Don't Be Sad Like Sidney

I was recently dining with friends and was in the company of a man that truly made my heart ache.  He’s an older gentleman…a physician of around 50/60 years old.  He’s a father of some amazing daughters and a proud grandfather as well.  And though we didn’t play any games of trivia, it’s clear that he’s an intelligent guy.  Best I can tell, you can b.s. your way through a lot, but I doubt anyone’s b.s.’ing their way through medical school.  Just a thought.

So as we’re gathered around the table breaking bread with one another, waitress after waitress stops by our spot to give a hello to the doctor.  And like the gentleman that he is, he briefly canoodled with each of them as if they were the only woman alive.  As if his day had just been made by the presence of their beauty.  And in fashion, each girl giggled and tossed her hair, clearly soaking up every drop of praise that was being tossed her way.  The doctor (who I will refer to as Sidney) was clearly in his element.  This restaurant was his spot, and these were his “girls.”  He loved stealing hugs and other bits of affection from them and they loved being doted over.  Sounds like a win-win situation right?  Harmless enough?  I thought so, but the night was still young…

I will do my best to make it make sense for you, but Sidney really proved to be a mixed bag of tricks making finite, definitive statements on one hand, and then completely contradicting himself seconds later.  You would kill me if I wrote like that so I’m going to share the info with you in the most linear fashion that I can conjure.

Sidney shared with me that he’s lonely.  That he wants nothing more than to have a partner to call his own.  A woman that will accept him for who he is, someone that he’s able to be himself around, and someone to hold at night.  That’s his wish and the dream he dreams each night as he hugs his pillow to sleep.

He also told me that he has challenges meeting women.  Didn’t sound like he was very good at it.  He said to me, “Jaz, the only thing I know to do is to impress them with my Bently and all my money.”  I looked him straight in the eye and told him that he was foolish and that his approach was utterly ridiculous.  He then asked how he’s supposed to get women, and I responded, “Open your mouth.  When you start having real conversation, you’ll start meeting real women.”

I’m really giving you guys the Cliff’s Notes version of the evening – you have no idea…

Then it really gets good.  Sidney, with all the passion one could muster, leans in, wags a finger, and says, “I don’t go on dates!  I refuse to go on dates!  What am I gonna do?  Ask a girl about her day?  I don’t care about that.  I just wanna f&^%!”  [sorry kids who might be reading this]

Then with just as much passion I got in his face and said, “Then say that!  There is no shortage of women that are looking for the exact same thing!”  Sidney and I exchanged a few more words – passionately, and then we hugged it out.

Now let me tell you why my heart aches for Sid.  Even though he told me he can never be monogamous, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so open and so raw as he was when he told me how lonely he is.  And I’m sort of picking on him right now, but Sidney’s not alone.  Our world is filled with men like him that are desperately trying to hold on to a vision of themselves from days gone by.  I would imagine that he was probably the ultimate playboy fresh after his divorce.  Life was good and his bedroom was revolving door.  But what he’s not realized is that playtime is over, and it has nothing to do with his age.  It’s over because it’s stopped being fun – but he’s not completely willing to admit that just yet.  He knows it in his heart, but he’s not ready to say it out loud.  So he’s continuing to fill his life with stuff and people but never being fulfilled, and I told him straight up, “Sidney, you’re lacking substance, and you won’t be happy until you get some.”  And I think that’s the lesson for us all.  Often times what we want and what we need aren’t in alignment, but we will never know how it feels to ride the rainbow of our lives until we make our needs our ultimate wants.  Don’t allow yourself to be sad like Sidney.  Get real with yourself once and for all and give YOU what YOU need.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  http://blog.timesunion.com/mydogbandit/files/2010/10/sad-dog-600x400.jpg