Pausing for a Moment

I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t send out a few warm thoughts and prayers for those that have been affected by Superstorm Sandy. Whether the damage was large or small I am thinking of you all.  I went to bed with you on my mind and the storm’s aftermath was the first thing I thought of this morning when I awoke.  I’m a native North Carolinian so I’ve grown up with hurricanes.  I’m very familiar with wading in ankle-deep water, I know a thing or two about boarding up windows, and I’ve even spent a night in a shelter.  But Sandy is something none of us have ever before experienced, and I just want you all to know that I am sincerely thinking of you, and praying that everyone is able to put the pieces of their lives back together sooner rather than later.  Keep your heads up and continue to remain positive.

For those that weren’t directly affected by Sandy, if you’re able, please think about giving to your local Red Cross.  Those that were directly hit will need as much help as they can get in the coming days and weeks.  If you’re able to donate time, unperishable food items, clothing, or monetary gifts, please consider doing so. 

That’s really all I want to say today. 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

I Just Called To Say...

There’s a saying about what happens when you assume things.  I won’t bother to break it down for you right now.  If you’ve never heard of it ask someone or do a quick online search.  The point is that assuming can often times get us in trouble and today I want to focus on the damage that we can do when assumptions are made in personal relationships.

Before I get started I’m just gonna say:  whether it’s a friend, a parent or a sig fig, if there are people in your life that you truly cherish, love, and care about – let them know.

It seems to be that people only assume you need to be shown love if you happen to be presenting yourself in a state of mild – severe dishevelment, sadness, confusion, anger or angst.  If you appear to be happy, confident and put-together, the assumption is that you’re “all good.”  Well can I speak for all those that are appearing to the world to be “all good?”  No one is ever 100%.  I don’t care how much money you have, how confident you are, how well things are going for you, you STILL need to be shown love and affection.  That person still needs to be affirmed and encouraged by those that are close to them.  He/she still craves a hug or two from his/her close friends and confidantes.  And every now and then they still need a shoulder to cry on.  Yes. Even the ones that appear to have it all together still need a listening ear and a shoulder every once in a while.  So stop assuming that they’re always “all good.”  You gotta stop that.  Even though they may walk through life every single day with their heads held high please stop assuming that they need no one.  Please don’t assume that they have no troubles.  Please don’t assume that nothing bothers them.  Please don’t assume that they have no bad days.  You can’t do that.  Even the pastor at church appreciates it when someone is genuinely interested in how they’re doing.  We’re all human, and we all want to know that someone cares or is at least concerned about our well-being.  And I don’t mean to paint a picture of a person that’s barely keeping it together, that may be the case a time or two, but all I’m saying is that even the best of us have bad days – even if we don’t show it.  And sometimes we’re looking to our close friends just to say, “Hey, we haven’t talked in a while.  How are things.”  That’s all we want.  We want you to mean it when you ask, but we just need to know that you care.  It’s comforting to know that even though I may appear “all good,” I’m not alone.  You don’t have to hold my hand as I go to the restroom and I’m not asking you to tuck me in at night, but it sure would be awesome if you inquired every once and again.  Just check in with me.  Virtually pop your head in via email even.  Just a little something to let me know that I’ve been on your mind and you’re taking the time to show me.  And again, this goes for anyone of value in our lives.  Anyone.  Think about how good you’ve felt when someone did something for you just because.  Not for a birthday.  Not for Christmas or some other significant holiday – but just because.  It made you feel great!  Special!  Like someone out there gave a darn.  That’s awesome, and each of us holds the power to create those moments with another.  And the “gifts” needn’t be anything tangible.  Often times just a simple phone call to say, “You were on my mind,” is more than enough to put a smile on someone’s face. 

I just want you to think about it.  As our weeks go by our head is filled with swillions of thoughts, many of which are about other people.  I’m only suggesting that we take a minute or two to let those individuals know they are being thought of.  There is such power in a simple gesture like that and it only takes an phone call, email, voice message, or a card in the mail.  Doesn’t take much, but it’s so worth it.  I think about the times that someone I haven’t spoken to in a while has called me just to check in – wow!  I felt so loved!  Whether we spoke for five minutes or an hour it completely made my day.  So I do my best to be that ray of sunshine for the special people in my life, and I’m just asking you to do the same.  You’ll be super-duper glad that you did!

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo: http://www.stockfreeimages.com 

Here's the Name of the Game

Even if you’ve got lint in your pockets, if you have a healthy dose of confidence and buckets of belief in yourself you could buy a small island.  Never mind what the facts say.  Never mind what your friends say.  And I know I’ve been on this soapbox a time or two before, but you’re just gonna have to bear with me as there is a very personal story tied to this posting.  A dear friend of mine, whose name I won’t say, has tested my patience to the last and I can’t stay quiet any longer. 

My friend has been an aspiring writer for fifty years.  That’s more years than I’ve been alive.  For fifty years he’s been telling family and friends that he’s chasing a dream and he’s been lying the whole time.  Sure he’s completed over thirty manuscripts, but he’s never had any intention on doing a thing with any of them.  Paper on top of paper shoved into this closet, that cabinet and the drawer over there.  Ideas for stories doodled on napkins and the backs of envelopes.  Bragging about his great American novel…all of this for fifty years.  I’m certain your first thought is that all his scribblings are garbage; nothing more than one-two-buckle-my-shoe.  Well, you’d be wrong.  And this is where I begin to lose my cool.  He’s a master storyteller that can weave words just as good as the greats, if not better.  He’s got a God-given gift wrapped in talent and skill that most only dream of.  So what gives, right?  He’s got the dream. He’s got the talent.  And he even has the finished products. He’s got FINISHED PRODUCTS.  Products.  With an “s” on the end.  Did you get that?  I can barely finish a short story and he has novels and full-length plays by the dozens…and they’re good.  Now the only question worth asking is, “Why don’t I know this guy’s name?  Why aren’t his books covering the windows of the few remaining bookstores out there?  Why isn’t there a thumbnail of his book cover on Amazon’s home page?”  I’ll tell you why.  Because for fifty years he hasn’t had the confidence to pound the pavement.  For fifty years he hasn’t truly believed he would make it.  For fifty years he’s been afraid to carry on a conversation with anyone that may be able to change his life for the better.  He’s shied away from aggressively pursuing literary representation or contacting publishers for fear of further rejection.  Let me go one more step.  On those few occasions where he did get positive feedback from someone that was in a position to help him, he ran away.  He gathered his papers and took the first flight back home.  Now I never really thought there was a such thing as having a fear of success until I met him.  And even though I see it right before my eyes, it’s a concept that I still don’t understand.  How can you want something so dog’on bad and not want it at the same time.  Hope and pray every night for this very thing, yet push it away with every bit of strength you’ve got.  Not only how do you do it, but why?  And that’s a why only he can answer, but I hate sitting on the sidelines watching my friend pretend to take two steps forward when in fact he’s gone nowhere.  I hate it.  And even more so I hate that I believe in him more than he believes in himself.  I hate that he’s too afraid to go out in the world and claim what’s rightfully his.  That he prefers the safety of his home.  That he’s ok with smiling to his friends and family as he talks about the pretend strides he’s making.  The fake progress.  The phony advances.  I hate that he will sacrifice and give his last for me, but he won’t do it for himself.

I don’t know if this is making sense to anyone other than me, but what I want to impress upon anyone with a dream and a shred of intellect is:  YOU CAN GET THERE, but it’s gonna mean you’ve got to take some steps.  I don’t know of a thing that we want that comes to us.  We have to go out and get it and we can’t be afraid of getting a few bumps, bruises, and scrapes along the way.  Do you think the winner of a boxing match comes out untouched?  It’s possible.  Maybe Iron Mike in his heyday, but that’s about it.  Even the winners look like hell by the end of it all – but they won!  They won and it made all the nicks and scratches worth it.  Battle wounds don’t hurt half as bad if you’re holding the trophy at the end of the war.  So as you’re looking at the road ahead that I’m sure looks spooky and ugly as hell – don’t focus on the valleys and peaks on the trail, focus on the end point, the destination.  Who gives a rip what you have to go through to get there?  You just have to get there.  And if you don’t have enough confidence and belief in yourself that you can make it, I assure you you won’t.  Stay home and don’t waste your time.  Take a nap.  Rest up for the lifetime of fake accomplishments you’re about to have.  But if you don’t want that to be your end result it doesn’t have to be.  And I know for sure I’ve said that before and I mean it with every fiber of my being.  You have the power to change you at any time.  Most people never will, but it’s very possible.  You just have to dig down deep inside and figure out who you really are, what you really want, and what’s really important to you at the end of the day.  I’m doing a lot of talking here, but this is important stuff.  YOU. HAVE. TO. BELIEVE. IN. YOU.  You have to.  And if you couple that belief with even a slice of confidence you will soar.  You will literally grow wings and take flight – ok, maybe not literally, but you get my meaning.  Listen.  I love to see my friends succeed and I want them all to do well and achieve the goals they set for themselves.  Seeing their accomplishment builds my belief and fuels my excitement.  So I need their success just as much as I need my own.  And whether you’ve been chasing your dream for five years or for fifty years it’s all the same.  Your destiny can change in a second but it all starts with you.  Do you want to run a marathon, start a family, go to law school, buy your dream house, be a cartoonist, invent a new iPhone app, win a Grammy, cure a disease, start your own business, help the less fortunate, win an Academy Award, or write the next great American novel?  Whatever it is that you want you can have it.  It’s all possible and it’s all within reach.  You just have to confidently say, “I believe.”  Then you have to take your first step and vow to yourself that you’ll take your second step the following day.  The name of this game is, “don’t stop.”  That’s how you’re gonna make it to the end.  Don’t stop.  Listen.  I believe in you, but it doesn’t amount to a hill of beans if you don’t believe in you.  If you’re ready we can take the first step together.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo credit:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/651686/Game-cube.html 

Coffee...Tea... It's Not For Everyone

I’m an introvert and dang proud of it.  It’s one of the qualities that I actually love about myself, yet it’s a characteristic that’s often misunderstood.  Most people think introverts are quiet, shy, unconfident, loners, and/or weird.  In truth, those are personality traits that are independent of introversion and extroversion.  Either person could possess any one of those traits – they’re not strictly tied to introverts.  By definition introversion and extroversion describes where one gets their energy.  An introvert gets their energy from solitude and/or one-on-one interactions, and an extrovert gets their energy from group settings.  Here are a couple examples…

INCLEMENT WEATHER

Let’s say your city has been hit by some inclement weather and everyone has been stuck inside for the past three days.  You’ll hear your extroverted friends saying things like, “I’m going stir-crazy.  I need to get out!”  Meanwhile you might not hear a peep from your introverted friends because they’re in hog-heaven.

THE PARTY

An introvert and an extrovert go to the same party.  The introvert eventually finds someone they deem interesting and they’ll spend the better part of the night getting to know that person.  However, by the end of the night, the extrovert has introduced themself to everyone in attendance, and has learned an interesting tidbit about each of them.  Both people leave the party after a few hours and they’ve both had an awesome time.

MONDAY MORNING

It’s almost guaranteed that your extroverted coworker will stop by at some point to say, “Good morning!  How was your weekend?  Do anything exciting?”  The person that never does that is probably an introvert.

What’s my point?  Well there are a few… Generally speaking the extroverts lives for chit-chat of any kind.  They’ve never met a stranger, and they have no problem speaking to anyone.  The introvert, however, calls that “idle chatter” and they have no interest in it.  They tend towards more intimate, meaningful conversation.  They seem to be more comfortable in one-on-one settings where they’re able to truly connect with another person.  Extroverts, on the other hand, just love people.  Close friends, associates, barely know ya – they don’t care.  They love people, they love meeting new people, and they love talking to them all.

Now going back to that notion of “energy” that I spoke about earlier…when you put an introvert in a group setting you may never know they’re an introvert because they can carry a conversation like the best of them.  They’re likeable, relatable, and look nothing like a wallflower.   And even though they appear to be having a blast, they leave completely drained and wiped out.  Being that “on” has taken them from full to empty and the only way to recharge their battery is to get in some alone time – and quick.  Their extroverted buddy?  Whew!  Their batteries are charged only when they’re in group settings, and God forbid they have to experience long periods of solitude, they get dog-tired.  It’s too much and they avoid it at all costs.

Is one better than the other?  Of course not!  We just have to be aware of who we’re dealing with and not take it personal when our introverted friends don’t necessarily want to tag along to every group event that comes up.  In most cases it’s just not fun for them.  They still love you, and would love to go out with *just you.*  The crowd just isn’t their bag of tea – even if it’s caffeinated.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo credit:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/5922063/Jasmine-pearl-tea.html