Keeping Your Cool: Part I

I had a conversation last evening with someone about the notion of being “cool,” and how one’s “coolness” can evolve and/or devolve as time passes.  Is it always true that the cool kids in grade school, high school and sometimes even college peaked too soon?  That’s as cool as they’ll ever get?  Once they leave their academic playgrounds it all goes to hell in a hand basket?  I hate to make broad generalizations, but it’s so often the case.  As we’re in school we look up to them even if only in silent admiration because they seem to have the all elusive “it.”  That special x-factor that allows them to exude charisma, confidence, and charm making them the center of popularity.  We look on in awe as they seem to have it all; everyone eating out of the palm of their hand and dancing to the beat of their drum.  We desperately want to be them, or at least experience a shred of the easy life we assume they’re living.

Now I’m not a psych major so I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of the cool kids’ brains, but I’m willing to put money on the fact that their lives are never as “easy” as they appear or as we assume they are.  That’s just a little note for you.  What I really want to talk about is this whole “cool” thing.  You know what it really boils down to?

1. being your true self

2. pursuing your dream, no matter what it may be

3. having confidence

Mark my words sons and daughters; if you can conquer those three things, you are without a doubt “cool.”  It’s really as simple as that, but we make it so dog’on hard.  Most people will live their entire lives never having managed #1, and from where I sit if you can’t get #1 down #2 and #3 go right out the window. 

Why is it so difficult for humans to just be?  Be you.  Be yourself.  As long as you’re not bringing harm to others, why wouldn’t you want to be authentic to you?  It takes way more effort pretending, and it’s such a drag.  My gosh.  The fake smiles…the fake friends…the fake fun…  For who??   For what??  Seriously.  Who stands to gain from your pretending?  Who benefits from that nonsense?  You may think I’m talkin’ shop right now, but life is so much easier and freer when you allow you to be you.  And that could be where the academic cool kids fall short.  I’d be willing to bet most of them are pretending their way through popularity and by the time adulthood comes they’ve forgotten who they really are, and most of them may not know.  So now all of a sudden the uncool peeps have a leg up.  They’ve been nothing but themselves the whole while but never seemed to reap the benefits of living that “true” life.

Then it happens.  The heavens shift and the tables turn.  The cool become uncool and the uncool are now awesome.  I’m writing this with a smile on my face because I was nowhere near cool in school.  I don’t have to tell you what I am now, though…  That would be uncool.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  thinkingjewgirl.blogspot.com    

Gain Confidence. Gain Strength.

Have you ever gone to the movies by yourself?  Ever grabbed a table for one at a restaurant to enjoy some lunch or dinner?  Ever enjoyed some summer sun at the beach or in the park solo?  Ever dared to be seen at a bar, a party, or a club without a buddy or your entourage?  Are you settled and comfortable in your skin or do you feel like all eyes are on you when you’re out alone?  There’s something to be said for those individuals that have no problem going and doing all by themselves.  And for those that can’t seem to muster the courage to do so, I’ve gotta ask why.  What is it that keeps you from stepping out without the company of others?  Do you throw a stare of judgment to those that you see dining alone?  In secret do you have pity for them because they appear friendless in your eyes?  Or do you look on with envy wishing you had the guts to enjoy a spell of public solitude?  Either way, whether your stare is one of judgment or envy, the bottom line is the same.  You lack the confidence that they possess. 

Confidence is such a tricky thing because our family, friends and environment begin building up or tearing down our confidence when we’re infants.  The way we’re treated by our parents in our infancy directly impacts on how we interact with others once we begin school.  And how we’re treated in grade school directly impacts how we get along in high school.  And those high school and college interactions mold and shape our behavior for years to come.  So I get it and I hope others do as well.  When anyone talks about confidence, there’s a lifetime of interactions that need to be involved in that conversation.  It’s never as simple as what happened last week or last month.  If it were, it would be much easier to fix.  Confidence, over confidence, and lack of confidence are issues that run deep for us all and it’s nothing that comes with an over-the-counter cure.  This is an area that’s all about self-reflection and personal accountability.  It may take time, but the self-discovery is well worth it.  We should all make a point to examine our pasts to uncover those things that either gave us confidence or destroyed it.  Little by little you’ll begin to see where the right turns were made and what wrong ones to avoid in the future. 

Then it’s time to employ some personal responsibility.  Perhaps our parents weren’t perfect.  Maybe the kids on the playground were a little cruel.  But now we’re here and it’s time to make a decision not to let our past dictate our future.  It’s time for us to be confident IN SPITE of our pasts.  And trust me, it won’t happen overnight, and it’s not easy as pie – but it’s so dog’on empowering.  When you get to the place where you’re able to hold your head up high regardless of how you were picked on in school…regardless of how your parents treated you…regardless of what your high school friends thought of you… When you get to that place – there truly is no turning back and others will flock to you because you will have what they so desperately crave.

Confidence.  It’s a tricky thing, but it’s not impossible.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  www.stockfreeimages.com