On My Journey

I’m an over achiever.  I am definitely a perfectionist and I’m very task and goal oriented.  And though these are things I’m proud of, I am not in the least bit trying or meaning to brag.  I wish I had a little more “go with the flow” in my DNA; I think life would be easier to live and maybe even a tad more fun for me.  Not that it’s a complete chore right now, it’s just that I haven’t quite got the handle of “taking it easy.”  I only know how to work; how to complete; how to build; how to accomplish.  I don’t really know anything else.  And in all of that I’m striving for perfection in myself and I seek it in others as well – and there’s the tricky part.  That’s when the challenges arise.  I think it’s ok to push myself to the edge and back.  I love trying to squeeze blood out of the turnip that is me – that’s what I live for!  But I’m realizing not everyone else does, and I have to learn to be ok with that.  I’ve at one time or another found myself in personal and/or working relationships with people that in some form or fashion compromised my integrity and all I could do was search for the EXIT door.  Counting the days until the whole thing was over.  Wishing to God I’d never been attached to these people.  The entire situation became agony, burdensome, and just flat out painful; seeming to suck out the very essence of me leaving a dried up, ugly shell behind.  The whole while I’m hating myself for being involved.  

Then someone said to me, “Never let yourself feel like a victim.  YOU know what your objective is and YOU know who you are in your heart.”  He went on to say that if I let myself feel powerless then I was powerless.  He reminded me who I was and told me that just because my name is Jasmynne Shaye I resonate strength and power.  He reminded me that everything is a means to an end – and that’s when it clicked.  In dealing with the junk I had somehow forgotten my purpose and he reminded me of that.  He urged me to focus on that and only that.  And even when I complained about being surrounded by negativity he said, “It takes a mix of negatives and positives to make a whole.  We can not only focus on the positive outcomes and aspects of life.”  He reminded me that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and he said, “We all want the positive results and outcomes, but you can’t get there without a journey.”  He said, “Jasmynne, this is just enhancing your ability to adjust.”  And that’s when I got excited because the pig-slop of a situation that was bringing me down would only be temporary.  The growth and life lessons I would learn while on my journey – well, those are permanent.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Marching On

I don’t understand.  I really don’t understand.  I got up around 7:15 this morning, jumped online, and the first story on Yahoo’s homepage was about a guy that opened fire at a midnight showing of Batman in Aurora, CO and I’m furious.  Of course my heart weeps for the families that lost loved ones, and I ache for those that sustained injuries.  But I am flat out angry because movie-going has always been associated with freedom, fun and family.  We go to the movies to escape our real lives.  We go to bond with friends.  And as artists we go to support those on the screen, to charge our creative batteries, and to get inspired.  We look forward to these opportunities to feed our dreams and all that may have been ruined by one person.  I just don’t get it.  The movies.  Is nothing off limits anymore?  Is anything still sacred?  The movies?  I don’t understand.  And as I search for answers I’m left a little empty and hollow.  What specific events have to unfold in a person’s life to lead them to such an act?  What’s at the root of their unhappiness?  Was it a series of unfortunate events that forced them to “snap,” or was it a single moment that sent them over the edge?  I don’t know, and I probably will never know.  But something has to change; and its incidents like this that make me want to crusade for goodness all the more.  Not to get all “after school special” on you, but I’m a firm believer that it begins at home with the parents.  And please know that I’m not blaming the parents of James Holmes – I have no right to go there.  Right now I’m speaking in general terms and I’m using myself as an example.  I know for a fact that I am who I am today as a direct effect of my upbringing, and more specifically as a direct effect of my parental interactions.  I’ve got no doubt about that.  And though I’ve never had the inkling to bring harm to large groups of people, I have carried lots of anger with me for many years – and that’s not good.

Gosh, am I rambling?  This Colorado business has really got me on one.  Perhaps I should have formed my thoughts a bit better before taking to this blog – but such is life.

All I know is if I’m serious about affecting real change in this world, I’ve got my hands full – but it’s not impossible.  I refuse to let Mr. Holmes’ actions destroy my spirit.  I won’t do it.  I will take a moment to mourn and reflect and then I’m back to work, and I know that I’m not alone.  This country is filled with many people doing great work to help heal and uplift the world and I remain encouraged by them.  They are the soldiers that I have chosen to march with and I couldn’t be happier.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Quirky Celebration

If you know me at all or have bothered to read a post or two on this thing I’m calling a blog, you know that I grew up feeling like a misfit and it made for a difficult, unhappy childhood.  Elementary school should be nothing but good times and laughter for all kids.  Outside of getting the coodies every now and then, it really should be fun for everyone.  High school is a time when we’re trying to flex our independence a bit with later curfews and self chauffeuring.  We might even get a job to find out what it’s like to earn our own money.  These four years are filled with experiences that are meant to mold and prep us for the supposed ‘real world’ (which is nothing like MTV, btw).  And for those that choose higher education, the years spent at university can be some of the wildest, most exhilarating times you’ll ever see.  Complete independence, making your own decisions, failing or succeeding at your own hand, finding out who you are and gaining precious intellect the whole while.  Great times.  Or at least they should be.  And this isn’t my sob story, because I know I’m not alone, but they weren’t awesome times for me.  Elementary…high school…college…it wasn’t great, and there are several reasons why, but a lot had to do with the fact that I just really never “fit” and I couldn’t understand why.  Everyone would be eager about going left when I wanted to go right.  The vast majority found enjoyment in things that literally got on my last nerve.  The masses seemed to have the same likes, dislikes, values, and integrity.  Then there was me.  Sore thumb me.  But in an effort to not be the odd man out, I did everything in my power to adopt their ways – feeling unfulfilled the whole time.  It was awful, and I would end up being disgusted with myself and embarrassed at my behavior.  Let me see if I can get to my point here…

Moving to Los Angeles, surrounding myself with other artists, has shown me that I’m not alone.  And believe you me, I used to hate people that used their artistry as an excuse to act a fool, be eccentric, or obviously odd for no apparent reason.  All the “craziness” seemed pointless and I swore they were nothing more than shameless attention whores.  And a few of them may be, but the majorities aren’t.  Most of them are individuals that are being true to their true selves and living without fear, shame, or regret. 

I’m getting there – or at least trying.

OK – to my point.  I was speaking with my brother, Justin Key, on Sunday and we discussed the importance of artists surrounding themselves with other artists.  Your closest friends should be artists.  Your lover and most trusted confidant should be an artist.  And Justin and I both agree that this is a bold statement, and it’s one that is frequently discussed amongst creative people.  But the point is, as an artist you have a better chance of being completely understood if you’re surrounded by other creative people.  There will be less need for explaining yourself to death; they’ll just “get it.”  And what a wonderful feeling – to be “gotten.”  It really doesn’t get much better.  When you say that something is a part of your “process” they just get it.  When you say that you have to get away for a bit, they just get it.  When you change the color of your hair six times in a twelve month period – they get it.  Everyone deserves to be understood.  Everyone deserves to have a sense of belonging.  Take this post as gospel or with a grain of salt (whatever that means), but if you’re a creative person, chances are you know exactly what I’m talking about.  Find those people that celebrate your quirks and I guarantee life will become less of a chore.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

A Slicker, Umbrella & All-Weather Boots

Tony! Toni! Tone! wasn’t quite right.  It may not happen often, but it does indeed rain in southern California.  And rain here is the equivalent of snow in the southeast.  No one is prepared for it, and not a soul seems to be able to safely and successfully navigate a vehicle in it.  We had a few sprinkles yesterday, and it got me to thinking about preparedness.  Being ready.  Having a back up plan.  Hell, having a plan at all. 

 

Have you ever met those people that say, “Man, I used to drive a Benz” (fill in the blank with the high end vehicle of your choosing).  Or the ones that brag about all the money they used to make at fill-in-the-blank job.  Their faces light up with excitement as they reflect on the days of yesteryear when their bank accounts were fat and they had it going on.  But you look at them now and often times they are worse off than they were before they got blinged out.  Why?  How does that happen?  How is it that you can work a job for six months, a year or even longer and make a steady, very generous income, and the second the job is over you don't have a pot to piss in?  How the blankety-blank does that happen?  I’ll tell you how.  You actually believed Tony! Toni! Tone!  You bought their lie hook, line and sinker.  They sent you a bag of tricks that you gladly signed for, and you never thought to plan for a rainy day.  Well shame on you.  Someone once told me that if you make $200 learn to live off $100 and stash the rest.  That same mentor also shared these nuggets with me:

 

1.  Always live beneath your means.

2.  Don’t buy a vehicle that you can’t pay cash for.

3.  Never purchase the newest technology the second it comes out – the prices will always go down.

4.  Sit on all major purchases.  When you want something, write it down, and wait 3-6 months.  If you’ve been able to manage without it, chances are you don’t need it.  If it’s something that you still want after your ‘waiting period,’ set goals and make yourself earn it.

5.  Establish a monthly savings goal and stick to it NO MATTER WHAT even if it means going without something else.  Pay yourself first. 

 

All I’m saying is no matter who you are; no matter where you live, rain is always on the way.  There will always be a rainy day (or two or three).  So if you know and understand that to be a fact, why not always have an umbrella with you?  Of course we don’t know when it’s coming, but we can at least be prepared.  Stop behaving so foolishly spending every single nickel the second you get it.  And stop bragging about the shiny toys you USED to own, because no one really cares (just being honest).  Invest in an umbrella now so that you’re prepared for the next rainy day.  It may not be because of anything you yourself did, but there will come a day when you’ll have to put away your flip flops and don those all-weather boots in the back of your closet.  Why not prepare yourself now?

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Force It

Sometimes right in the middle of chaos, mass hysteria and confusion you just have to DO.  Do something that makes no sense.  Do something that you wouldn’t ordinarily do if the oceans were calm and you were thinking straight.  Do something that you would never do without complete and thorough planning.  Sometimes you just gotta DO.

“If you build it, they will come.”

“If you take a step, the ground will appear.”

Neither are phrases that I’ve coined, but I’m sure you’ve heard them (or something similar) before.  And what’s all the talk about?  Doing.  The talk is about doing.  The talk is about making something – no – FORCING something to happen.  Using your own power, your own might, your own creativity, your own sweat and your own drive to shake things up and literally force something to happen.  Aren’t you sick of waiting for “the right time”?  Aren’t you tired of “getting ready”?  Haven’t you had enough of watching others conquer their fears and accomplish their goals?  With every step they take they get one inch closer to realizing their dreams?  You’ve got to be sick of that by now.

Reality TV sucks.  We all know by now that there’s nothing “real” about it.  It’s cheap in every sense of the word; TV’s version of Doritos, if you will.  Taste one and you want them all.  Have them all and suffer the guilt later.  But I’ll speak up for a few shows out there that are giving everyday people the opportunity to achieve their dreams.  I get inspired when I see a seventeen year old dancer on So You Think You Can Dance dancing with perfect technique and all the passion in the world.  Or when I see a twenty-three year old designer on Project Runway that could go head-to-head with Zac Posen.  That’s inspiring to me!  How could it not be!?!  Then I get to scratching my head and asking myself how they’ve managed to get so far so quickly.  How are they so young and so talented that they are now able to showcase their skill on such a major platform?  Why am I not there?  What have they done differently?  And the answer I got was a simple one.  They DID, and they never stopped doing.  When life got crazy; they did.  When the shit hit the fan; they did.  When they were uncertain of their next move; they did.  That’s why they are where they are.  That’s how they got there.  They got there by doing.

So of course it’s caused me to do a gut-check, and it’s made me reevaluate how I spend my time.  I’ve said it once, but it’s worth saying again.  There’s only twenty-four hours in a day.  How are you spending yours?

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Pocket Full of Gems

I want to take a moment to give my true blue buddies a shout out.  Man – I love you guys!  You are so incredibly awesome, and I thank God that our paths crossed.  Anyone should count themselves lucky when you find a friend that you can trust and confide in.  And you’ve really got a gem if you’ve got one that has your back no matter what.  One that roots for you and is genuinely happy when you succeed.  That’s rare.  Even the closest BFFs harbor a little envy every now and then.  But when you stumble across those rare ones...whew!  There’s nothing like it!  And nobody has to tap you on your shoulder to make you aware of what you’ve got.  You know it immediately.  People such as these are so uncommon that you’re almost blown away when you meet them.  True treasures.  Treasures put on this earth to help us out as we journey life’s rocky terrain and put here to be shining examples of human nature.  Uh!  If you’re blessed enough to have just a few of these in your close circle, you don’t need to crowd your speed dial with the other ones.  The ones that are only concerned with what you can do for them.  The ones that take, take, take.  The ones that continually cry on your shoulder yet they never have the time to wipe your watery eyes.  The ones flock to you when you achieve success but were nowhere to be found during your struggle.  Why even waste the space on your SIM card with their contact information?  Why bother? 

So today I’m stretching my arms out to those that have been nothing but supportive over the years.  I moved to Los Angeles in 2005, and feel so fortunate that these gems came into my life.  They have offered me words of wisdom.  They have listened to my tears.  They have cheered me on, and they have shared in my successes.  I am so grateful.

One of my gems has just been given an opportunity to work abroad for six months or longer.  He’ll be entertaining in a foreign country, soaking up a new culture, meeting new friends, making new contacts, and I couldn’t be happier for him.  I am ecstatic, and I know he’d feel the same for me if the tables were turned.

So that’s where I am today.  I’m saturated in feelings of gratitude not only because I love my friends, but because I’ve got more than one or two of these special people in my life.  They make me feel like I can do anything.  Like the sky is my only limit.  A single conversation with anyone of them and I’m ready to conquer the world, and isn’t that what friendship is supposed to be about?  Enough of the backstabbing and the belittling.  Enough.  So I’m wearing a huge smile on my face today because I’ve got a pocket full of gems that no amount of money could buy.  I’m rich.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

I’m Crawling In

During an interview Monica once said that she was too young to know what she was singing about on “Just One of Them Days.”  Well I’m a bit past twelve and I can just about swear she made that song for me.  That one line:  “It’s just one of them days / When I gotta be all alone.”  Hmph!  She’s about to make me go to church with that one line!  Can I get a witness?  Does anyone feel me?  No disrespect to family, no disrespect to friends, no disrespect to my coworkers. None meant to anyone, but sometimes you just want to be left the hell alone.  My Lord.  If for no other reason than to sort yourself.  Sometimes I can’t bring my troubles to you until I make sense of them for myself.  Sometimes I need to let off some steam prior to speaking to you so that I can talk to you like I have some sense.  Whew!  Sometimes I need to retreat to solitude for the sake of our relationship.  If I were to open my lips to speak to you right now you might not like what I have to say, and there’s a good chance I’ll regret a good deal of it.  There’s even a chance I won’t.  Sometimes I get ghost because I’m protecting you.  Because I love you.  Because I care enough about us and our relationship not to go there.  Solitude.  Meditation.  Prayer.  Privacy.  All of that.  I need all of it, and you shouldn’t feel threatened by it.  To all my nears and dears listen when I say this, “I haven’t disappeared because I want nothing to do with you.  I’m taking a siesta for ME.  For my mental health and my own well being.  It’s something that I’m doing for myself.”

Boy I could go on forever on this topic.  But I’ve learned that no one likes reading blog-novels so I won’t.  Just know this.  Whether it’s solitude or a bike ride, or a jog, or music, or a bowl of ice cream;  you have to know what it takes to reset your battery.  When you feel yourself getting stretched too thin; getting pulled in too many directions – you have to know what it takes to get you back to that happy, balanced place.  And no matter what it is (as long as it doesn’t bring harm to you or another), you’ve got to be confident enough to call on your bag of tricks at a moment’s notice.  Don’t be afraid.  Your mental well being is worth it.  Absolutely.  The worst thing that can happen is for you to straight snap on a friend or loved one.  That’s good for no one, and the only reason why those things happen is because we’re not taking care of ourselves.  So again I say, “Do you.”  I’m about to find a hole to crawl into for a little while.  All I ask is that you mind the D-N-D sign that’ll be hanging outside.  I won’t be away for long, I promise.  And when I emerge I’ll do so with a smile on my face and some much needed pep in my step.  Oooo!  I can’t wait!  OK – catch you on the other side.  Peace out!

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.