This
just happened…
So
I’m sitting on a fairly empty subway. In
my immediate area there is only a Caucasian woman sitting across from me
enjoying her newspaper.
At
the next stop I hear footsteps enter our area, but I’m much too involved in my
game of Candy Crush Saga to bother looking up.
I do, however, get a very clear whiff of marijuana and all I’m hoping is
that the culprit doesn’t sit next to me.
There’s nothing worse than getting skunk stuck in your hair – I have
places to go.
Aaaaaaannd,
yep. The only thing that ends up
separating me from the fresh smell of Mary Jane is my backpack on the empty
seat between me and the odorific individual.
Now I have to glance up from my game.
One African American female with gorgeously braided hair, hiding behind
her sunglasses. One burly African
American male(1) sitting on the other side of my backpack, and one more burly
African American male(2) sitting across from him – one seat away from the
newspaper reader.
Uninteresting. So I dig back into my game: bring down all the ingredients. Candy Crush, you are not about to make a fool
of me.
After
Male 1 does some talking to Male 2 there is a slight pause and then Male 2 goes
in with the following…
Male 2:
“Dude. I was over this girl’s
house last night and she had 2 packs of franks.
And, dude, I ate 13 franks. And
when I was about half-way through the first pack I looked over at her and she
had this look of complete disgust on her face, like ‘Are you really eating
Nathan’s franks like this at 2:00 in the morning?’”
This
is where I burst out laughing and Male 1 looks over at me and begins to
chuckle. I looked up to notice that the
newspaper reader is also smiling.
Male 2 continues:
“Dude, I think she was most upset that I had the audacity to be eating
her franks in her house and without even bothering to offer her any. So I said, ‘Would you like a frank?’ and she
said, ‘Absolutely not.’ So, dude, I kept
eating.”
By
this point there really is no hiding my laughter, and I can forget trying to
concentrate on Candy Crush.
Male 2:
“Dude…she won’t return my calls.
I’ve been calling and calling and she won’t pick up…”
Male
1 is whaling with laughter.
Male 2:
“I think it’s the buns.”
Male
1 is now stomping his foot in unison with his gut-wrenching laughs.
Male 2:
“Dude, after I’d eaten all of the buns I started eating the franks with
her rye bread. Dude, the brown one with
the swirls. It’s disgusting, but it was
so delicious with the franks at that time.”
Me
and Male two share a glance in between laughs and the train stops at Columbus
Circle.
Male 2:
“Dude, I’m gonna keep calling her.
If she gives me another chance the first thing I’m gonna do is take her
some more franks.”
I
burst out laughing and the newspaper reading is hunched over in a fit, as both
males exit the train.
Only
in New York.
My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING
ON A FEW TOES.
