Let Someone Else Claim That Baggage

Today is Day 4 of the New Year and I’ve only got one message:  leave all your mess at the door.

Every moment we’re alive we have the opportunity to make changes and do something a little different than we’re accustomed.  That’s a gift that we all have, yet few take advantage of.  However; every December 31^st most sprint for the chance to make grand, sweeping changes in their lives; also known as ‘resolutions.’  Well I don’t necessarily believe in resolutions, but I’m all for positive change; and if the New Year is the time you’re choosing to do it, so be it.

I’m not gonna talk about your addictions.  I’m not gonna talk about your anger issues.  I’m not going to dig into the reasons why you hate your mother or your father.  Your baggage is your baggage and you know exactly what it is… you know exactly how many pieces of luggage you have… and you know exactly how much all that mess weighs.  I’m giving you until Monday night to drop it all.  Say good-bye to every stitch of it once and for all.  It’s weighing you down and it’s hindering you from becoming the best you’re able to become.  It’s given you its fair share of worry, sleepless nights, heartache, pain, disappointment, and frustration.  Enough is enough.  And I think even carrying it seven days into the year is too much, but I realize it takes most folks a little time to choose, decide and adjust.  And let’s be honest.  I’m not telling you anything that you haven’t already thought of.  Especially if you’ve spent any time thinking about what you hope to gain out of this fabulous new year.  You’re already thinking it; all I’m doing is prodding you to speed up the process a little bit.  For the people that are living perfect, fun-filled lives – clearly I’m not speaking to you.  I’m speaking to anyone that wants something different and knows they are capable of more – if they could just rid themselves of a few things/people.  I say, “Do it!  And do it now!”

There is a book entitled, “You Can’t Steal Second With Your Foot On First,” and that’s the message I’m trying to get to you (awesome book by the way).  If you’re truly focused on what’s ahead of you, you can’t possibly have the energy to keep looking behind you.  You just can’t.  And if you’re wondering why you keep taking two steps forward just to keep getting pushed three steps back; it’s because you’re knuckles are white from clutching on to old mess.  Let it go, man.  Come on now…just let it go.  I know the unknown is scary at times, but I would much rather see what it’s got to offer than to keep dragging around a bunch of heavy bags.  Good grief!  You’ve got to be tired!  You have to be!  No wonder you can’t make any headway – you’re carrying around all that unnecessary mess.  That would be a task for even the best athletes.  Shed it now.  Get that pep back in your step.  You’ve probably forgotten what that felt like, but you can have it back.  You need it back.  I need you to have it back.  But I’m only gonna ask this once.  You’ve got till midnight on Monday, January 7^th to be done with it all.  And, please… don’t start in with the excuses.  But Jasmynne this – And but Jasmynne that.  Let’s not, ok?  You know I don’t have time.  This is already something you’ve been thinking about, I’m just giving you confirmation that, yes, you need to go ahead and get it done.  And I’m going one more step by giving you a timeline to work within.  Everything else is up to you.  Take it or leave it.  But know this:  until you rid yourself of all that luggage, you’ll never beat me in a foot race.  Never.

Let the games begin!

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo:  http://pushingthirtyy.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/baggage-claim.jpg

This Has Nothing To Do With Your Birthday

I literally just wrote to a friend of mine, “I love being first.”  Not sure if that makes me competitive or not… Neither here nor there.  Anyone that has known me for more than a day knows that I hate to lose.  Point is…THIS is the first.  This posting will serve as my first words to you in 2013, and I gotta be honest… I’m feeling the pressure.  For some reason I feel like all eyes are on me and you’re all waiting for me to say something truly meaningful and profound to help get your year off to an amazing start.  Well…my apologies beforehand should I disappoint.  I’ve got no tricks up these sleeves today.  Not much of anything up the sleeves right now to be honest.  I’m just excited.  I couldn’t settle down to write to you until I had first written to myself, and I did.  In Jasmynne Shaye fashion, I wrote out my goals for the year; wrote out my prayer for 2013; and I have again charged myself to accomplish one new thing each month this year.  Whew!  I wasn’t sure if I was gonna go for that again, but I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least try.  I’ve gotta try.  The worst that can happen is I miss a month or two – still puts me in a winning position by the end of the year.  I’m choosing to think of it as a win/win.

And I want you all to be winners as well.  And I’m here to tell you that it’s as simple as making a choice.  You choose to win or you choose to lose.  Disagree with me all you like, but I’m right about this one. 

“But, Jasmynne, I want to win; I just don’t know how.”

“But, Jaz, I gave it my all and I still failed.”

“Jazzie, if you had the year I had last year, you’d cut me some slack.”

“I’m just tired of trying.”

“I don’t have your kind of luck.”

“God hates me.”

“I don’t have any support.”

“I don’t even know where or how to get started.”

“I’m just not like you.”

Go ahead. Pick one.  Select the excuse you prefer and tuck it in your pillow case tonight.  Write it on your bathroom mirror and post it on your refrigerator.  Send out an email blast and tweet it to all your followers.  Tell the whole world why you can’t cut the mustard, and send me a note detailing all the sympathy you receive; because I want to know.

Now come here.  Come closer.  I don’t want to have to reach too far to slap some sense into you.  WAKE UP!!!  No one cares!  Are you hearing me??  No one gives to rips about your hardships.  No one.  Even the ones that say they do – don’t.  No one cares, so cut it out with the pity party.  All you’re doing is sitting in a puddle of milk looking and sounding foolish. 

What do you want?  Who do you want to be?  Do you know?  Are those questions you’ve even taken a moment to answer for yourself?  Here’s a secret.  Either YOU answer those questions for yourself or someone else does.  Then you’re stuck half-living a mediocre life helping someone else accomplish their dreams.  And I’m here to tell you that you’re better than that. You are.

You’re probably sick of me telling you about it, but I’m gonna take it back to Formula 409.  Yes.  The household cleaner.  It is called ‘409’ because it was the four hundred and ninth solution that was the winner.  You getting this?  Four hundred and eight failed attempts.  4  0  8.  So when you say that you’ve tried I question how hard.  When you say you don’t know where to begin, I say start somewhere.  When you say you have no support, I say welcome to my world.  When you say you’re not like me and you have no luck and nothing you attempt works – I ask you, “Have you made 408 attempts?”  Until you have, I don’t want to hear it.  I’m sorry, I just don’t.  Do you understand that I’m a winner because I choose to be.  Because I decided a long time ago that failure was not an option for me.  I made a decision.  Simple as that.  And not everything I attempt works out, but I certainly don’t get my undies in a bunch because of it.  I press on.  I move forward.  Thing is:  I know exactly where I want to go.  I know exactly what I want and I know exactly who I am.  Those are things that I have no question about whatsoever.  And because I am rock solid on those, everything else is cake.  Just a piece of yummy (vegan) cake.  If you want a slice, take it.  Last I checked no one was walking around with cake samples on a silver tray.  You’re gonna have to elbow your way through the crowd to grab a slice; and once you get it guard it with your life because there is a thief around every corner hoping you’ll turn your back long enough for yours to be snatched away.

I think I’ve said enough.  I’m off to enjoy my slice and I pray you’re lacing up your shoes to go out and get yours.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo:  www.stockfreeimages.com

Out With the Old, In With the New Year!

I have no doubt that today is a day of reflection for many. It’s the last…the end of yet another 365 day cycle; and good, bad, or indifferent, we’ve made it. Fingers crossed, we will wake up tomorrow morning with smiles on our faces ready to meet the highs and lows of the year we’re calling 2013. Today is indeed a good day. And for the final time this year, I will share with you what I’ve managed to get done. With the goal of accomplishing one new thing each month, this is how my 2012 shaped up…

JANUARY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES successfully completed another run by participating in Whitefire Theatre’s Solofest 2012.

FEBRUARY

I participated in another installment of URBAN LEGENDS, a poetry showcase held several times a year in Hollywood, CA.

I co-directed the short play THE BLACK HISTORY OF POLITICS written by Justin Key.

MARCH

I was a featured guest on the Rare Woman show, and the interview can be heard here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-031612.mp3

APRIL

I worked at this year’s Milk and Bookies (http://www.milkandbookies.org/), which is a celebrity charity event that focuses on literacy and giving books to children that don’t have access to books of their own. It was a wildly fun event and I was part of a host of character actors brought in to entertain the kids in attendance. The character I played? The White Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland, and yes – Alice was there with me. We had a blast.

In addition, I had the great fortune of being the guest on the Rare Woman radio show again last Friday. Feel free to listen here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-042712.mp3.

MAY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES had a successful run of a show sponsored by the Rare Woman organization on May 12, 2012.

I was the guest speaker at A Celebration of Strong Women presented by The Dream Catcher’s Foundation on May 31, 2012.

JUNE

I worked as Associate Producer on CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE, an indie short written and directed by Nicolle Whalen. It’s a comedic film taking a look at how far one will go to secure funds for a film. In addition it gives perspective on the homeless living in Los Angeles. I had a small cameo in the film as well.

JULY

I have created my very first poetry CD. The title is STILL STANDING and it’s a compilation of some of my most intimate pieces, really letting you into the life and mind of the person that is Jasmynne Shaye. My poems are laid to original music by Jasonic Audio. I’m calling it the soundtrack of my life. Interested in owning your own copy? Email Noelle Ryan for info: soft_noelle@yahoo.com

AUGUST

I have been hired to be a regular contributor for the new online presence: YEAH I SAID IT MAGAZINE (http://yeahisaiditmagazine.com/). I was invited by the site's founder and creator, Bonnie Sludikoff, because of my unique writing style. With this site it is her goal to cultivate conversations that engage and enlighten at the same time. I am super excited to be a part of this fresh, new online space, and I can't wait to unleash my tongue on the world! Yeah, I said it! [More info regarding the site's official launch will be forthcoming.]

SEPTEMBER

I was one of three selected artists invited to provide entertainment at this year’s Miss California Ethnic World Pageant. I performed an excerpt from my one-woman show, STEPPING ON A FEW TOES, and had an absolute blast. It was a great opportunity and a wonderful experience.

OCTOBER

I worked as Associate Producer on a short film written by David Burrus, Sr and David Burrus Jr. It’s called PARANEGRO ACTIVITY and is an obvious take on the popular Paranormal Activity series. The film is directed by Jaimyon Parker and it describes how events are likely to unfold if the freaky events were to take place within the home of a African American family. The set was ton and I’ll stop right there before I get to giving it all away. As always, it was a blast to be able to team up with Jai Parker again. His brilliance and creativity continues to blow me away. Stay tuned for more updates on PARANEGRO ACTIVITY.

NOVEMBER

Both sites get a facelift!! That’s right gang… the Jasmynne Shaye website and the Stepping On a Few Toes site both have fresh new looks – wait for it – created by yours truly!! Yesireebob! I did it all myself. I put that challenge on myself a few months ago, and I tied myself to a computer until they were complete. So I welcome you to check them both out. Now each site is equipped with an online purchasing section where you’re able to pick up your own copy of the show as well as other fun things. So go on…have a look-see and tell me what you think.

DECEMBER

In a sentence: I made it to New York.

I set goals for myself every year but I’ve never forced myself to achieve monthly accomplishments. In doing so I stretched myself and saw that I’m capable of much more than I thought. And having to remain accountable to my readers was key. Of course I never wanted to let myself down, but I certainly didn’t want to ever have to come to you all with my tail between my legs saying, “I tried.” This was such a worthwhile project and I think it’s one I may have to carry over into next year, and I really urge you all to join me. Just by putting this kind of expectant, positive energy into the universe good things come to you that you hadn’t even thought of or asked for. Three easy steps:

1. Set the goal

2. Make a plan

3. Follow through

It’s really not that difficult. Even the most daunting tasks can be broken down into bite-sized pieces. I think the important thing is to do something everyday. When you lay your head to rest each night you should be able to do so with a smile on your face knowing that you’re one step closer than you were before that day began. It’s so empowering and it totally builds your self-confidence. I am now at the place where I no longer believe anything is impossible. Everything is possible as far as I’m concerned and I’m excited to unwrap the box of possibilities that is waiting for me on the other side of midnight.

I want to take a moment to thank you all for journeying with me on this blog all year. You have given me so many kind words and so much encouragement. I sincerely thought me and my imaginary friends would be the only people reading this thing and you guys have shocked the pants off me. Thank you HUGE and many blessings to you all. I pray 2012 has given you at least one thing to smile about and I hope 2013 continues to build on that positive energy. I really think we’re all gonna be in for a wild ride and I could not be more excited! Whew! Come on guys! Celebrate (safely) tonight and kiss number ’12 good-bye, because ’13 has told me, “We ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”

Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I love you guys!

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo:  http://www.prlog.org/12032440-new-year-2013.jpg 

See The Possibilities & Love Their Potential

I believe it to be a very noble thing to choose to see someone as their potential as opposed to scrutinizing their faults. Very noble, indeed. And you know what I mean. Especially the parents out there. In those moments when your son or daughter has behaved less like an angel and more like something else; you can either cut them at their knees cursing the day they were born, or you can continue to love and support them because though they don't quite see it yet – you see more. You're able to look beyond today's mishaps and see them as the being they are meant to become. You have no problem forgiving their blunders, small and large, because you know for a fact that this sort of behavior is only temporary.

I know this is an area that parents are all too familiar with. Teachers as well. Pick any school, and any grade and you'll find a teacher that has at one time or another believed in a student much more than said student was able to believe in themselves. I think this gentle-hearted attitude can also be found in romantic relationships. As a mater of fact, I know it can.

Someone recently shared a story with me about a couple that has been together for more than thirty years. Today what everyone sees is a strong, rock solid marriage that most will only taste in their dreams. But when I learned of how this couple's relationship began, I realized they have come a very long way...

At the onset of their dating relationship, the man was a bit of a loose cannon while the female was a bit more traditional, refined, and put together. He was into things, people and activities that she could not be paid to be involved in, yet she stayed. She continued dating a man that, on the outside, appeared to be nothing but trouble. He was an absolute mess, and it seemed he really had nothing to offer her. Yet she stayed.

I didn't get a blow-by-blow of the in's and out's of the courtship, because I didn't need them. The story was already becoming very clear to me. I learned that she stayed because even in his chaos she saw the potential for greatness. As he wandered aimlessly she somehow knew where the course would lead. She saw his strength before he had any. She saw his power when he was weak. She may well have been the only person that could have tolerated his rambunctious behavior, killing him with kindness the whole way through.

And I know it took me a while to get here, but that's the point I want to make to you today. In human interactions you have no control over how the other person will behave. You have no control over their actions nor over the words they speak. But you have COMPLETE control over your own. No matter what the circumstance is, you have 100% control over how you respond and react to it. Every emotion you feel, I'm sure, has a valid point of origin and I don't discount that; but it's your choice to operate in a tit-for-tat space or in a space of love and kindness.

Someone steps on your shoe, so you step on theirs.

Someone calls you a name, so you call them a worse name.

Someone makes a comment that rubs you the wrong way, so you give them the tongue lashing of the century.

Sure. Absolutely. You have every right to respond in that manner, and I won't sit here and say otherwise. But I will say those responses/reactions aren't the only ones available to you. Those may be the easiest to access in your bag of tricks – I'll give you that, but they aren't the only things in the bag. And it definitely takes some time to respond with love when the other person seems to be hating everything about you. It is no easy task, because if it were everyone would be doing it; but it's a task worth putting to practice.

Back to the story of that husband and wife...they are now strong examples in their community of what a supportive, loving couple looks like. But please understand they would have never gotten there if not for the patience, understanding, and the love the now wife showed her then boyfriend when he was behaving less than favorably. It's something for all of us to think about.

I'm not suggesting you be a doormat and put up with every bit of silliness and shenanigans that gets thrown your way. But I am saying in those moments when you see potential in that other person...exercise a little patience. Choose love over bitterness and anger. That may be just the bit of encouragement he/she needs to get their act together.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo: www.stockfreeimages.com

Do The Work :: Get The Benefits

Hello, gang. I missed posting this past Tuesday, and I come to you with my head held low begging for your forgiveness. Life has been a roller coaster of actions and emotions over the past few weeks – so perhaps a break was needed. I will do my best not to let it happen again (been saying a lot of that lately).

I'm thanking God for this internet cafe next door to the church I've just left. It's all very timely because I want to talk to you guys about benefits and rewards today. It’s a topic that I think I’ve broached in the past, but I’m feeling the need to dig just a bit deeper on this Friday the 14^th. An extremely wise person said to me a week or two ago, “You can’t expect to receive the benefits without first putting in some work.” He went on to use the analogy of a new employee at a company…

I remember when I first began looking for work, my dad would tell me, “Ask about the benefits. A lot of times an attractive benefits package will make up for a lack in monetary compensation.” So that’s what I did. With each interview I learned to not only appreciate the paycheck they wanted to offer, but I quickly began to understand this whole ‘benefits’ talk that my dad spoke of. And they seemed to come in all shapes and sizes: health coverage with little or no deductible, full vision, full dental, free gym memberships, free travel (sometimes first class), expense account, fuel account, petty cash, free child care, paid school tuition for continuing education, sick days, vacation days, personal days…I mean the list goes on and on. And sometimes these awesome benefits were met with equally awesome salaries. That’s when my inner self would begin to grin that enormous grin and dance with an uncontrollable joy. But – and most of the time there was always a but – there was inevitably always some sort of trial period. A “test run” if you will. The employer’s fine print: “You’re the new kid on the block, and we need to make sure you’re worth investing in. So before we just hand over all these awesome benefits, we need you to clock in ninety days of work first. You give us ninety days :: we give you benefits.”

Well, they never put it quite like that, but that’s what they meant. And this is how it was being broken down to me. Now I’m about to be transparent with ya’ll for a minute. Hold on to your seats.

The lesson I was being given was on the topic of romantic relationships. Let’s recall the statement again: “You can’t expect to receive the benefits without first putting in some work.”

Here’s what you may not know about me (dear God…): I have an unhealthy fear of failure (in every respect). (Here we go.) I have seen nothing but broken, unhealthy relationships growing up. Nothing lasting. Nothing real. I’ve witnessed destruction, dysfunction, betrayal, and abuse and I’ve seen what that does to a person. I’ve seen what it does to the children that are products of such chaos, and I made a vow to myself at the age of twelve, that I would never be that. That I would never do that. I wanted no parts of a broken, failed relationship. No parts of it at all. I sought out role models that were living in happy homes with rich, fulfilling relationships, and I listened at their feet. I took copious notes as I hoped to follow in their footsteps and learn from their mistakes. Did you hear that??? In an effort to sidestep mistakes of my own I hoped to follow the blueprints of others. Did you hear it that time? And the sad part about it is that it still sounds somewhat sane to me. I still see the sense in it.

The quote again: “You can’t expect to receive the benefits without first putting in some work.”

For years I’ve only been focusing on the benefits. The good outcome. The happily ever after. That’s all I cared to learn about. That’s all I wanted to study. Because I knew what chaos and destruction smelled like. I witnessed all that more times than I care to admit – so I never felt the need to study ‘problems.’ I knew ‘problems.’

And I was right. I do know problems. I am very familiar with most of them. I can spot them a mile away. But what I am unfamiliar with is ‘work.’ I’ve never seen ‘work.’ I’ve never witnessed compromise. I can’t even begin to tell you what ‘working through something’ looks like. I have not the first clue. I know how to avoid. I know how to run away. I know how to ignore. But ‘deal with’? Nope – that’s beyond my scope of expertise. And what I’m being taught is that it’s a very necessary part of any partnership. It is virtually impossible for anyone to receive the richest benefits that a relationship has to offer if they’ve not first put in some work. It just won’t happen. And I see that now. My eyes have been opened (thankfully) and I am aware of the work I’ve got to do. I’m talking to myself in this post, but I hope it reaches at least one other person out there. What I’ve learned is that I can’t be so afraid to fail that I’m afraid to try, because at the end of the day you can’t win the race if you’re sitting on the sidelines.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

>> To all the individuals and families affected by the Connecticut school shooting, my deepest and most sincere thoughts and prays are with you on this most tragic day. <<

Photo credit: www.stockfreeimages.com

Watch Me Take Flight

It’s not my quote, but I either read it somewhere this week, or someone shared it with me:  “Challenges in life are just opportunities.”  It may even be one of those fortune cookie proverbs that everyone but me has heard before.  But when I heard it (or read it), I was compelled to write it down and meditate on it for a while because it instantly reminded me of the film EVAN ALMIGHTY.  If you’ve seen it you know that it’s a little – ok, more than a little – cheesy; like they are really doing too much.  I’ll be honest, first time I popped the DVD in, the best things I had to say about it were the DVD extras and behind the scenes stuff.  I digress, but as a film they wanted to practice what they were preaching so they calculated the carbon footprint made during the entire filming process, and planted a tree for each footprint.  Kinda cool…the whole cast rode bikes to set everyday…stuff like that… But the film itself just didn’t move me.  Then for some silly reason earlier this year I had a hankerin’ to rewatch this snoozer of a film.  Made absolutely no sense.  I stood there with the DVD in my hand for what seemed like thirty minutes or more saying, “You’ve already seen this, and it tanked.”  But again, for some silly reason, I popped it in, and snuggled up with my Stewie Griffin doll to watch.  And as if it was a previously deleted scene the next thing that I’m about to share with you might as well had jumped off the screen into my living room, it was so profound.  Here we go… 

If you haven’t seen the movie I won’t be spoiling much of anything, but I’m not gonna’ spend any time giving you a lot of back story.  That’s not the important part.  It’s this conversational exchange that I want you to get.  OK, I lied…this is the only back story you get:  at the start of the movie the wife mentioned below prayed to God that her family grow closer and stronger.  Take a look… (paraphrasing) 

GOD:  You seem a little down.  Are you ok?

WIFE:  You heard of New York’s Noah?  Well, that’s my husband.

GOD:  Oh, wow.

WIFE:  I just don’t know what to do.  He’s hell-bent on building this ark, and I just think it’s crazy.  Gosh…what would you do?

GOD:  Sounds like an opportunity to me.

WIFE:  What?  What do you mean?

GOD:  Well someone prays for courage – God doesn’t instantly bless them with courage.  He gives them an opportunity to be courageous.  Someone prays to God for strength – He doesn’t just shower them with strength; He gives them an opportunity to be strong.  Someone says a prayer asking that their family grow closer – it doesn’t happen with a snap of a finger.  God gives them an opportunity to build closeness. 

B  A  M  !!!!!! 

I lie to you not.  I stopped the DVD, looked around my apartment, and asked stuffed Stewie if he had just heard what I had just heard.  Stewie nodded (with some help from my hand) so I hit rewind and watched that clip seven more times before I let the rest of the film play out.  What.  The.  Deuce?  I’m telling you just as sure as I sit right here and type, I have no doubt that that message was meant for me.  I was at the beginnings of hell breaking itself loose in my life and that bit of on-screen dialogue lifted me up in a major way.  I kept it with me for a long time this year, but when “challenges in life are just opportunities” was presented to me two days ago; I realized I hadn’t thought of my EVAN ALMIGHTY exchange in a while.  I feel like the resurgence of the quote was the universe tapping me on my shoulder saying, “remember this?”  And all of it has so impacted me that I felt compelled to share it with you.  It’s definitely a different mindset than most of us are taught.  Embracing challenges and hardships?  Seeing the hell of it all as an opportunity?  For real, God?  Yep, He’s for real.  But it’s not about a system of belief – get that through your head.  Let me show you why… 

Let’s take it back to learning to ride a bike – or learning any sport for that matter.  You fall off the bike, off the ice skates, tumble over the hurdles on the track time and time again = challenge.  The opportunities you’re being presented with are many. 

Here your chance to:

-- build your discipline

-- increase your focus

-- develop patience

-- build your physical fitness

-- hone your craft 

Disguised as a challenge, these are the opportunities that you’re being given, and you know I’m right.  Apply that same logic and thought process to every other challenge you’re presented with and watch yourself soar.  Move over, ‘cause I’m about to spread my wings right now – don’t want to hit you. 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/