What Do You Want?

Relationships of all kinds deteriorate because of unmet expectations.  Parent :: Child.  Teacher :: Student.  Husband :: Wife.  Even the best of friendships have come under fire due to unmet expectations, and it’s unfortunate, because these are problems that could have been averted had the lines of communication been wide open between the individuals in question.  Let me tell you what I mean…

For anyone that has ever taken a college course you know that on day one of that class the professor hands out a syllabus.  That syllabus is your roadmap to success because it lines out the assignments for the entire semester, fills you in on the instructor’s attendance policy and it tells you how each assignment is weighted.  You’re in!!  Home free!!!  If I want to get in “A” in this class, THIS is what I’ve got to do.  If I’m aiming from a “B” in this course, THIS is what it’s gonna’ take.  It’s all there.  Right there in black and white.  No guess work, no having to decipher clues, no lines to read between.  The instructor has been kind enough to give you a hard copy of their very detailed expectations – now it’s up to you whether you choose to follow them or not.  THAT’S what you have to decide, but you can never say, “I didn’t know!” or “No one told me!”  Those two dollar excuses won’t work here, because you and the fifty to a hundred students all received the same roadmap…the same course guide…the same list of expectations.  The “A” students used that roadmap like a Bible and the “D” students probably misplaced it after the first class.

But what if everyone could be that college professor?  How much easier would life be if everyone was kind enough to outline their expectations of us from the get-go?  The interesting thing is, as parents, you’re very good as laying out the expectations: 

-- I expect you to make your bed every morning.

-- I expect you to take out the trash twice a week.

-- I expect you to clean your bathroom once a week.

Parents seem to be very clear with their expectations and they’re not shy about sharing them with their children because it just makes sense.  You can’t punish a child for not making the bed if you’ve never told them that’s a chore they’re expected to complete.  DUH?? 

But why is it that outside of parenting most people don’t use that same logic?  Folks are walking around praying that someone is reading their mind.  NEWSFLASH:  it’s not happening!!!  People have way too much going on to spend extra time wondering what you may or may not want…what you may or may not like.  It’s just not happening.  So why not save yourselves some heartache and be upfront?  Be that college professor and clearly explain your expectations to others.  Doing so doesn’t make you evil, it makes you honest and upfront, and it means you have a much better chance of getting what you want because…well because now they know what to give you.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Turn Every Obstacle Into an Opportunity

You know it. I know it. The person sitting across the room from you knows it. No one is perfect. We ALL make mistakes. We ALL screw up. We ALL fall short of the goals we set for ourselves. All of us. Every single one of us. No one is exempt. We all think that we should be further than we are in life, and we're all judging ourselves against our own personal rulers. What sets the greats apart from the mediocres is how the greats handle set-backs and disappointment. In those pivotal moments what do they do differently?

We were all put on this earth for a very specific purpose. Sounds hokey, but it's true. Each of us has a definite job that we're meant to carry out and see to completion. But those tasks don't come without their hurdles, and whether we know it – whether we like it or not – dealing with the hurdles is part of our job as well. A sailor can only learn so much by sailing in calm waters. There's only so much growth to be had. It's not until he is faced with a storm and a tumultuous wave or two that he really gets to see what he's made of, and he really begins to understand how to navigate his vessel.

We are no different. I guarantee you the best sailors alive have steered their way through hell and back and have lived to tell about it. The best chefs can create magic out of the most basic ingredients. The best painters don't need a canvas. They can make art anywhere. If you've only been living in the land of Best Case Scenario, you're learning nothing and you're not growing. And if you aspire to be the best and excel in life you had better be praying that you're hit with a storm or two (or three), because THAT'S where the learning and growth take place. You will never reach the highest heights without having jumped some hurdles. It's just not possible. You pick anyone that you look up to in any field or industry and I guarantee you they have a story to tell. They didn't get where they are by mistake. And even if it was mommy and daddy's money that helped them get their foot in the door those doors quickly closed if they didn't posses the elbow grease to maneuver trying times. It's the trying times that make the man, not the sunny days. Remember that.

So I would tell you to embrace the trial because it's being presented to you as an opportunity to make you a better you. What was that show?... The guy that could fix his way out of a bind with a toothpick and a stick of gum? MacGyver! I don't remember much about the show, but I do remember people loving to see what he was gonna jimmy up next. And I think we all have to be the MacGyver of our own lives. We all need to get to the place where no matter how ugly the situation is, no matter how few resources we have we're able to make it work (as Tim Gunn would say). Just remember, every obstacle presents an opportunity. The question is: what will you do with the opportunities that you are given?

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Know What You Deserve

I’m staring at a movie quote that has been haunting me for days now.  It reads, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”  It comes from THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER, which hasn’t come out yet, but they definitely have my attention.  One more time:  “We accept the love we think we deserve.”  Holy smokes!  Isn’t that just…just…just the truth?  “We accept the love we think we deserve.”  So when you see the woman getting the life beat out of her by her lover/mate/spouse, and you wonder why she doesn’t leave, this is why.  When you see the guy getting dogged out by his girl and you can’t seem to figure why he puts up with it – this is why.  They don’t see themselves as being worthy of much more.  They have such a low opinion of themselves that they believe it’s either put up with the nonsense or be alone.  They, for whatever the reasons may be, don’t think a decent man/woman would give them the time of day, so they settle.  The put up with the crap and they believe the lie.  And sometimes they believe the lie until they become it.  Truly a sad state of affairs. 

Knowing your worth dictates all your actions so it’s necessary for each of us to spend some time with ourselves re-learning and re-understanding who we are, what we are, and why we’re great.  WE have to know those things inside and out because they will get tested on a daily basis, and if we aren’t rock solid on the answers we’ll quickly end up with people that we’ve got no business.  With people that aren’t deserving of our time, our love, and our commitment.  If we’re going to be loyal to someone, why not to a person that is our equal?  Someone that feeds and nurtures our soul?  Someone that sees the precious metal in us and treats us accordingly?  Why not exercise patience waiting for a bit and make the decision to be loyal to that person?  Giving your heart, love and commitment to the others will only make you bitter.  You become callused, cold and empty inside, and you end up blaming it on the other person when it’s not their fault.  You have to look in the mirror and take the blame for giving them the time of day.  For letting them take up residence in your heart.  For allowing them to stay long after they’d worn out their welcome.  That’s your fault, and as difficult as it may be, you’ve got to face that fact and take that blame.  But don’t take it without learning something.  That would be a waste of time.  Recognize where you went wrong and then try to figure out why.  Why did you allow yourself to settle?  Why did you give this person the go-ahead to rip your self esteem to shreds?  Why?  Take as much time as you need to figure that out because only then will you be ready for what you truly deserve which isn’t a perfect person, but someone that is perfect for you.  They will elevate you, adore you, honor you, but above all – they will respect you.  Remember:

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” 

Why not think you deserve the best?  Why not KNOW you deserve the best?  Seriously, why not?

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Are You In Position?

People are often eager to upgrade their vehicle, their wardrobe, or even their hairstyle.  Folks get excited just thinking about the change(s) they are about to make and they can’t wait to step out to show the world their new choice(s).  I’d love to make a suggestion.  Operating with the same gusto you’d have about upgrading your TV from a 20” to a 75” flat screen why not upgrade your associates?  Have you any idea the impact that would have on your life?  And I hate to feel like I’ve got to disclaim everything, but I do.  This is not meant to put anyone down, and it’s not meant to sound elitist.  BUT if you’re looking to learn how to fish you must learn from a fisher.  Want to learn how to ride a motorcycle?  You’re gonna have to learn from a skilled cyclist.  Interested in taking up a musical instrument?  I guarantee you’ll be seeking the advice of a musician.  It seems so simple – so first grade.  But why is it we’ll spend hours on end in our daily lives with people that can’t teach us a thing?  If you’re interested in being a successful business person, you’d better try to apprentice with someone that has a proven track record.  The same goes for any industry or field.  Once the student has outgrown the teacher, it’s time to get a new instructor.  He/she can’t teach you any more than they themselves know. 

Now here’s where it gets fun.  Sometimes YOU’RE meant to be the teacher, and this is where discernment comes in.  There will be times when students will gravitate to you for advice, learning and instruction and you have to be smart enough not to throw them away.  So many intangible gifts come from mentoring others.  And it’s often in having these relationships that we end up learning more about ourselves.  BUT – and it’s a big but – you cannot spend your time helping someone that is unwilling to help themselves.  You need not waste your time with those individuals that are going nowhere and aren’t interested in even looking at the map.  There’s no need.  You have too much to do; too much to accomplish; too much to learn.  And you shouldn’t feel bad about it.  Do you.  Seek out those mentors that you can truly learn from and soak up every bit of knowledge they’re willing to toss your way.  For everyone else you’re senselessly filling your time with?  It’s time for an upgrade.  Inform them.  Don’t inform them – that’s up to you.  My only suggestion would be to get it done with the quickness.  You’ve already wasted enough time with them.  Look ahead at the horizon and visualize the effect this change will have on your future and get excited, cause it’s gonna add way more value to your life than that silly flat screen.  In the very near future just about everyone will own one of those things, but not everyone will have taken the necessary steps to position themselves for excellence.  Take charge and do it for you.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

See For Yourself

Ever been on the receiving end of a compliment from a friend or stranger? Anyone ever say to you:

“That's a great color on you!”

“Your hair looks great!”

“Nice shirt!”

“You look great in that dress!”

“I love your purse!”

“I like our shoes!”

Has any one of those phrases ever been directed towards you? //insert your positive affirmation here\\ Of course they have! And I'm certain on more than one occasion. Do you remember how the compliment made you feel? Did you kinda' perk up a bit? Straighten your spine a little? Inject a little pep in your step all of a sudden? Did you smile right away or try to play it cool like you get that compliment all the time? Bottom line: I don't care how you reacted, but it made you feel good. They just slapped you with an extra dose of confidence. And no matter how bad or rotten your day was going – it instantly got better. Wow...the power of a compliment. It's kind of amazing really.

I was talking to a friend last evening about this very topic, but I flipped the script a bit. Yes, we all love to be on the receiving end, but what about being on the giving end? What about being that person that makes a deliberate effort to give at least one stranger/friend a compliment every day? What's the point in that, Jaz? You're kidding, right? Remember how wonderful you felt when you got your compliment? Why not be that ray of sunshine for someone else? Even if you live in a small city or town you come in contact with people everyday. And most of the time we have no idea what any of these people are dealing with in their personal lives. And even if we have an inkling, we probably don't know the true gravity of it all and the toll it's taking. One simple, genuine compliment can make all the difference. Trust me. Affairs are started and marriages are ended because a spouse was receiving compliments from someone other than the person he/she was married to.

Compliments make you feel noticed, appreciated, and worthy. Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment,” and I guarantee you he wasn't kidding. They're phrases of magic...of power...and when they are truly genuine and well-placed, they can affect change. A compliment? Yes. A compliment.

So I ask, why not be that for someone else? I'm a firm believer that you reap what you sew, if you're in need of some goodness and generosity (and we all are) then start by giving some away – on a daily basis. And come on, people – it doesn't cost you a thing. Totally free. All you have to do is be thoughtful, be honest, and share it with someone. You're already thinking it: I love her haircut... I like that bag he's got... Those are some dope shoes... She is wearin' the heck outta that dress... And if you're thinking it, share it and watch what happens in return. I won't even tell you. I'm gonna let you see for yourself.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Live It Your Way

This is gonna be a short one today, guys.  I’m on my way out the door and I’m already running late, but I don’t think I’ll have time to write this evening, so here goes…

To any newcomers to this blog, at the beginning of the year I told myself that I’d accomplish one new thing each month.  Just one thing.  One thing that I could be proud of so that as of December 31, 2012 I will be able to look back at the twelve amazing things I got done this year.  And trust me, twelve isn’t much – but it’s a start, and given the challenging year I’m having I will happily take twelve over nothing; which I think is my point.  I’ve never believed that good things come to those that wait.  That’s poppycock.  Good things come to those that work.  Plain and simple. 

So if you care to know, this is where my work in 2012 has gotten me…

JANUARY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES successfully completed another run by participating in Whitefire Theatre’s Solofest 2012.

FEBRUARY

I participated in another installment of URBAN LEGENDS, a poetry showcase held several times a year in Hollywood, CA.

I co-directed the short play THE BLACK HISTORY OF POLITICS written by Justin Key.

MARCH

I was a featured guest on the Rare Woman show, and the interview can be heard here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-031612.mp3

APRIL

I worked at this year’s Milk and Bookies (http://www.milkandbookies.org/), which is a celebrity charity event that focuses on literacy and giving books to children that don’t have access to books of their own.  It was a wildly fun event and I was part of a host of character actors brought in to entertain the kids in attendance.  The character I played?  The White Rabbit from Alice In Wonderland, and yes – Alice was there with me.  We had a blast.

In addition, I had the great fortune of being the guest on the Rare Woman radio show again last Friday.  Feel free to listen here:  http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-042712.mp3.

MAY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES had a successful run of a show sponsored by the Rare Woman organization on May 12, 2012.

I was the guest speaker at A Celebration of Strong Women presented by The Dream Catcher’s Foundation on May 31, 2012.

JUNE

I worked as Associate Producer on CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE, an indie short written and directed by Nicolle Whalen.  It’s a comedic film taking a look at how far one will go to secure funds for a film.  In addition it gives perspective on the homeless living in Los Angeles.  I had a small cameo in the film as well.

JULY

I have created my very first poetry CD.  The title is STILL STANDING and it’s a compilation of some of my most intimate pieces, really letting you into the life and mind of the person that is Jasmynne Shaye.  My poems are laid to original music by Jasonic Audio.  I’m calling it the soundtrack of my life.  Interested in owning your own copy?  Email Noelle Ryan for info:  soft_noelle@yahoo.com

Two more seconds…if you’re reading this and you feel like I’m bragging (1) you’ve missed the point and (2) you’re carrying guilt because you know you’re not getting the job done in your own life.  My point is not to be braggadocios – not in the least.  I put this charge on myself, and I’ve chosen to report my progress in this open forum so that I remain accountable.  That’s what I’m doing.  In addition I want to set the example that all you have to do is make a decision.  Every good deed (and every bad one) begins with a decision.  YOU decide where you want your life to go.  YOU decide what you want to accomplish.  Don’t allow others to make those decisions for you.  The air that you breathe into your lungs sustains YOUR life – no one else’s.  Live it and live it your way. 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Still Standing

'Tis a happy day, indeed. It's official! It's done and it's in the bag. I have just recorded my very first poetry CD! (this is the part where you applaud or offer some sort of congratulatory remark)

The title of the CD is “Still Standing,” and it contains ten of my original poems set to music composed/written/produced by Jasonic Audio. With the intro and outro it's a total of twelve tracks that welcome you into my life and give you a clearer picture of where I came from. This collection contains some of the most personal pieces that I've ever written, and it's taken me a while to get the guts to put myself on display like this. But I'm ready, and it's time. In order to heal some of my deepest wounds I've got to stop hiding and I have to begin revealing. I can't deal with the ugly if I'm afraid or ashamed to talk about it. So for what it's worth, I'm letting you in, and I'm bearing my soul.

Individual tracks will soon be available via iTunes, and the complete disk is available for purchase for $13.00 USD.

This is a project that I've wanted to do for some time but I kept running into one hurdle after another. Thankfully I didn't give up, because what I've got is a body of work and a product that I am thoroughly proud of. And I'd be a fool to not shout out Jasonic Audio. He has lent his original sounds to create something that I never would have been able to do on my own. I am completely grateful to him and his artistry.

And to anyone reading this blog...if you or someone you know needs a little pick-me-up, “Still Standing” will do the trick – believe me or don't believe me, get the disk and see for yourself.

“Still Standing”

original poems by Jasmynne Shaye

produced by Jasonic Audio

$13.00 USD

paypal: softplay.staff@yahoo.com

or call for more info: 323.347.8554

email: soft_noelle@yahoo.com

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.