It’s All Gravy

So I’ve made it.  WE made it!  Here we sit at the half-way mark of 2012 with six months of the year officially behind us!  I don’t know about you, but this has been one of the toughest years I’ve ever experienced.  All hell broke loose for me in December and that hell barged its way right into my new year wreaking all kinds of havoc; ripping me to shreds bit by bit until the self of me that was left standing was completely unrecognizable and quite honestly barely standing at all. 

Well it’s taken much more time than I had liked, but I’m finally feeling like me again.  Finally feeling like I’ve choked the life out of the hell that’s been haunting me for the past six months, and now I’m ready to do some real damage in this second half of the year.  Interestingly enough, even with all of my misfortune, all of my let-downs, all of my blunders, failures, and disappointments, I’ve still somehow managed to uphold my contract to you and accomplish one new thing each month.  Here’s my year so far…

JANUARY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES successfully completed another run by participating in Whitefire Theatre’s Solofest 2012.

FEBRUARY

I participated in another installment of URBAN LEGENDS, a poetry showcase held several times a year in Hollywood, CA.

I co-directed the short play THE BLACK HISTORY OF POLITICS written by Justin Key.

MARCH

I was a featured guest on the Rare Woman show, and the interview can be heard here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-031612.mp3

APRIL

I worked at this year’s Milk and Bookies (http://www.milkandbookies.org/), which is a celebrity charity event that focuses on literacy and giving books to children that don’t have access to books of their own.  It was a wildly fun event and I was part of a host of character actors brought in to entertain the kids in attendance.  The character I played?  The White Rabbit from Alice Iin Wonderland, and yes – Alice was there with me.  We had a blast.

In addition, I had the great fortune of being the guest on the Rare Woman radio show again last Friday.  Feel free to listen here:  http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-042712.mp3.

MAY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES had a successful run of a show sponsored by the Rare Woman organization on May 12, 2012.

I was the guest speaker at A Celebration of Strong Women presented by The Dream Catcher’s Foundation on May 31, 2012.

JUNE

I worked as Associate Producer on CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE, an indie short written and directed by Nicolle Whalen.  It’s a comedic film taking a look at how far one will go to secure funds for a film.  In addition it gives perspective on the homeless living in Los Angeles.  I had a small cameo in the film as well.

So I’m gonna’ leave it there today.  Not gonna’ talk your ear off.  One half is behind us and we’ve got six months to go.  Still time to salvage the year and make a major dent in 2012.  If you’ve fallen off track now is the time to dust yourself off, remember your purpose, visualize the goal and take the first step.  That’s typically the hardest one, but everything’s all gravy after that.  You like gravy don’t ya?  (Yes, I’m from North Carolina.  #dontjudgeme)

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo credit:  http://www.simplyrecipes.com/photos/gravy-web.jpg  

Draw a Line in the Sand

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.  Those are two things for which I am certain.  I know for a fact that I am my worst critic.  I had a realization last year when I was speaking with a friend.  These words came out of my mouth:

“I can’t live up to my own standards, how can I expect someone else to?”

OUCH!  The second I said it, I couldn’t believe it was me doing the talking.  It’s one thing to feel something and it’s another to give that feeling words – words that form a sentence so clear and that cuts so deep.  If I’m being honest, that’s me in a nutshell.  Judgy Jessie.  Yet I would never call myself judgmental – not at all.  I let people grow and go at their own pace, and I accept everyone for who they are.  I learned the hard way that there really is no changing anyone (that isn’t seeking change for themselves).  BUT – if they aren’t as driven as me, as determined as me, as focused as me, as disciplined as me, if they don’t have the integrity that I have plus some, if they don’t have a solid work ethic, if they don’t have a plan then they certainly won’t be making it into my close circle of friends, and there is definitely no way that I’d ever consider dating them.  Let that be someone else’s project.

There it is.  I’ve shared my guts with you right there and it takes me back to the statement I made:

“I can’t live up to my own standards, how can I expect someone else to?”

I fall short.  I fail.  I let myself down.  I do those things to myself.  Me!  I!  Not on purpose, of course, but because I’m not perfect.  There, I said it.  I.  Am.  Not.  Perfect.  I’m not.  I fall short of my goals almost daily, and I’m always kicking myself.  But here’s the thing, actually here’s the two things:

1. I don’t set wimpy goals for myself
2. Even when I miss a mark, I reset and try again

Did you get that?  Some of you don’t know what you’re capable of because you’re setting these Mickey Mouse (sorry Disney) goals for yourselves.  Come on, man!  If a guy can amputate his own arm to save his life (127 Hours) and live to tell about it, you can do better. And when you fall short, stop spending six months to cry over spilled milk.  So what!?!?  You didn’t quite make it!  Big deal!  Look up the story on 409 (cleaner) for inspiration.  Mistakes are meant to be made.  Lessons are meant to be learned.  WE are meant to get stronger.  So toughen up.  It’s not the end of the world.  Draw a line in the sand and go for the gold.  Don’t even think about second place.  Nobody ever remembers that guy’s name anyway.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Be Free

Thank God it’s FRIDAY!  Whew!  What a week?!?  What a last couple of weeks!  Goodness – I.  Am.  Tired.  We just wrapped filming yesterday, and I’m thankful.  My body is thankful.  I was barely drinking any water because we were filming all kinds of places, and didn’t always have easy access to a restroom.  My skin and my body has suffered because of it.  I feel like I’ve aged 10 years…looking all kinds of haggard and beat to hell.  But it’s done.  It’s over – at least this phase – and I met a lot of wonderful people.  One in particular inspired my posting today, and I can’t wait to dig in!

So this guy is one of the principals in the film, and he’s a stone-cold fool.  A straight up class clown.  Hyper as hell, always dancing or singing or both.  Like he’s giving the Energizer bunny a run for it’s money.  THAT style.  And he’s hilarious.  A natural comedian that seems to have no shame and no boundaries. 

So as we sat around yesterday I asked him, “Did you just get on all of your teachers’ nerves?  Were you that guy?”  And he told me he was quite the opposite.  He said it wasn’t until later that he came out of his shell, so to speak.  Then I got to wondering what was the trigger that broke him loose.  One doesn’t go from being the quiet kid to practical jokester overnight without some kind of catalyst.  And this is what he said, “I stopped caring.  I stopped caring what people thought of me.”

And when those words left his lips I got so envious and I felt like such a fool, because I knew EXACTLY what he meant and what he was talking about.  What comes across as an over-hyped class clown was just someone with no inhibitions.  What I thought was a stone-cold fool was me – behind closed doors.  He was no different from me!  I’m the clown and I’m the fool, but I’ve been too afraid to completely let loose.  To unleash.  To stop caring.  All of a sudden I felt like I was sitting at the feet of the wisest person ever when he said, “If you don’t care and have confidence at the same time, you’re unstoppable.  Be free.”  I don’t know if that hit home with anybody else, but it rocked me to my core.  He has given me the courage and the ok to be me.  All of this time I’ve thought I was a weird, awkward outcast, but I’m not.  I’m definitely an individual and there’s nothing wrong with that.  But I’ve not given anyone the opportunity to really get to know ME.  I’m giving everyone a watered down version of myself and now I know I don’t have to.  The wise man told me that it may not come easy at first.  He said when you first begin to break out, the initial reactions you receive from others will take some getting used to, but then it’s all gravy.  But no matter what:  confidence is key.  He said, “If you believe it, then they’ll believe it.”  What?!?!  It’s about to be a brand new day up in here.  The next time you see me just know that I’m not high.  I’m not drunk, and I’m not sleep deprived.  I’ve just stopped caring what you think, and I’ve decided it’s ok to be me.  The wise man’s name?  Juhahn Jones.  He gave me my life back.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

One Hundred and Twenty Percent

Happy birthday to my mother!!!  Today is her special day!  Yaay, mom!

Moving on…

Can I just tell you?  Sometimes you just be tired.  Incorrect grammar and all.  Just flat out tired.  My gosh!  I told myself that I would always do my best to keep it positive on this page, but sometimes you just need to vent.  Get it off your chest.  And half-way through this bit I might erase it all and start from scratch, but for now I just need to type.  Type without censoring myself and without caring who might read this.  Perhaps this is more of a diary entry than anything…

I LOVE teamwork.  When it works and when the people are good, it can be some of the most rewarding work a person can do.  And when everyone is working on one accord, focused on their task with a spirit of excellence it can be come of the most fun work you’ll ever do too.  True teamwork focuses on each individual’s strengths to maximize productivity so you end up doing something that you’re good at – which is awesome.  The lines of communication are wide open and even though you’ve been given your delegated list, you always know you can call on a buddy for assistance if need be.  :::: deep breath :::: exhale ::::  It really doesn’t get much better.  You have a sense of independence as you work on your delegated tasks, yet there is a sense of camaraderie because you’re helping others achieve a bigger goal.  Man!  It’s really something!  Work becomes fun, and your team members become your family.  It truly is one for all and all for one.

I worked on one of the most amazing teams once.  At the helm was the three musketeers:  Lori Rose, Julie Rogers, and me.  We were unstoppable.  We worked like dogs and loved every second of it.  We would except nothing less than A+ work and we took pride in being that meticulous and detail oriented.  Lori later sat me down and let me know that we were the exception.  She said it is rare that a team ever gels that seamlessly; no arguments, no back-stabbing, no belittling.  She said we’d stumbled upon something pretty special, and it was likely that we’d never find such a unit ever again.  It’s unfortunate, but I think she was right.  Why don’t people give a shit?  What happened to wanting to create something you’re truly proud of?  What happened to, “If my name is attached to it I want it to be the best possible representation of me I can muster.”?  What happened to giving a damn?  What happened to planning?  What happened to having a Plan B and Plan C – just in case?  What happened to spending some extra time to cross all T's and dot all I's even though you think it’s already been done?  What happened to making lists?  What happened to asking someone if you’re unsure?  What happened to quality?  And I’ll leave it right there.

Maybe I’m a perfectionist for my own good, or to my own detriment.  Who knows.  But I am sick and tired of working with people that have absolutely no integrity, no work ethic, and no pride in what they are doing.  I’ve said enough.  Just know that if you ever ask for my involvement, no matter the project, no matter the circumstance, should I say ‘yes’ I’m signing on to give 120%.  That’s who I am.  That’s how I operate.  If you don’t operate in that realm – don’t invite me to come on board.  You’ll need to find another slacker that shares your sentiment for mediocre work.  I am not the one. 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

The Golden Touch

One of my mentors is a self-made millionaire that literally started from nothing.  He’s built something that he and his family can be proud of, and now that he’s seemed to “arrive” no one remembers his struggle.  No one remembers the years that he and his family went without.  The years of countless sacrifice.  No one remembers that stuff.  Instead they say things like, “Everything you touch turns to gold.”  I laugh at that and I’m motivated by it at the same time.  I believe that each of us has the power of the ‘golden touch,’ if you will.  Every single one of us.  But we’ll only experience that power when we’re fulfilling our true purpose and operating with the gifts/talents/skills that we were given to be shared with others.  When you’re functioning in that realm even the toughest work becomes fun.  Obstacles get exciting and struggle isn’t burdensome.  All of a sudden you’re like a fish swimming with the current.  Nothing feels like push-back – not even the hurdles.  Because you’re doing what you are supposed to be doing!  The trouble is that most of us are going against the grain, or operating outside of our purpose, for most of our lives.  And it’s no wonder that everything feels like a struggle.  Every step forward equates to three steps backward, and you end up waving a fist to the heavens screaming, “Life isn’t fair!”

Well, you’re right.  Life isn’t fair, but that doesn’t mean we’ve got to struggle through every second of it.  And I’m sure what I’m saying sounds sooooo easy, but it’s not.  But don’t get me wrong; it can be, but it may mean you’ve got to separate yourself from the crowd a bit.  Most folks are deathly afraid of being individuals.  They would much rather run with the pack, no matter where the pack is headed.  And there’s the problem.  You know who you are.  You know what you’ve got.  You know your special skills and talents, but it’s so much easier to hide in a crowd than it is to take a leap of faith to realize your dream.  But what you don’t understand is that the leap of faith is the hardest part.  Once you do that the pieces of the puzzle will magically seem to fall into place – not overnight and not all at one time, but it happens.  And with each newly place puzzle piece you get more confident and gain more belief in yourself, enabling you to take bigger, bolder leaps.  Before you know it people are telling you, “Everything you touch turns to gold!”  And just that quick they’ve forgotten.  Very few will remember the work it took for you to take those leaps of faith as you laid your foundation, and it doesn’t even matter.  Own it.  Enjoy your success, and when they say that you tell them, “You’re right!  I’ve got the golden touch!”

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Like Mike

Real quick.  I’m filming all week, and barely have time to count blades of grass as I often times like to do.  I missed me yesterday.  Hopefully at least one of you missed me yesterday as well.  Know that I’m here…kicking and screaming…alive and well.  ‘Tis going to be a busy-busy week for me but I promise to give more details next week.  Perhaps I can at least dig up a worthwhile quote to leave you with…brb…

To find what you seek in the road of life,
the best proverb of all is that which says:
"Leave no stone unturned."
Edward Bulwer Lytton

The lesson here?  There are three:

1. NEVER give up on your dreams
2. You are NEVER too old to start dreaming
3. You are NEVER too old to start doing

Your life has a purpose whether you know it or not.  It’s up to you to figure out that purpose then it’s up to you to do some thing about it.  And if you’re one of those people that’s always , “Getting ready” – news flash:  it doesn’t work like that dude (or dudette).  We’re never ‘ready’ and the timing will never be perfect.  Take a page from Nike’s book and JUST DO IT.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

From Homeless to Harvard

Today’s posting isn’t my own, it’s written by a Yahoo blogger by the name of Sarah B. Weir.  This will be the first time I’m featuring a story by someone else, but this is one that I couldn’t go without sharing.  It’s a little lengthier than my average posts, but well worth the read.  Let me summarize it for you…

Dawn Loggins.  High school student.  Both parents on drugs.  Parents left her.  Homeless.  She takes a janitor job at HER HIGH SCHOOL for extra money. She scores a 2110 on her SAT.  She’s on her way to Harvard. 

If that’s not motivating I don’t know what is.  Click here to see Sarah’s original article with a video of Dawn or read below.

LINK:  http://shine.yahoo.com/work-money/dawn-loggins-homeless-abandoned-teen-heads-harvard-174300575.html

= = = = = = = =

While other kids were hitting their snooze buttons and pulling the covers over their heads, 18-year-old Dawn Loggins was mopping the halls and emptying the trash at Burns High School in Lawndale, North Carolina. At the end of last summer, while she was attending a prestigious summer program on scholarship, Loggins called home to discover her phone had been disconnected. According to the Shelby Star, her mother and stepfather had left the state and dropped her grandmother off at a local homeless shelter. Her older brother, Shane, was couch surfing with friends. "I realized I was getting nowhere calling my parents," she told the Star. "What was I going to do? Cry about it?"

The teen persevered. "I just made a decision that I was not going to end up like my parents," she told WBTV.  And her determination paid off. Tonight is Loggins's high school graduation, and the next stop, Harvard University.

When she was growing up, Loggins's parents were drug abusers who lived "paycheck to paycheck." Sometimes there was no power and she had to do her homework by candlelight. There were also days without food. She had been abandoned by them for periods of time before and stayed with her grandmother. "When I lived with my grandma," she says, "there was trash all over the house. She never really explained to me that it was important to shower--it was important to take care of your self, so I would go months at a time without showering. I would wear the same dress to school for months at a time." In middle school, some classmates teased her that she was ugly and others called her stupid.

Although Loggins attended three different middle schools and four high schools, she made an impression at Burns. Guidance counselor Robyn Putnam helped her catch up with online courses. She became a straight "A" student, joined the National Honors Society, and scored 2110 on her SATs. The community rallied around her and she moved into the home of a friend's mother, Sheryl Kolton, who works as custodian and bus driver at the school. Faculty and staff gave what money they could, and Loggins got a job doing janitorial work before class.

Loggins applied to four colleges in North Carolina as well as her reach school, Harvard. When a thin envelope arrived postmarked Cambridge, Massachusetts, she assumed it was a rejection. "Dear Ms. Loggins," the read the letter. "I am delighted to report that the Admissions Committee has asked me to inform you that you will be admitted to the Harvard College class of 2016….We send such an early positive indication only to outstanding applicants."

Loggins will be headed to Harvard this fall. "If there is anybody at all who has a dream, then they can definitely make it happen," she told WBTV. "There are no excuses. It depends on you and no one else."

= = = = = = = =

Dawn’s story is a true testament of what a human being can do when pushed against the wall.  I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to accomplish what she has, but I’m certainly glad that she’s doing it.  She gives me hope and encouragement that even the toughest situations have no power over you.  Oh!  And did you see??  She’s from North Carolina.  Puttin’ NC on the map (positively).

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Be You

Are You Listening?

So far my Tuesday is shot to hell.  Every plan has been thwarted and the posting that I’d hope to write earlier this morning has somehow seemed to escape my mind completely.  But I’m a trooper and I’m a soldier, and I’ve promised new posts every Tues and Fri and I’m not gonna let a botched day get in the way of that.  My hope is that something half-way decent makes it on the page before I sign off.

Let’s see…I took in some improvisational comedy last night and it was great therapy.  As I watched them perform I was reminded about the power of listening.  Listening intently.  There is no way that a Harold can flow from scene to scene unless every party involved is listening – with both ears.  Everything being said is a possible cue and/or clue to the team’s performing partners.  There is no room for, “Can you repeat that?”  or  “What did she say?”  or  “What color was the hat?”  There is none of that.  It’s mentioned and either you got it or you didn’t.  And if you missed it, you may have missed an opportunity for a great joke – shame on you for not listening.  Improv is a beast and it’s not for everyone.  You’ve got to be quick and you’ve got to be able to clearly make your point so that you don’t lose your audience.  It only takes two seconds for your audience to get bored if they’re tangled in a web of exposition while you’re desperately searching for a joke.  Naw…that won’t work, and you’ll die a slow death on stage using that kind of delivery.  Then it got me to thinking…real life isn’t all that different.  So often major feuds and disagreements are had because of miscommunication and poor listening skills.  I don’t care how old they are, I don’t know a person alive that doesn’t want to be heard.  That’s all of us.  Every single one of us at one point or another just wants to get our point across – without interruption and without judgment.  Have you ever talked to someone and it seemed like they couldn’t wait for you to take a brief pause so that they could take ownership of the whole conversation?  Or what about talking to those people that never come up for air and you can’t seem to get in a word edgewise and they don’t seem to care?  Or what about the ones that ask you the same questions over and over again; making it evident that they weren’t listening to you the first, second or third time they asked?  Isn’t that frustrating?  Hell yeah it is, and I’d venture to say that as noble as we think we are, we’ve probably all been at fault a time or two.  So embrace the fault as a wonderful opportunity for improvement.  One of the best compliments someone can give me is to tell me that I’m a great listener.  That lets me know that I’m not only doing my job, but that I’m also being a friend when it counts – and that matters to me.  And it should matter to you too, because the simple technique of ‘power listening,’ I’ll call it, can strengthen all of your relationships and you’ll find that by closing your mouth and opening your ears, communicating gets so much easier.  Be brave and try it.  I dare you.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Speaking Of…

Well I don’t think my speaking engagement last night could have gone any better than it did.  I was given more time than originally allotted and that extra time gave me the opportunity to really share from the heart.  I didn’t recite a memorized speech.  I didn’t employ the skills of a ghost writer.  I didn’t read from note cards.  I just spoke from the heart, and I’m glad I did.  I mean…  Gosh…  I can’t even tell you.  To see first hand how your words impact someone.  To get immediate feedback on how you’ve helped someone.  To be told by a 60 year old woman that she’s dealing with some things right now that I shared during my speech.  For her to hold my hand and tell me how much I touched her…  Good grief.  I really just don’t have any words.  I always hoped it, but I don’t think I ever really thought I’d be able to have that kind of impact on another human being.  Or at least I had no idea of what that kind of response would feel like.  I think that’s it.  It just feels like nothing I’ve ever experienced before and though I get similar responses from my show, I never get used to it.  How could you?  Someone standing nose-to-nose with you pouring out their soul about how you’ve just had a positive effect on them.  YOU – not a song on the radio.  Not a teacher from school.  Not their mother or father.  YOU.  ME.  Me.  Me having an immediate positive (and hopefully lasting) effect on another person.  I’m still speechless.

Won’t you stand to your feet and help me welcome in the month of June? 

=cue applause=

We are about to hit that half-way point in the year, and for all of those that set out with a specific set of goals for 2012, now is the time to revisit them.  Now is the time to do a gut-check (or two).  The rubber is about to meet the road, and I need you all to be ready.  Ready and focused on exactly what you’ve got to do and the necessary work it will take to get there.  I’m not saying it’s too late, ‘cause it’s never too late.  I’m just saying now is the perfect time to sit with yourself and your calendar to get some things figured out.  And you can do it.  I’ve got no doubt about that, perhaps you just need to focus a bit more.

Here’s my year thus far…

JANUARY
STEPPING ON A FEW TOES successfully completed another run by participating in Whitefire Theatre’s Solofest 2012.

FEBRUARY
I participated in another installment of URBAN LEGENDS, a poetry showcase held several times a year in Hollywood, CA.

I co-directed the short play THE BLACK HISTORY OF POLITICS written by Justin Key.

MARCH
I was a featured guest on the Rare Woman show, and the interview can be heard here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-031612.mp3

APRIL

I worked at this year’s Milk and Bookies (http://www.milkandbookies.org/), which is a celebrity charity event that focuses on literacy and giving books to children that don’t have access to books of their own.  It was a wildly fun event and I was part of a host of character actors brought in to entertain the kids in attendance.  The character I played?  The White Rabbit from Alice Iin Wonderland, and yes – Alice was there with me.  We had a blast.

In addition, I had the great fortune of being the guest on the Rare Woman radio show again last Friday.  Feel free to listen here:  http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-042712.mp3.

MAY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES had a successful run of a show sponsored by the Rare Woman organization on May 12, 2012.

I was the guest speaker at A Celebration of Strong Women presented by The Dream Catcher’s Foundation on May 31, 2012.

And speaking of what you were just speaking of…(inside joke between Josh and me)  Can I just pause for a minute to give a shot out to Jay?  Thank God for you!  Seriously.  I was only able to make this blog thing work based off of the sound advise that you so kindly gave to me last year.  Thank you a million times, and I can’t wait to hug your neck in person.  To Jay and to all:  have an awesome weekend!

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.