Nothing Is Wasted

For as long as I’ve known him, a good friend of mine has always said, “Nothing is wasted,” and it’s one of those things that you hear but you really don’t comprehend.  Like any other saying, it gets to be cliché over time, becoming nothing more than a string of words.  However, when I spoke to him last week, I think I finally comprehended it, as though I was hearing it for the first time. 

Nothing is wasted.  The Bible even says: all work produces profit.

This conversation with my friend came on the heels of me watching a vid of Tyler Perry doing his best to explain his secrets to success.  And to sum it up, TP essentially said all one can do is the work.  The only thing he could control was how many seeds he planted.

Let’s take a look at the agricultural analogy used.  A farmer studies his crop.  He tends to his soil to make certain the ground is fertile, and he plants his seeds at precisely the right time of year.  He’s done his job.  Unfortunately he can’t control the weather.  He has no clue whether it will be a perfect summer or if all of his crop will be destroyed by a horrific storm.  He could be heading into the longest drought in history, yet that doesn’t mean he’s failed as a farmer.  He did his part.

In the video Tyler goes on to explain that he lived a drought-like existence for many years before a raindrop hit his lips.  Today we see him as the mogul that he is.  It appears that any and every idea he has produces an abundance of fruit.  And that may well be true, but let’s go back to “Nothing is wasted.”  I believe that Tyler is not only reaping the benefits of the work he does today, but he’s also being rewarded for all those seeds he planted years before that didn’t bear fruit.   Nothing is wasted.  All work produces profit.  If you believe these things for yourself, it frees you to keep moving and it allows you to stop getting angry over what you don’t see.  You now understand there is no reason to doubt or complain about what you don’t have, because not one shred of your work, or of your effort will go to waste.  The only variable here lies with the seeds that you plant and the work you put in.  Once you’ve got this understanding, that’s really all you need to be concerned about, “What have I done?”   That’s it.  Are you continually planting seeds or do you get discouraged when you encounter a storm that destroys your work?  Do you get disgruntled and bent out of shape because you’re experiencing a period of drought?  How strong is your belief in you and the work that you’re doing?  If it’s rock solid you can rest easy because you truly understand that nothing is wasted.  Not a single drop of your work goes to waste.  Every ounce of your effort produces fruit.  All you have to do is be ready to handle the harvest that’s coming your way.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  http://www.gadgetreview.com

Gain Confidence. Gain Strength.

Have you ever gone to the movies by yourself?  Ever grabbed a table for one at a restaurant to enjoy some lunch or dinner?  Ever enjoyed some summer sun at the beach or in the park solo?  Ever dared to be seen at a bar, a party, or a club without a buddy or your entourage?  Are you settled and comfortable in your skin or do you feel like all eyes are on you when you’re out alone?  There’s something to be said for those individuals that have no problem going and doing all by themselves.  And for those that can’t seem to muster the courage to do so, I’ve gotta ask why.  What is it that keeps you from stepping out without the company of others?  Do you throw a stare of judgment to those that you see dining alone?  In secret do you have pity for them because they appear friendless in your eyes?  Or do you look on with envy wishing you had the guts to enjoy a spell of public solitude?  Either way, whether your stare is one of judgment or envy, the bottom line is the same.  You lack the confidence that they possess. 

Confidence is such a tricky thing because our family, friends and environment begin building up or tearing down our confidence when we’re infants.  The way we’re treated by our parents in our infancy directly impacts on how we interact with others once we begin school.  And how we’re treated in grade school directly impacts how we get along in high school.  And those high school and college interactions mold and shape our behavior for years to come.  So I get it and I hope others do as well.  When anyone talks about confidence, there’s a lifetime of interactions that need to be involved in that conversation.  It’s never as simple as what happened last week or last month.  If it were, it would be much easier to fix.  Confidence, over confidence, and lack of confidence are issues that run deep for us all and it’s nothing that comes with an over-the-counter cure.  This is an area that’s all about self-reflection and personal accountability.  It may take time, but the self-discovery is well worth it.  We should all make a point to examine our pasts to uncover those things that either gave us confidence or destroyed it.  Little by little you’ll begin to see where the right turns were made and what wrong ones to avoid in the future. 

Then it’s time to employ some personal responsibility.  Perhaps our parents weren’t perfect.  Maybe the kids on the playground were a little cruel.  But now we’re here and it’s time to make a decision not to let our past dictate our future.  It’s time for us to be confident IN SPITE of our pasts.  And trust me, it won’t happen overnight, and it’s not easy as pie – but it’s so dog’on empowering.  When you get to the place where you’re able to hold your head up high regardless of how you were picked on in school…regardless of how your parents treated you…regardless of what your high school friends thought of you… When you get to that place – there truly is no turning back and others will flock to you because you will have what they so desperately crave.

Confidence.  It’s a tricky thing, but it’s not impossible.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  www.stockfreeimages.com

Don't Scrub Away Your Identity

I’ve been away for a while…my apologies, but I needed to get my bearings.  Not to worry, I’m still here with bells on, kicking and screaming and still very much on my grind.  This is the last week of March, which also means that Q1 of 2013 is about to come to an end.  One quarter down…three to go.

I’ve devoted more than one blog post to “being yourself” and the notion of “loving you for you.”  I want to step back in the ring with those topics again today.  You’ll have to forgive me for being redundant, but this is what’s on my heart, and truth be told, more of you need to hear it than are willing to admit.

When I was living in Los Angeles, a friend gave me a belt made from old soda bottle caps.  It’s a pretty neat belt.  The buckle is fashioned like the buckle of seatbelt and though I’ve had it for more than a couple years now, I always get a compliment/comment or two when I wear it.  Here in New York, a girl said to me, “Nice belt!  I wish I could get away with wearing something like that!”

I thanked her for her compliment, but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for her.  I mean, come on – it’s a belt.  Not at all run-of-the-mill, but a belt nonetheless.  Why can’t she get away with wearing it?  What’s stopping her from putting on something of its kind?  She spoke as if I was wearing a Lady Gaga’esque costume of sorts.  It was a belt.  Not an extravagant headdress.  Not a purple wig (of which I also own and wear with pride).  Not stilts.  Not a risqué French maid uniform fit for Hugh Hefner’s crib.  It was a belt.  And even though she liked it, and the fashion statement it represented, she had such a low opinion of herself and/or low self-image, that she won’t allow herself to even think of wearing it.  At the end of the day she’s too concerned with how she will be perceived by others if she were to don this article of clothing.  It’s not so much that she “can’t get away with it,” because come on – you can wear whatever you feel like wearing.  We’re talking about New York for goodness sake.  You’d have to go out of your way to look weird here.  And by the by…no one cares.  Everyone is much too busy with their own stuff to even take the time to give you and your wardrobe (no matter how fancy you think you are) a second look.  No one cares.  And girl – we’re still talkin’ about a belt here.

But even if we broaden the scope, the message is still the same.  If your t-shirt is not offensive to others: wear it.  If your shoes aren’t gonna cause you to trip on the sidewalk: wear them.  If you like hot sauce on your potato chips: go for it.  If you don’t want to follow the career path that your parents have chosen for you: do it as diplomatically as you can, but speak up for yourself and let your voice be heard. 

Be you.

Love you.

It’s your individuality that makes you interesting.  If you’re totally consumed with fitting in and being like everyone else, what makes you special?  That’s almost like scrubbing away your fingerprint which just sounds foolish.  Don’t scrub you away.  When you think about your favorite contestants on American Idol, The Voice, So You Think You Can Dance, and/or America’s Next Top Model; they’re your favorites because they stood out in some way.  There was something memorable about them.  They left an impression.  Why should you be afraid to do the same thing?

Be the real you, and we will only love you more.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  www.stockfreeimages.com

Slide Into Your Happiness

Two months down and we have managed to crawl our way into March.  Already – right?  And my, oh my, am I feeling good.  I truly am.  I literally feel like I’m bursting at the seams with energy, and my heart is heavy with hope, faith, belief and excitement.  The only thing I really want to share with everyone today is happiness and the fact that it’s out there for the taking.  Each and every one of you is due your slice and your fair share.  If you are stuck living a life that doesn’t bring you happiness; it’s your fault.  If you are not being completely fulfilled in your current day-to-day; you have the power to change that.  If you have dreams that you’ve locked away; you still possess the key to bring them out of hiding.  If you look in the mirror and you hate the person you’ve become; I’m telling you now – you no longer have to be that person if you don’t want to be.  Happiness and fulfillment are well within your reach and you can have them both.  You should have them both, and you should only be disappointed with yourself if you don’t. 

Listen.  If you say to a child, “You can be anything you want to be,” why shouldn’t that statement still hold true for those over 18 years old?  Why not?  And don’t talk to me about responsibility.  Don’t talk to me about being a single mom or a single dad.  Don’t.  My question to you is, “Do you still believe you can be anything you want to be?”  My guess is you don’t.  I’m willing to put money on the fact that you believe your situation to be the rule, and when people are able to realize their dreams, they are the exception as far as you're concerned.  You know what??  Poppy-cock!  Someone sent you a package full of lies and you were the fool that signed your name when the delivery guy came, because it doesn’t have to be like that.  This world is filled with example after example of people overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds to get what they wanted.  In my opinion they are the rules to live by, not your neighbor/buddy/friend that believes that bad luck is the only kind of luck that exists.  Why don’t you let them have all the bad luck they want while you claim something a little different for yourself?

Let’s talk real quick about your job.  If you’re working a job that you don’t particularly care for, but you need it to provide – I’m not suggesting you dump it without a second thought.  Be mindful of your situation and your needs.  I am suggesting, however; that you look pick up some outside-of-work activities that will put a smile on your face and recharge your battery.  If you feel like your 9 to 5 is sucking the life out of you, then it is your duty to restore that life with things that feed your soul.  Exercising, volunteering, drawing, painting, singing, more time with your children, reading, dancing, or even taking some classes at your local community college.  Perhaps with some additional training and skills you’ll be able to walk away from that job and into a better one that’s not bleeding you dry emotionally.  All I’m asking is that you think outside the box.  I don’t want a single one of you to settle for unhappy.  It’s not cool, it’s not cute, and there’s so much more to life.  If you believe that the first grader has the power to be anything he/she wants to be, I beg that you also believe that for yourself.

Here’s my year so far…

JANUARY

I received the final version and accompanying products for my STILL STANDING logo.  STILL STANDING is my personal message of survival that will be the final bit of punctuation necessary to round out my brand.  Items aren’t yet available for purchase, but they soon will be.  I want to thank Spencer Owens and his wonderful team at 1Six5 Designs for making my dream a reality.

FEBRUARY

I received the final word that STEPPING ON A FEW TOES would have its east coast debut in New York City on the campus of College of Mount Saint Vincent.

Please, please, please do not be a bystander in your own life.  There is no reason you should be watching from the sidelines.  Make the decision to be active and participate and don’t stop until you’ve claimed your happiness.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  www.stockfreeimages.com