When most people
hear the term “self-love” their thoughts tend to gravitate toward visuals of
tree-huggers, save-the-whalers, folks carrying canvas bags while wearing
recycled clothing, and Tony Robbins grinning his big grin to a coliseum full of
gullible fools. And though all these
things can stem from aspects of self-love, the concept itself goes so much
deeper than this. Self. Love.
Loving yourself. In its simplest
form once could just ask, “How do you treat someone that you love? Romantically or otherwise?”
-- You are
genuinely concerned about their well-being.
-- You
communicate with them frequently.
-- You trust
them.
-- You
encourage them.
-- You
support them.
-- You make
time for their needs.
-- You
celebrate their accomplishments.
-- You’re
honest with them.
-- You don’t
belittle them.
-- You allow
them to vent.
-- You’ve got
their back.
-- You don’t
let them go astray.
-- You give
to them without expectation.
-- You relax
with them.
-- You make
future plans with them.
-- You remind
them that they are loved and cared for.
Can you apply
the list above to your mother? Your
father? Your siblings? Your significant other? Your spouse?
Chances are most will apply to the important people in your life – but do
they apply to you? Do you treat yourself
the same way you treat them? And before
you answer, let’s really take a closer look…
1. Are you
genuinely concerned about your well-being?
Are physical fitness, health, wellness and mental clarity priorities for
you? Are you chain smoking, spending
hours in front of the TV each day, self medicating, taking part in regular heated
arguments, or sleeping less than seven hours a day (regularly)? If any one of these things are norms for you
I might argue that you’re not all that concerned about your well-being.
2. Do you communicate with you? Sound slilly?
Well it’s not. Do you listen to
yourself? The voice inside your head
that is generally slightly more in tuned with our needs…do you listen or do you
ignore? Do you check in with yourself
every so often to make sure you’re all good?
To make sure you’re still on task and on track to reach your goals? Do you communicate with you?
3. Do you trust you? Whoa…this one will be a doozie for some
folks, because I’ve heard the conversations, “I don’t trust myself to not
______.” or “I can trust myself around _____.” or “I
wouldn’t trust myself to make the right decision in that situation.” I know you’ve heard those statements
too. Heck, you may have even said them
once or twice. I could spend an entire
post on this one alone (and I might), but if you’ve ever been confronted with a
moment when you’ve not trusted yourself – take a pause. Figure out why, and take the necessary steps
to correct the issue. If you can’t trust
you – how do you expect others to?
Trust. This is a big one.
4. Do you encourage you? Do you give yourself pep talks? Are you your best cheerleader or do you find
yourself saying things like, “I can’t seem to do anything right.” or “Every
time I try I mess up.” or “There’s no way I could ever accomplish
that. I’m not like you.” YOUR words to YOURself…seriously? No one is listening. Take these opportunities to be as arrogant
and cocky as you want to be. This is YOU
we’re talking about! Come on man!
5. Do you support you? You might refer to #4 here, but we can go
further. If you’re of age and of sound
body and mind; are you supporting yourself or are you mooching off family and
friends? And I’m not talkin’, “My
parents are paying my bills while I’m in law school.” I’m talkin’ couch-surfing for the hell of
it. I’m talking not holding a steady job
because it’s easier to be taken care of.
If you fall into that category, you have much work to do; and if you
truly loved yourself you’re already beginning to pull yourself up by the
bootstraps without having been told to do so.
6. Do you make time for your needs? Been needing a haircut for three months
now? Just can’t seem to make it to the
dentist to get that tooth looked at? You
constantly putting the kids and husband before you? At some point you’ll begin to resent THEM
because YOU’RE running on empty. They
are not to blame. You have to tend to
you.
7. Do you celebrate your own accomplishments? When something good happens to you do you
take the time to treat yourself? Perhaps
to a new gadget that you’ve been eying, perhaps to some new perfume, a luxury
dinner, or a new article of clothing.
Often times we go, go, go without taking the time to high-five ourselves
for doing something right. Make time to
celebrate with you.
8. Are you honest with yourself? Here’s another good one. Do you keep it real with YOU? When you’re in a situation that you know is
bringing chaos and negativity to your life do you come up with every excuse in
the book finding reasons to stay put, or are you honest about what’s really
going on? Do you let yourself leave the
house in the way too tight jeans or in the way too short skirt? Knowing full well that they are completely
unflattering, what do you do about it?
Do you lie it away, or do you give yourself a dose of necessary honesty?
9. Do you belittle you? For this one we can refer back to #4. Do you have such a low opinion of yourself
that you allow you to treat you any kind of way? Or do you stand with your head high and your
back tall? Have you ever called yourself
ugly names? Ever said anything like, “I’m
such an idiot… such a screw-up… such a loser… so stupid?” If you have – check yourself right now.
10. Do you allow you to vent? When all hell has broken lose in your life do
you allow yourself the opportunity to address the hell or do you sweep it under
the rug and pretend it never happened?
Do you have any trusted confidantes?
And if you do, do you call on them in those difficult times or do you
believe venting makes you look weak? Are
you ashamed to let someone else know there may be trouble in paradise? For real?
Swallow that disgusting pride, and vent.
11. Do you have your own back? How do you allow others to treat you? Do you allow yourself to be a doormat, or do
you stand up for yourself? When you’re
being taken advantage of at the workplace, do you go to bat for yourself or do
you let it slide (again)? Let me just
tell you: no one likes a doormat. Grow a backbone and open your mouth. You don’t have to be ugly, but you need to
stand up for you.
12. Do you let yourself go astray? When you know good and well you’re way off
track, do you let you know or do you have to be told by others? Do you keep yourself in line? Are there standards
that you require you to uphold at all times?
We’re almost
done…
13. Do you give to yourself? This ties in to numbers 6 and 7, but of
course I’m gonna take it one step further.
Number 6 deals with fulfilling ‘needs’ and number 7 speaks about gifts
of ‘celebration.’ But what about giving
to you ‘just because’. Plain old, just because. You giving to you because you can, and because
you want to. What a concept, right?
14. Do you relax with you? Are you comfortable in your own skin? Are you able to spend time with yourself
without wigging out? You realize when
you roll solo, even doing simple things, you get to know you better. You’re actually able to get closer to YOU. Yes.
It’s possible and it’s tons of fun.
Sometimes you just need to chill with you.
15. Do you make plans for your future? Do you have goals? Things you want to get done – not for anyone
else, but just for you? Without being
instructed to do so, are you planning for your own future?
16. Do you let yourself know that you love
you? Well if you’re still reading this
post, I hope you have a better idea of the reality of your self-love. And whether you’ve still got some room to
grow, or you give yourself a million hugs a day…don’t forget to take mini "me"
moments. None of us are any good to
anyone else if we go kaput. Even if you
have children, you are still your number one priority, because THEY need YOU,
and they need you to be running at 100% at all times. And trust me, if you’re not all positive on
the list I’ve set forth today you’re probably not at 100%. But not to worry, because you can get there –
you just gotta’ start somewhere.
My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.
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