Watch Me Take Flight

It’s not my quote, but I either read it somewhere this week, or someone shared it with me:  “Challenges in life are just opportunities.”  It may even be one of those fortune cookie proverbs that everyone but me has heard before.  But when I heard it (or read it), I was compelled to write it down and meditate on it for a while because it instantly reminded me of the film EVAN ALMIGHTY.  If you’ve seen it you know that it’s a little – ok, more than a little – cheesy; like they are really doing too much.  I’ll be honest, first time I popped the DVD in, the best things I had to say about it were the DVD extras and behind the scenes stuff.  I digress, but as a film they wanted to practice what they were preaching so they calculated the carbon footprint made during the entire filming process, and planted a tree for each footprint.  Kinda cool…the whole cast rode bikes to set everyday…stuff like that… But the film itself just didn’t move me.  Then for some silly reason earlier this year I had a hankerin’ to rewatch this snoozer of a film.  Made absolutely no sense.  I stood there with the DVD in my hand for what seemed like thirty minutes or more saying, “You’ve already seen this, and it tanked.”  But again, for some silly reason, I popped it in, and snuggled up with my Stewie Griffin doll to watch.  And as if it was a previously deleted scene the next thing that I’m about to share with you might as well had jumped off the screen into my living room, it was so profound.  Here we go… 

If you haven’t seen the movie I won’t be spoiling much of anything, but I’m not gonna’ spend any time giving you a lot of back story.  That’s not the important part.  It’s this conversational exchange that I want you to get.  OK, I lied…this is the only back story you get:  at the start of the movie the wife mentioned below prayed to God that her family grow closer and stronger.  Take a look… (paraphrasing) 

GOD:  You seem a little down.  Are you ok?

WIFE:  You heard of New York’s Noah?  Well, that’s my husband.

GOD:  Oh, wow.

WIFE:  I just don’t know what to do.  He’s hell-bent on building this ark, and I just think it’s crazy.  Gosh…what would you do?

GOD:  Sounds like an opportunity to me.

WIFE:  What?  What do you mean?

GOD:  Well someone prays for courage – God doesn’t instantly bless them with courage.  He gives them an opportunity to be courageous.  Someone prays to God for strength – He doesn’t just shower them with strength; He gives them an opportunity to be strong.  Someone says a prayer asking that their family grow closer – it doesn’t happen with a snap of a finger.  God gives them an opportunity to build closeness. 

B  A  M  !!!!!! 

I lie to you not.  I stopped the DVD, looked around my apartment, and asked stuffed Stewie if he had just heard what I had just heard.  Stewie nodded (with some help from my hand) so I hit rewind and watched that clip seven more times before I let the rest of the film play out.  What.  The.  Deuce?  I’m telling you just as sure as I sit right here and type, I have no doubt that that message was meant for me.  I was at the beginnings of hell breaking itself loose in my life and that bit of on-screen dialogue lifted me up in a major way.  I kept it with me for a long time this year, but when “challenges in life are just opportunities” was presented to me two days ago; I realized I hadn’t thought of my EVAN ALMIGHTY exchange in a while.  I feel like the resurgence of the quote was the universe tapping me on my shoulder saying, “remember this?”  And all of it has so impacted me that I felt compelled to share it with you.  It’s definitely a different mindset than most of us are taught.  Embracing challenges and hardships?  Seeing the hell of it all as an opportunity?  For real, God?  Yep, He’s for real.  But it’s not about a system of belief – get that through your head.  Let me show you why… 

Let’s take it back to learning to ride a bike – or learning any sport for that matter.  You fall off the bike, off the ice skates, tumble over the hurdles on the track time and time again = challenge.  The opportunities you’re being presented with are many. 

Here your chance to:

-- build your discipline

-- increase your focus

-- develop patience

-- build your physical fitness

-- hone your craft 

Disguised as a challenge, these are the opportunities that you’re being given, and you know I’m right.  Apply that same logic and thought process to every other challenge you’re presented with and watch yourself soar.  Move over, ‘cause I’m about to spread my wings right now – don’t want to hit you. 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

Is That Your House On the Corner?

When you know who you are and you know your worth, there are just some things that you will not tolerate.  But when you know neither, you end up living on the corner of Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However Lane.  And that is an ugly place to be.  No rules.  No standards.  No procedural systems in place creating a life of chaos where you’re jumping from one fire to the next.  Who really wants to live like that?  Spending all your energy putting out fires and implementing urgent measures of damage control at every turn.  For what?  Because he’s foolish?  Because she’s messed up in the head?  Because your boss has it out for you?  Because your professor’s a jerk?  Stop pointing fingers because once again, the buck stops with you.  People can only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.  They can only get away with those things that you don’t call them out on.  YOU are the problem – not them.  YOU need to get YOUR act together in order for THEM to change their ways.  When you’re driving from state to state you change your speed many times primarily because you’ve been asked to do so by the posted signs alongside the road.  Standards have been established and you’ve been expected to abide by them, or suffer the consequences.  Your life is no different.  Human interaction is no different.  You have to set the standards by which you want to be dealt.  You have to:

 

(a) set the standards

(b) inform those around you of said standards

(c) develop consequences for not keeping in line with your standards

(d) enforce those consequences at every turn

 

And when you look at it in that fashion, I even admit, it looks and sounds a bit too rigid – too unforgiving.  But let me show you what the alternative is…

 

You have an argument with your significant other and he tells you to “Shut the f*&% up!” or she attacks you purposefully pushing the one button that will send you over the edge.  Those living in chaos will accept this behavior as, “Oh, he didn’t mean it,” or “That’s just how she is.”  They will eventually kiss and make up just to catch the bus to the verbal lashings to be exchanged in a few days; and that will be their cycle.  They will live a life of misery, pain, hurt, and dysfunction because no one has set any standards.

 

On the flip side…for that female that has standards, the first time some craziness came out of his mouth she would have called him on it.  Letting him know that she is not to be talked to that way.  Letting him know that she will not stay in even a relationship where she’s not respected.  At that point he has a choice:  (1) follow the new posted speed limit or (2) continue driving at the speed he’s been cruising at for some time.  That’s it.  The ball is now in his court and the choice is now his. 

 

The tricky part comes when he/she slips up after the standards and consequences have already been discussed.  You have to be strong enough to enforce the consequence or else you’ve completely failed yourself.  Honestly.  You are worth so much more and you need to demand the dignity and the respect that you deserve.  That goes for everyone.  Don’t let people do you any kind of way – don’t.  Let them know who you are upfront.  You’ll be so happy you did.  There is so much power, strength and confidence that comes when operating on this level.  It’s a confidence that can’t be shaken and it’s a respect that others can see from a mile away.  Vow to get some of that for yourself.  If you’re living on the corner of  Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However Lane, please plan to relocate.  Your peace of mind is depending on it. 

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

 

 

Learn To Wait

If ever you find yourself in a state of confusion or at a crossroads and you’ve got some hesitance about which way to turn.  Wait.

 

If you’ve been going a hundred miles an hour then something happens to knock you off your game just a bit and you’re not sure how to handle it.  Wait.

 

In matters of the heart, if things seem to be ok, but you’re still not quite sure about him/her.  Wait.

 

If you fear making the wrong decision, ask your higher power (HP) to step in.  Vow to reach no conclusions on your own.  Especially if you have an itch in your gut.  Because I’ve learned that those itches are there for a reason.

 

Let me tell you what waiting does – and I’m not gonna take all day.

 

1. Waiting gives you just enough time to think clearly.  Even if it’s only for seconds, often that’s all we need to come to the right conclusion.

 

2.  Waiting allows time for the other party to show their true colors – because they always will.  These are colors that have probably been present since the beginning, but appeared faded to your eye.  Perhaps you justified them in some way.  However, time allows them to relax just enough to slip up, and give you a glimpse at your future.  You may ask surprisingly, “Where did that come from?!?”  Quit playing silly.  It was always there and you know it.  Just thank God you didn’t act in haste.

 

3.  Waiting allows your higher your HP to see your true intent, so that you can be nudged in the right direction.  Sometimes WE have to prove OURselves worthy of guidance.  HP wants to see if you’ve (a) learned from past mistakes, (b) got three shreds of patience within you, (c) asked for guidance with a sincere heart.

 

And believe you me. I know that waiting can be a b*&^% at times.  We just want to jump right, run left, move south, and power north – all at the same time.  Calm ya butt down a little bit!  Wait.  Just sit down and wait.  No need to be a fool (again).  The proper choice ALWAYS reveals itself.  And wouldn’t you rather it be revealed before you made a step in the wrong direction as opposed to having to say, “Dang.  I wish I’d waited.”

 

Patience is a virtue.  I didn’t make that up – it’s for reals.  Get some and learn to wait.

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.curtfleenor.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Waiting-for-Sunset.jpg

The 14th Annual Day of the Child

Difficult as it is believe, there are children living in Los Angeles who have never spent a day at the ocean with their family, or have even seen the beach at all. Nor have they felt the rush of cool air from the vantage point of the ubiquitous Californian icons, the roller coasters on the Santa Monica Pier.   

It is equally as hard to comprehend that in a city with the wealth and glamour of Los Angeles, there are tens of thousands of foster children who have little or no support keeping them from the streets of broken dreams.  However, CHILDREN UNITING NATIONS (CUN) aims to make a difference.   

This past Sunday I had the wonderful pleasure of participating in CUN’s 14^th annual Day of the Child.  For this very special event the Santa Monica Pier was closed to the public and instead it hosted 1,000 youth in foster care between the ages of 4-18.  CUN provided each foster youth with a mentor for the day (for which I was one) for a fun-filled time of rides, food, games, arts & crafts, live entertainment and celebrity guests.  It was truly a celebration of the human spirit and a day of inspiration.   

Each child learned how to write their name in Israeli, participated in dance contests, enjoyed great barbecue, received a free book of their choice, a free book bag, and lots of free toys, give-aways, school supplies, and toiletries.  There was live entertainment from a variety of up and coming artists as well as established ones including The Rejects and Tommy the Clown and the Clown Crew.  It was so awesome and my heart was filled with such joy to see the seas of people that came together to volunteer their time to make sure the children had a day to remember.  And I can’t quite figure who had more fun, me or my mentee – because I straight up had a blast!  If the opportunity ever presents itself, I encourage everyone to help a child in need.  It’s about the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do.  It’s a gesture that is more than appreciated, and it’s something that child will remember for the rest of their lives.  Those are the kind of memories you want to help create, and each of us has the power to do it.

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Create “Me Moments”

When most people hear the term “self-love” their thoughts tend to gravitate toward visuals of tree-huggers, save-the-whalers, folks carrying canvas bags while wearing recycled clothing, and Tony Robbins grinning his big grin to a coliseum full of gullible fools.  And though all these things can stem from aspects of self-love, the concept itself goes so much deeper than this.  Self.  Love.  Loving yourself.  In its simplest form once could just ask, “How do you treat someone that you love?  Romantically or otherwise?”

-- You are genuinely concerned about their well-being.

-- You communicate with them frequently.

-- You trust them.

-- You encourage them. 

-- You support them.

-- You make time for their needs.

-- You celebrate their accomplishments.

-- You’re honest with them.

-- You don’t belittle them.

-- You allow them to vent.

-- You’ve got their back.

-- You don’t let them go astray.

-- You give to them without expectation.

-- You relax with them.

-- You make future plans with them.

-- You remind them that they are loved and cared for.

Can you apply the list above to your mother?  Your father?  Your siblings?  Your significant other?  Your spouse?  Chances are most will apply to the important people in your life – but do they apply to you?  Do you treat yourself the same way you treat them?  And before you answer, take another look at the list.  Study it and ask for each item if it applies to how you treat yourself.  And miss me with the old, “I don’t have time” bit.  Let me tell you, you make time for the stuff that’s important to you.  You make time.  Each night when the clock strikes 12 midnight we have exactly 24 hours before it reaches midnight again.  Twenty-four hours.  We’re all given the exact same amount of time each day – that’s one thing I am certain of.  And it’s up to you how you choose to use those precious hours.  And even if you’re a mom – one kid…five kids… you have to make time for you.  You gotta’.  The kids need you functioning at 100% at all times.  And though that may not always be possible, there are certainly measures that you can take to ensure your tank never falls below 80%.  And it’s all up to you.  No one else can read your tank except you.  Folks may see you begin to look a little raggedy and haggard if you fall below 50%, but they may not always know the reason(s) why.  But you do.  You know that you’ve put everyone else ahead of you and now you’re resenting them for it.  Well, sunshine, I hate to tell ya, but it’s not their fault.  It’s no one’s job but yours to refill your tank and take “me moments” every now and again.  You have to.  You’re worth it.  And, if I’m being honest, we hate the way you look when your tank falls below 50%.  Handle that.  I’m asking you to love yourself.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

From Point A to Point B

If someone called you and asked that you bring them some soup what would you do?  Keeping our fingers crossed that you considered this person to be a friend you’d hop right into action, I’m assuming.  If you’re fresh out of ingredients as well as cans of Campbell’s and Progresso you’d drive to your nearest grocer to grab a can or two.  Without hesitation. Without question.  And no one would think you crazy or radical for doing so.  Soup is needed and you took the necessary steps to get some.  Simple as that.  Done and done.

 

But what if the need was something a tad greater than soup?  Let’s say your child has to complete a science fair project and he/she doesn’t have so much as a strip of construction paper.  My guess is you’d find your way to a craft store or at least the arts and crafts section at Target to gather the items needed to complete this project.  It just makes sense.  Though the trip may get delayed a day or two the task would still get done.  It’s clear your child will be unable to complete a satisfactory project without the proper tools.  Done and done.

 

Let’s go one step further.  You receive a wedding invitation from an out of town friend.  He/she is a close friend and this is a wedding you wouldn’t miss for the world.  You check your calendar and you don’t have any conflicts.  What’s your next move?  Well it’s not even something you need to ponder.  Your next move is researching flight and hotel info so that you can guarantee yourself the best possible rates.  Once you’ve gathered all the data you need, you book your trip.  Done and done.

 

There it is.  I’ve just given you three very realistic examples of solutions being applied to needs that have arisen.  And the solutions were easy.  None of them required a lot of thought.  Perhaps a little planning was involved but in each case the path from Point A to Point B was very clear. 

 

(A) Need soup.  >>>  (B) Go to grocery store.

(A) Need project supplies.  >>>  (B) Go to craft store.

(A) Need to attend out of town wedding.  >>>  (B) Book a flight.

 

Once the A’s were given to us, it was very easy to figure out what the B’s would be.  Very easy.  Yet so many will not apply this simplistic logic to their personal dreams and goals.  Instead they speak about the A’s as if they are complete mysteries that are never to be solved.

 

(A) I’ve always wanted to play the piano.

(A) I wish I knew how to cook.

(A) I want to learn a second language.

 

If these were the Point A’s that you were presented with, best I can tell the Point B’s seem rather simple to me:

 

(B) Take a piano lesson.

(B) Buy a cookbook and begin watching a cooking show or two.

(B) Sign up for a class at your local community college or enlist the aid of a friend that’s already fluent.

 

Those paths seem so clear, so easy, but so many will sit twiddling their thumbs for years muttering the exact same A’s over and over again.  Sounding quite silly if you ask me.  I mean, even if your need was to solve a Rubik’s Cube that’s even doable.  It’s doable and there is a clear path to the Point B – if you really want to get there.  And I think that’s the bigger question, and it’s probably the only question you should be asking yourself if you find yourself becoming a broken record of Point A’s.  Do you really want to learn the piano?  Are you really interested in learning how to cook?  How important is it that you learn a second language?  Do you really want to learn to paint?  Become a published author?  Live abroad?  Learn to salsa?  Become a pediatrician?  Volunteer?  How important are these things?  Are you serious about any one of them?  Because if you are, you can’t honestly tell me that you’re truly that puzzled on how to get from your Point A to the Point B you so desire.  It’s as easy as going to the market for a can of chicken noodle soup.  It really is just that simple.  But for some reason you’ve introduced difficulty where there needn’t be any present.  Why is that?  Do you fear you won’t be any good?  Or are you still kidding yourself that you’re waiting for the right time?  Please tell me you’re not still playing that game.  I thought you knew…  The time is never right and we’ve never saved up enough money.  There, I said it.  Never.  So if this is something that’s even slightly important to you, quit talking about it, and do something about it.  Otherwise you’ll be sitting on Point A for a lifetime missing out on all the fun to be had over on Point B.  You can do better.

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.winpossible.com/App_Themes/default/Images/Amsco_Images/linsegfig.JPG