Frankly Speaking

This just happened…

So I’m sitting on a fairly empty subway.  In my immediate area there is only a Caucasian woman sitting across from me enjoying her newspaper.

At the next stop I hear footsteps enter our area, but I’m much too involved in my game of Candy Crush Saga to bother looking up.  I do, however, get a very clear whiff of marijuana and all I’m hoping is that the culprit doesn’t sit next to me.  There’s nothing worse than getting skunk stuck in your hair – I have places to go.

Aaaaaaannd, yep.  The only thing that ends up separating me from the fresh smell of Mary Jane is my backpack on the empty seat between me and the odorific individual.  Now I have to glance up from my game.  One African American female with gorgeously braided hair, hiding behind her sunglasses.  One burly African American male(1) sitting on the other side of my backpack, and one more burly African American male(2) sitting across from him – one seat away from the newspaper reader.

Uninteresting.  So I dig back into my game:  bring down all the ingredients.  Candy Crush, you are not about to make a fool of me.

After Male 1 does some talking to Male 2 there is a slight pause and then Male 2 goes in with the following…

Male 2:  “Dude.  I was over this girl’s house last night and she had 2 packs of franks.  And, dude, I ate 13 franks.  And when I was about half-way through the first pack I looked over at her and she had this look of complete disgust on her face, like ‘Are you really eating Nathan’s franks like this at 2:00 in the morning?’”

This is where I burst out laughing and Male 1 looks over at me and begins to chuckle.  I looked up to notice that the newspaper reader is also smiling.

Male 2 continues:  “Dude, I think she was most upset that I had the audacity to be eating her franks in her house and without even bothering to offer her any.  So I said, ‘Would you like a frank?’ and she said, ‘Absolutely not.’  So, dude, I kept eating.”

By this point there really is no hiding my laughter, and I can forget trying to concentrate on Candy Crush.

Male 2:  “Dude…she won’t return my calls.  I’ve been calling and calling and she won’t pick up…”

Male 1 is whaling with laughter.

Male 2:  “I think it’s the buns.”

Male 1 is now stomping his foot in unison with his gut-wrenching laughs.

Male 2:  “Dude, after I’d eaten all of the buns I started eating the franks with her rye bread.  Dude, the brown one with the swirls.  It’s disgusting, but it was so delicious with the franks at that time.”

Me and Male two share a glance in between laughs and the train stops at Columbus Circle.

Male 2:  “Dude, I’m gonna keep calling her.  If she gives me another chance the first thing I’m gonna do is take her some more franks.”

I burst out laughing and the newspaper reading is hunched over in a fit, as both males exit the train.

Only in New York.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.