Here's the Name of the Game

Even if you’ve got lint in your pockets, if you have a healthy dose of confidence and buckets of belief in yourself you could buy a small island.  Never mind what the facts say.  Never mind what your friends say.  And I know I’ve been on this soapbox a time or two before, but you’re just gonna have to bear with me as there is a very personal story tied to this posting.  A dear friend of mine, whose name I won’t say, has tested my patience to the last and I can’t stay quiet any longer. 

My friend has been an aspiring writer for fifty years.  That’s more years than I’ve been alive.  For fifty years he’s been telling family and friends that he’s chasing a dream and he’s been lying the whole time.  Sure he’s completed over thirty manuscripts, but he’s never had any intention on doing a thing with any of them.  Paper on top of paper shoved into this closet, that cabinet and the drawer over there.  Ideas for stories doodled on napkins and the backs of envelopes.  Bragging about his great American novel…all of this for fifty years.  I’m certain your first thought is that all his scribblings are garbage; nothing more than one-two-buckle-my-shoe.  Well, you’d be wrong.  And this is where I begin to lose my cool.  He’s a master storyteller that can weave words just as good as the greats, if not better.  He’s got a God-given gift wrapped in talent and skill that most only dream of.  So what gives, right?  He’s got the dream. He’s got the talent.  And he even has the finished products. He’s got FINISHED PRODUCTS.  Products.  With an “s” on the end.  Did you get that?  I can barely finish a short story and he has novels and full-length plays by the dozens…and they’re good.  Now the only question worth asking is, “Why don’t I know this guy’s name?  Why aren’t his books covering the windows of the few remaining bookstores out there?  Why isn’t there a thumbnail of his book cover on Amazon’s home page?”  I’ll tell you why.  Because for fifty years he hasn’t had the confidence to pound the pavement.  For fifty years he hasn’t truly believed he would make it.  For fifty years he’s been afraid to carry on a conversation with anyone that may be able to change his life for the better.  He’s shied away from aggressively pursuing literary representation or contacting publishers for fear of further rejection.  Let me go one more step.  On those few occasions where he did get positive feedback from someone that was in a position to help him, he ran away.  He gathered his papers and took the first flight back home.  Now I never really thought there was a such thing as having a fear of success until I met him.  And even though I see it right before my eyes, it’s a concept that I still don’t understand.  How can you want something so dog’on bad and not want it at the same time.  Hope and pray every night for this very thing, yet push it away with every bit of strength you’ve got.  Not only how do you do it, but why?  And that’s a why only he can answer, but I hate sitting on the sidelines watching my friend pretend to take two steps forward when in fact he’s gone nowhere.  I hate it.  And even more so I hate that I believe in him more than he believes in himself.  I hate that he’s too afraid to go out in the world and claim what’s rightfully his.  That he prefers the safety of his home.  That he’s ok with smiling to his friends and family as he talks about the pretend strides he’s making.  The fake progress.  The phony advances.  I hate that he will sacrifice and give his last for me, but he won’t do it for himself.

I don’t know if this is making sense to anyone other than me, but what I want to impress upon anyone with a dream and a shred of intellect is:  YOU CAN GET THERE, but it’s gonna mean you’ve got to take some steps.  I don’t know of a thing that we want that comes to us.  We have to go out and get it and we can’t be afraid of getting a few bumps, bruises, and scrapes along the way.  Do you think the winner of a boxing match comes out untouched?  It’s possible.  Maybe Iron Mike in his heyday, but that’s about it.  Even the winners look like hell by the end of it all – but they won!  They won and it made all the nicks and scratches worth it.  Battle wounds don’t hurt half as bad if you’re holding the trophy at the end of the war.  So as you’re looking at the road ahead that I’m sure looks spooky and ugly as hell – don’t focus on the valleys and peaks on the trail, focus on the end point, the destination.  Who gives a rip what you have to go through to get there?  You just have to get there.  And if you don’t have enough confidence and belief in yourself that you can make it, I assure you you won’t.  Stay home and don’t waste your time.  Take a nap.  Rest up for the lifetime of fake accomplishments you’re about to have.  But if you don’t want that to be your end result it doesn’t have to be.  And I know for sure I’ve said that before and I mean it with every fiber of my being.  You have the power to change you at any time.  Most people never will, but it’s very possible.  You just have to dig down deep inside and figure out who you really are, what you really want, and what’s really important to you at the end of the day.  I’m doing a lot of talking here, but this is important stuff.  YOU. HAVE. TO. BELIEVE. IN. YOU.  You have to.  And if you couple that belief with even a slice of confidence you will soar.  You will literally grow wings and take flight – ok, maybe not literally, but you get my meaning.  Listen.  I love to see my friends succeed and I want them all to do well and achieve the goals they set for themselves.  Seeing their accomplishment builds my belief and fuels my excitement.  So I need their success just as much as I need my own.  And whether you’ve been chasing your dream for five years or for fifty years it’s all the same.  Your destiny can change in a second but it all starts with you.  Do you want to run a marathon, start a family, go to law school, buy your dream house, be a cartoonist, invent a new iPhone app, win a Grammy, cure a disease, start your own business, help the less fortunate, win an Academy Award, or write the next great American novel?  Whatever it is that you want you can have it.  It’s all possible and it’s all within reach.  You just have to confidently say, “I believe.”  Then you have to take your first step and vow to yourself that you’ll take your second step the following day.  The name of this game is, “don’t stop.”  That’s how you’re gonna make it to the end.  Don’t stop.  Listen.  I believe in you, but it doesn’t amount to a hill of beans if you don’t believe in you.  If you’re ready we can take the first step together.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo credit:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/651686/Game-cube.html 

It's a Crown I No Longer Want

I was once Queen of Having the Last Word.  If I didn’t agree with your stance, or I felt like you were being an idiot, or I felt like you wronged me, I wanted to make sure you knew exactly how I felt.  And I came to the argument prepared with spreadsheets and examples to back up my claims.  It was almost like I was just waiting for the opportunity to shove my resources in your face.  My charts, my graphs, my ear-marked calendar noting each prior malfeasance.  I was over-prepared and you never stood a chance.  I came to the battlefield ready to do harm, and I wasn’t leaving until my mission was accomplished.  No matter what you said or pled I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t stop until I’d reduced you to nothing; and so it was.  The discussion wasn’t over until I’d had the last word. 

Yeah, that was me.  The best attorney had nothing on me.  I could argue anyone under the table and I had more exhibits than The Met.  And I left the whole thing feeling like I was on top of the world.  Oh my gosh – the rush!  It was amazing.  Then somewhere along the way it all changed for me.  Can’t really remember the sequence of events, but something changed and I stopped caring.  I realized I’d given you way too much power.  Look at what I’d become.  A collector of exhibits.  Holding on to them all until just the right time.  Until I’d gather enough Intel to cut you off at the knees.

Good Lord!  Think of the time I wasted trying to make you look incompetent?  All the productive things that I wasn’t getting done because I was too busy tracking your dirty deeds.  I realized that even though you didn’t know it, you were in control.  So without saying a word, I took it back and promised that I’d never let another human being drive me to that point ever again.

So how do I handle it today?  I don’t.  I let you have the last word and I walk away.  No need for me to hang around for final summations, ‘cause I really don’t care that much.  I realized how valuable my time and a clear mind are.  Give you space in my head?  Not anymore.  Never.  Be my guest…the last word is all yours.  You can have it.  I want nothing to do with it.  Good luck doing battle with yourself.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo credit:  http://www.crowndesigners.com/en/images/uploads/K-132-S-A.jpg 

How Many Bottles Will You Need?

No ranting today.  No putting anyone in their place.  No preaching.  No long speech have I prepared.  Today’s message is simple…live.  Your life is too precious to waste.  Your time is too valuable to squander.  So live.  Be…do…dream…and conquer.  Simply because you can.  You are not weak.  You are not helpless.  You are not without resources.  You are worthy, you are creative, and you are skillful.  Bottle your inner strength, courage and might and put them to good use.  Because you can.

Today can be the beginning of something beautiful if you want it to be; so LIVE.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo credit:  http://www.scenicreflections.com/files/Rainbow_Bottles_Wallpaper_uplj9.jpg 

That Jacket's Not Cute

It was on my mind again last night:  structure vs. chaos…spring cleaning… getting rid of stuff…fresh start…clean slate…new beginnings… I guess I’m talking about shedding, perhaps in every sense of the word.  Getting rid of unnecessary junk in your life.  Clearing the cobwebs out of your mental space.  Dropping the mask.  Shelving the costume and being brave enough to step out without the façade.  Most people will go through life never having done this.  Most go from day to day being who they believe the world wants them to be – needs them to be.  Most are deathly afraid of showing their true colors and letting the real them shine through.  They’ll spend their entire lives saying things like, “You don’t know me!” and “You have no idea who I am!”  And, in most cases, they will be absolutely right.  We, in fact, don’t know them as they’ve not allowed us that opportunity. 

 

This is a topic that I’ve touched on before, so my apologies if I’ve already lost you, but it’s a subject that I feel is super important.  I mean, ultimately it comes down to quality of life.  Some people are enjoying every corner of their lives taking in the full spectrum of possibilities that the world presents them while others only experience a fraction of that.  No, I’m not talking about living in deep depression (although that can happen); I’m talking about living like an animal housed at the zoo as opposed to one that’s running in the wild.  Both animals eat, sleep, and play, but the zoo-kept one is limited.  It can only run so far and get so rowdy before being stopped by someone or something.  The animal running in the wild is 100% free to do and be as it pleases.  Now in this example the zoo environment isn’t self-imposed, but the real-life constraints we put on ourselves are.  And why?  Because of our need to fit in?  Because of our insecurities?  Either way it comes down to fear.  For whatever reason, life, circumstances or another person has made you afraid to unleash and be your true self.  So there you live, bound and held back by the straitjacket that you willing dress yourself with every day.  You’d like to dance, but you can’t.  You want to clap, but you can’t.  And though you’d give anything to stretch your arms and soar, you won’t let you.  The fear of what others will think won’t let you.  Pleasing your parents won’t let you.  Being who your friends expect you to be won’t let you.  And so many will take their place in their caskets still wearing their restraints.  How unfortunate.  So many possibilities of what could have been went untouched because they wouldn’t free their arms to reach that far. 

But that doesn’t have to be your fate.  It needn’t be your destiny.  At any moment you have the power to decide to be your authentic self.  Admittedly, it’s not always the easiest decision to make because we live in our heads and our minds may try to play tricks on us.  The second we’re lying in bed smiling about the new path we’re gonna’ take, the thoughts begin to whisper in our minds…

“What will my parents think?”

“My girlfriend/boyfriend is gonna’ think I’m crazy.”

“What if my friends want nothing to do with me?”

“There’s a chance my husband/wife will leave me.”

“Have I lost my mind?”

And so often these thoughts are just enough to make sure we reach for that binding jacket yet another day.  And then you really start to feel stuck.  You’ve got your right mind but for all the cookies in the world you can’t seem to fix this.  Well here’s my two cents.  Sometimes it takes the help of a physical act to get you where you need to go – which takes me back to the beginning of this post:  shedding.  Sometimes we have to physically change our surroundings to free ourselves.  Literally getting rid of any and everything that is in any way connected to holding us back – dump it.  Sometimes this shedding may involve a physical relocation.  Sometimes a job change.  Sometimes a dietary change.  It’s different for everyone and only you know what it’s gonna’ take for you because only you know who and/or what is truly holding you back.  You’ve heard it before… “Such-and-such moved and changed on us.”  “So-and-so hasn’t been the same since getting that new job.”  Now, granted, sometimes people do *change* but most of the time they are simply revealing the authentic them.  For whatever reason their new environment has given them the strength, courage and bravery to drop their mask, and it’s a beautiful thing.  Living mask-free IS such a beautiful thing, and it would be an awful shame if you never allowed yourself that opportunity.  Give it some prayer and thought to find out what you need to shed then take the necessary steps to see it through.  It’s time to get rid of the straitjacket because your life is waiting for you.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.  

photo credit:  http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs22/f/2009/239/3/d/Arkham_Asylum_Straitjacket_by_theprincessbee.jpg