, ‘cause I’m about to spread my wings right now – don’t want to hit you. 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

Is That Your House On the Corner?

When you know who you are and you know your worth, there are just some things that you will not tolerate.  But when you know neither, you end up living on the corner of Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However Lane.  And that is an ugly place to be.  No rules.  No standards.  No procedural systems in place creating a life of chaos where you’re jumping from one fire to the next.  Who really wants to live like that?  Spending all your energy putting out fires and implementing urgent measures of damage control at every turn.  For what?  Because he’s foolish?  Because she’s messed up in the head?  Because your boss has it out for you?  Because your professor’s a jerk?  Stop pointing fingers because once again, the buck stops with you.  People can only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.  They can only get away with those things that you don’t call them out on.  YOU are the problem – not them.  YOU need to get YOUR act together in order for THEM to change their ways.  When you’re driving from state to state you change your speed many times primarily because you’ve been asked to do so by the posted signs alongside the road.  Standards have been established and you’ve been expected to abide by them, or suffer the consequences.  Your life is no different.  Human interaction is no different.  You have to set the standards by which you want to be dealt.  You have to:

 

(a) set the standards

(b) inform those around you of said standards

(c) develop consequences for not keeping in line with your standards

(d) enforce those consequences at every turn

 

And when you look at it in that fashion, I even admit, it looks and sounds a bit too rigid – too unforgiving.  But let me show you what the alternative is…

 

You have an argument with your significant other and he tells you to “Shut the f*&% up!” or she attacks you purposefully pushing the one button that will send you over the edge.  Those living in chaos will accept this behavior as, “Oh, he didn’t mean it,” or “That’s just how she is.”  They will eventually kiss and make up just to catch the bus to the verbal lashings to be exchanged in a few days; and that will be their cycle.  They will live a life of misery, pain, hurt, and dysfunction because no one has set any standards.

 

On the flip side…for that female that has standards, the first time some craziness came out of his mouth she would have called him on it.  Letting him know that she is not to be talked to that way.  Letting him know that she will not stay in even a relationship where she’s not respected.  At that point he has a choice:  (1) follow the new posted speed limit or (2) continue driving at the speed he’s been cruising at for some time.  That’s it.  The ball is now in his court and the choice is now his. 

 

The tricky part comes when he/she slips up after the standards and consequences have already been discussed.  You have to be strong enough to enforce the consequence or else you’ve completely failed yourself.  Honestly.  You are worth so much more and you need to demand the dignity and the respect that you deserve.  That goes for everyone.  Don’t let people do you any kind of way – don’t.  Let them know who you are upfront.  You’ll be so happy you did.  There is so much power, strength and confidence that comes when operating on this level.  It’s a confidence that can’t be shaken and it’s a respect that others can see from a mile away.  Vow to get some of that for yourself.  If you’re living on the corner of  Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However Lane, please plan to relocate.  Your peace of mind is depending on it. 

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

 

 

Learn To Wait

If ever you find yourself in a state of confusion or at a crossroads and you’ve got some hesitance about which way to turn.  Wait.

 

If you’ve been going a hundred miles an hour then something happens to knock you off your game just a bit and you’re not sure how to handle it.  Wait.

 

In matters of the heart, if things seem to be ok, but you’re still not quite sure about him/her.  Wait.

 

If you fear making the wrong decision, ask your higher power (HP) to step in.  Vow to reach no conclusions on your own.  Especially if you have an itch in your gut.  Because I’ve learned that those itches are there for a reason.

 

Let me tell you what waiting does – and I’m not gonna take all day.

 

1. Waiting gives you just enough time to think clearly.  Even if it’s only for seconds, often that’s all we need to come to the right conclusion.

 

2.  Waiting allows time for the other party to show their true colors – because they always will.  These are colors that have probably been present since the beginning, but appeared faded to your eye.  Perhaps you justified them in some way.  However, time allows them to relax just enough to slip up, and give you a glimpse at your future.  You may ask surprisingly, “Where did that come from?!?”  Quit playing silly.  It was always there and you know it.  Just thank God you didn’t act in haste.

 

3.  Waiting allows your higher your HP to see your true intent, so that you can be nudged in the right direction.  Sometimes WE have to prove OURselves worthy of guidance.  HP wants to see if you’ve (a) learned from past mistakes, (b) got three shreds of patience within you, (c) asked for guidance with a sincere heart.

 

And believe you me. I know that waiting can be a b*&^% at times.  We just want to jump right, run left, move south, and power north – all at the same time.  Calm ya butt down a little bit!  Wait.  Just sit down and wait.  No need to be a fool (again).  The proper choice ALWAYS reveals itself.  And wouldn’t you rather it be revealed before you made a step in the wrong direction as opposed to having to say, “Dang.  I wish I’d waited.”

 

Patience is a virtue.  I didn’t make that up – it’s for reals.  Get some and learn to wait.

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.curtfleenor.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Waiting-for-Sunset.jpg

The 14th Annual Day of the Child

Difficult as it is believe, there are children living in Los Angeles who have never spent a day at the ocean with their family, or have even seen the beach at all. Nor have they felt the rush of cool air from the vantage point of the ubiquitous Californian icons, the roller coasters on the Santa Monica Pier.   

It is equally as hard to comprehend that in a city with the wealth and glamour of Los Angeles, there are tens of thousands of foster children who have little or no support keeping them from the streets of broken dreams.  However, CHILDREN UNITING NATIONS (CUN) aims to make a difference.   

This past Sunday I had the wonderful pleasure of participating in CUN’s 14^th annual Day of the Child.  For this very special event the Santa Monica Pier was closed to the public and instead it hosted 1,000 youth in foster care between the ages of 4-18.  CUN provided each foster youth with a mentor for the day (for which I was one) for a fun-filled time of rides, food, games, arts & crafts, live entertainment and celebrity guests.  It was truly a celebration of the human spirit and a day of inspiration.   

Each child learned how to write their name in Israeli, participated in dance contests, enjoyed great barbecue, received a free book of their choice, a free book bag, and lots of free toys, give-aways, school supplies, and toiletries.  There was live entertainment from a variety of up and coming artists as well as established ones including The Rejects and Tommy the Clown and the Clown Crew.  It was so awesome and my heart was filled with such joy to see the seas of people that came together to volunteer their time to make sure the children had a day to remember.  And I can’t quite figure who had more fun, me or my mentee – because I straight up had a blast!  If the opportunity ever presents itself, I encourage everyone to help a child in need.  It’s about the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do.  It’s a gesture that is more than appreciated, and it’s something that child will remember for the rest of their lives.  Those are the kind of memories you want to help create, and each of us has the power to do it.

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Create “Me Moments”

When most people hear the term “self-love” their thoughts tend to gravitate toward visuals of tree-huggers, save-the-whalers, folks carrying canvas bags while wearing recycled clothing, and Tony Robbins grinning his big grin to a coliseum full of gullible fools.  And though all these things can stem from aspects of self-love, the concept itself goes so much deeper than this.  Self.  Love.  Loving yourself.  In its simplest form once could just ask, “How do you treat someone that you love?  Romantically or otherwise?”

-- You are genuinely concerned about their well-being.

-- You communicate with them frequently.

-- You trust them.

-- You encourage them. 

-- You support them.

-- You make time for their needs.

-- You celebrate their accomplishments.

-- You’re honest with them.

-- You don’t belittle them.

-- You allow them to vent.

-- You’ve got their back.

-- You don’t let them go astray.

-- You give to them without expectation.

-- You relax with them.

-- You make future plans with them.

-- You remind them that they are loved and cared for.

Can you apply the list above to your mother?  Your father?  Your siblings?  Your significant other?  Your spouse?  Chances are most will apply to the important people in your life – but do they apply to you?  Do you treat yourself the same way you treat them?  And before you answer, take another look at the list.  Study it and ask for each item if it applies to how you treat yourself.  And miss me with the old, “I don’t have time” bit.  Let me tell you, you make time for the stuff that’s important to you.  You make time.  Each night when the clock strikes 12 midnight we have exactly 24 hours before it reaches midnight again.  Twenty-four hours.  We’re all given the exact same amount of time each day – that’s one thing I am certain of.  And it’s up to you how you choose to use those precious hours.  And even if you’re a mom – one kid…five kids… you have to make time for you.  You gotta’.  The kids need you functioning at 100% at all times.  And though that may not always be possible, there are certainly measures that you can take to ensure your tank never falls below 80%.  And it’s all up to you.  No one else can read your tank except you.  Folks may see you begin to look a little raggedy and haggard if you fall below 50%, but they may not always know the reason(s) why.  But you do.  You know that you’ve put everyone else ahead of you and now you’re resenting them for it.  Well, sunshine, I hate to tell ya, but it’s not their fault.  It’s no one’s job but yours to refill your tank and take “me moments” every now and again.  You have to.  You’re worth it.  And, if I’m being honest, we hate the way you look when your tank falls below 50%.  Handle that.  I’m asking you to love yourself.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.