A Slicker, Umbrella & All-Weather Boots

Tony! Toni! Tone! wasn’t quite right.  It may not happen often, but it does indeed rain in southern California.  And rain here is the equivalent of snow in the southeast.  No one is prepared for it, and not a soul seems to be able to safely and successfully navigate a vehicle in it.  We had a few sprinkles yesterday, and it got me to thinking about preparedness.  Being ready.  Having a back up plan.  Hell, having a plan at all. 

 

Have you ever met those people that say, “Man, I used to drive a Benz” (fill in the blank with the high end vehicle of your choosing).  Or the ones that brag about all the money they used to make at fill-in-the-blank job.  Their faces light up with excitement as they reflect on the days of yesteryear when their bank accounts were fat and they had it going on.  But you look at them now and often times they are worse off than they were before they got blinged out.  Why?  How does that happen?  How is it that you can work a job for six months, a year or even longer and make a steady, very generous income, and the second the job is over you don't have a pot to piss in?  How the blankety-blank does that happen?  I’ll tell you how.  You actually believed Tony! Toni! Tone!  You bought their lie hook, line and sinker.  They sent you a bag of tricks that you gladly signed for, and you never thought to plan for a rainy day.  Well shame on you.  Someone once told me that if you make $200 learn to live off $100 and stash the rest.  That same mentor also shared these nuggets with me:

 

1.  Always live beneath your means.

2.  Don’t buy a vehicle that you can’t pay cash for.

3.  Never purchase the newest technology the second it comes out – the prices will always go down.

4.  Sit on all major purchases.  When you want something, write it down, and wait 3-6 months.  If you’ve been able to manage without it, chances are you don’t need it.  If it’s something that you still want after your ‘waiting period,’ set goals and make yourself earn it.

5.  Establish a monthly savings goal and stick to it NO MATTER WHAT even if it means going without something else.  Pay yourself first. 

 

All I’m saying is no matter who you are; no matter where you live, rain is always on the way.  There will always be a rainy day (or two or three).  So if you know and understand that to be a fact, why not always have an umbrella with you?  Of course we don’t know when it’s coming, but we can at least be prepared.  Stop behaving so foolishly spending every single nickel the second you get it.  And stop bragging about the shiny toys you USED to own, because no one really cares (just being honest).  Invest in an umbrella now so that you’re prepared for the next rainy day.  It may not be because of anything you yourself did, but there will come a day when you’ll have to put away your flip flops and don those all-weather boots in the back of your closet.  Why not prepare yourself now?

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Force It

Sometimes right in the middle of chaos, mass hysteria and confusion you just have to DO.  Do something that makes no sense.  Do something that you wouldn’t ordinarily do if the oceans were calm and you were thinking straight.  Do something that you would never do without complete and thorough planning.  Sometimes you just gotta DO.

“If you build it, they will come.”

“If you take a step, the ground will appear.”

Neither are phrases that I’ve coined, but I’m sure you’ve heard them (or something similar) before.  And what’s all the talk about?  Doing.  The talk is about doing.  The talk is about making something – no – FORCING something to happen.  Using your own power, your own might, your own creativity, your own sweat and your own drive to shake things up and literally force something to happen.  Aren’t you sick of waiting for “the right time”?  Aren’t you tired of “getting ready”?  Haven’t you had enough of watching others conquer their fears and accomplish their goals?  With every step they take they get one inch closer to realizing their dreams?  You’ve got to be sick of that by now.

Reality TV sucks.  We all know by now that there’s nothing “real” about it.  It’s cheap in every sense of the word; TV’s version of Doritos, if you will.  Taste one and you want them all.  Have them all and suffer the guilt later.  But I’ll speak up for a few shows out there that are giving everyday people the opportunity to achieve their dreams.  I get inspired when I see a seventeen year old dancer on So You Think You Can Dance dancing with perfect technique and all the passion in the world.  Or when I see a twenty-three year old designer on Project Runway that could go head-to-head with Zac Posen.  That’s inspiring to me!  How could it not be!?!  Then I get to scratching my head and asking myself how they’ve managed to get so far so quickly.  How are they so young and so talented that they are now able to showcase their skill on such a major platform?  Why am I not there?  What have they done differently?  And the answer I got was a simple one.  They DID, and they never stopped doing.  When life got crazy; they did.  When the shit hit the fan; they did.  When they were uncertain of their next move; they did.  That’s why they are where they are.  That’s how they got there.  They got there by doing.

So of course it’s caused me to do a gut-check, and it’s made me reevaluate how I spend my time.  I’ve said it once, but it’s worth saying again.  There’s only twenty-four hours in a day.  How are you spending yours?

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Pocket Full of Gems

I want to take a moment to give my true blue buddies a shout out.  Man – I love you guys!  You are so incredibly awesome, and I thank God that our paths crossed.  Anyone should count themselves lucky when you find a friend that you can trust and confide in.  And you’ve really got a gem if you’ve got one that has your back no matter what.  One that roots for you and is genuinely happy when you succeed.  That’s rare.  Even the closest BFFs harbor a little envy every now and then.  But when you stumble across those rare ones...whew!  There’s nothing like it!  And nobody has to tap you on your shoulder to make you aware of what you’ve got.  You know it immediately.  People such as these are so uncommon that you’re almost blown away when you meet them.  True treasures.  Treasures put on this earth to help us out as we journey life’s rocky terrain and put here to be shining examples of human nature.  Uh!  If you’re blessed enough to have just a few of these in your close circle, you don’t need to crowd your speed dial with the other ones.  The ones that are only concerned with what you can do for them.  The ones that take, take, take.  The ones that continually cry on your shoulder yet they never have the time to wipe your watery eyes.  The ones flock to you when you achieve success but were nowhere to be found during your struggle.  Why even waste the space on your SIM card with their contact information?  Why bother? 

So today I’m stretching my arms out to those that have been nothing but supportive over the years.  I moved to Los Angeles in 2005, and feel so fortunate that these gems came into my life.  They have offered me words of wisdom.  They have listened to my tears.  They have cheered me on, and they have shared in my successes.  I am so grateful.

One of my gems has just been given an opportunity to work abroad for six months or longer.  He’ll be entertaining in a foreign country, soaking up a new culture, meeting new friends, making new contacts, and I couldn’t be happier for him.  I am ecstatic, and I know he’d feel the same for me if the tables were turned.

So that’s where I am today.  I’m saturated in feelings of gratitude not only because I love my friends, but because I’ve got more than one or two of these special people in my life.  They make me feel like I can do anything.  Like the sky is my only limit.  A single conversation with anyone of them and I’m ready to conquer the world, and isn’t that what friendship is supposed to be about?  Enough of the backstabbing and the belittling.  Enough.  So I’m wearing a huge smile on my face today because I’ve got a pocket full of gems that no amount of money could buy.  I’m rich.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

I’m Crawling In

During an interview Monica once said that she was too young to know what she was singing about on “Just One of Them Days.”  Well I’m a bit past twelve and I can just about swear she made that song for me.  That one line:  “It’s just one of them days / When I gotta be all alone.”  Hmph!  She’s about to make me go to church with that one line!  Can I get a witness?  Does anyone feel me?  No disrespect to family, no disrespect to friends, no disrespect to my coworkers. None meant to anyone, but sometimes you just want to be left the hell alone.  My Lord.  If for no other reason than to sort yourself.  Sometimes I can’t bring my troubles to you until I make sense of them for myself.  Sometimes I need to let off some steam prior to speaking to you so that I can talk to you like I have some sense.  Whew!  Sometimes I need to retreat to solitude for the sake of our relationship.  If I were to open my lips to speak to you right now you might not like what I have to say, and there’s a good chance I’ll regret a good deal of it.  There’s even a chance I won’t.  Sometimes I get ghost because I’m protecting you.  Because I love you.  Because I care enough about us and our relationship not to go there.  Solitude.  Meditation.  Prayer.  Privacy.  All of that.  I need all of it, and you shouldn’t feel threatened by it.  To all my nears and dears listen when I say this, “I haven’t disappeared because I want nothing to do with you.  I’m taking a siesta for ME.  For my mental health and my own well being.  It’s something that I’m doing for myself.”

Boy I could go on forever on this topic.  But I’ve learned that no one likes reading blog-novels so I won’t.  Just know this.  Whether it’s solitude or a bike ride, or a jog, or music, or a bowl of ice cream;  you have to know what it takes to reset your battery.  When you feel yourself getting stretched too thin; getting pulled in too many directions – you have to know what it takes to get you back to that happy, balanced place.  And no matter what it is (as long as it doesn’t bring harm to you or another), you’ve got to be confident enough to call on your bag of tricks at a moment’s notice.  Don’t be afraid.  Your mental well being is worth it.  Absolutely.  The worst thing that can happen is for you to straight snap on a friend or loved one.  That’s good for no one, and the only reason why those things happen is because we’re not taking care of ourselves.  So again I say, “Do you.”  I’m about to find a hole to crawl into for a little while.  All I ask is that you mind the D-N-D sign that’ll be hanging outside.  I won’t be away for long, I promise.  And when I emerge I’ll do so with a smile on my face and some much needed pep in my step.  Oooo!  I can’t wait!  OK – catch you on the other side.  Peace out!

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

It’s All Gravy

So I’ve made it.  WE made it!  Here we sit at the half-way mark of 2012 with six months of the year officially behind us!  I don’t know about you, but this has been one of the toughest years I’ve ever experienced.  All hell broke loose for me in December and that hell barged its way right into my new year wreaking all kinds of havoc; ripping me to shreds bit by bit until the self of me that was left standing was completely unrecognizable and quite honestly barely standing at all. 

Well it’s taken much more time than I had liked, but I’m finally feeling like me again.  Finally feeling like I’ve choked the life out of the hell that’s been haunting me for the past six months, and now I’m ready to do some real damage in this second half of the year.  Interestingly enough, even with all of my misfortune, all of my let-downs, all of my blunders, failures, and disappointments, I’ve still somehow managed to uphold my contract to you and accomplish one new thing each month.  Here’s my year so far…

JANUARY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES successfully completed another run by participating in Whitefire Theatre’s Solofest 2012.

FEBRUARY

I participated in another installment of URBAN LEGENDS, a poetry showcase held several times a year in Hollywood, CA.

I co-directed the short play THE BLACK HISTORY OF POLITICS written by Justin Key.

MARCH

I was a featured guest on the Rare Woman show, and the interview can be heard here: http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-031612.mp3

APRIL

I worked at this year’s Milk and Bookies (http://www.milkandbookies.org/), which is a celebrity charity event that focuses on literacy and giving books to children that don’t have access to books of their own.  It was a wildly fun event and I was part of a host of character actors brought in to entertain the kids in attendance.  The character I played?  The White Rabbit from Alice Iin Wonderland, and yes – Alice was there with me.  We had a blast.

In addition, I had the great fortune of being the guest on the Rare Woman radio show again last Friday.  Feel free to listen here:  http://gvbradio.com/archives/rarewoman-042712.mp3.

MAY

STEPPING ON A FEW TOES had a successful run of a show sponsored by the Rare Woman organization on May 12, 2012.

I was the guest speaker at A Celebration of Strong Women presented by The Dream Catcher’s Foundation on May 31, 2012.

JUNE

I worked as Associate Producer on CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE, an indie short written and directed by Nicolle Whalen.  It’s a comedic film taking a look at how far one will go to secure funds for a film.  In addition it gives perspective on the homeless living in Los Angeles.  I had a small cameo in the film as well.

So I’m gonna’ leave it there today.  Not gonna’ talk your ear off.  One half is behind us and we’ve got six months to go.  Still time to salvage the year and make a major dent in 2012.  If you’ve fallen off track now is the time to dust yourself off, remember your purpose, visualize the goal and take the first step.  That’s typically the hardest one, but everything’s all gravy after that.  You like gravy don’t ya?  (Yes, I’m from North Carolina.  #dontjudgeme)

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

photo credit:  http://www.simplyrecipes.com/photos/gravy-web.jpg  

Draw a Line in the Sand

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.  Those are two things for which I am certain.  I know for a fact that I am my worst critic.  I had a realization last year when I was speaking with a friend.  These words came out of my mouth:

“I can’t live up to my own standards, how can I expect someone else to?”

OUCH!  The second I said it, I couldn’t believe it was me doing the talking.  It’s one thing to feel something and it’s another to give that feeling words – words that form a sentence so clear and that cuts so deep.  If I’m being honest, that’s me in a nutshell.  Judgy Jessie.  Yet I would never call myself judgmental – not at all.  I let people grow and go at their own pace, and I accept everyone for who they are.  I learned the hard way that there really is no changing anyone (that isn’t seeking change for themselves).  BUT – if they aren’t as driven as me, as determined as me, as focused as me, as disciplined as me, if they don’t have the integrity that I have plus some, if they don’t have a solid work ethic, if they don’t have a plan then they certainly won’t be making it into my close circle of friends, and there is definitely no way that I’d ever consider dating them.  Let that be someone else’s project.

There it is.  I’ve shared my guts with you right there and it takes me back to the statement I made:

“I can’t live up to my own standards, how can I expect someone else to?”

I fall short.  I fail.  I let myself down.  I do those things to myself.  Me!  I!  Not on purpose, of course, but because I’m not perfect.  There, I said it.  I.  Am.  Not.  Perfect.  I’m not.  I fall short of my goals almost daily, and I’m always kicking myself.  But here’s the thing, actually here’s the two things:

1. I don’t set wimpy goals for myself
2. Even when I miss a mark, I reset and try again

Did you get that?  Some of you don’t know what you’re capable of because you’re setting these Mickey Mouse (sorry Disney) goals for yourselves.  Come on, man!  If a guy can amputate his own arm to save his life (127 Hours) and live to tell about it, you can do better. And when you fall short, stop spending six months to cry over spilled milk.  So what!?!?  You didn’t quite make it!  Big deal!  Look up the story on 409 (cleaner) for inspiration.  Mistakes are meant to be made.  Lessons are meant to be learned.  WE are meant to get stronger.  So toughen up.  It’s not the end of the world.  Draw a line in the sand and go for the gold.  Don’t even think about second place.  Nobody ever remembers that guy’s name anyway.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

Be Free

Thank God it’s FRIDAY!  Whew!  What a week?!?  What a last couple of weeks!  Goodness – I.  Am.  Tired.  We just wrapped filming yesterday, and I’m thankful.  My body is thankful.  I was barely drinking any water because we were filming all kinds of places, and didn’t always have easy access to a restroom.  My skin and my body has suffered because of it.  I feel like I’ve aged 10 years…looking all kinds of haggard and beat to hell.  But it’s done.  It’s over – at least this phase – and I met a lot of wonderful people.  One in particular inspired my posting today, and I can’t wait to dig in!

So this guy is one of the principals in the film, and he’s a stone-cold fool.  A straight up class clown.  Hyper as hell, always dancing or singing or both.  Like he’s giving the Energizer bunny a run for it’s money.  THAT style.  And he’s hilarious.  A natural comedian that seems to have no shame and no boundaries. 

So as we sat around yesterday I asked him, “Did you just get on all of your teachers’ nerves?  Were you that guy?”  And he told me he was quite the opposite.  He said it wasn’t until later that he came out of his shell, so to speak.  Then I got to wondering what was the trigger that broke him loose.  One doesn’t go from being the quiet kid to practical jokester overnight without some kind of catalyst.  And this is what he said, “I stopped caring.  I stopped caring what people thought of me.”

And when those words left his lips I got so envious and I felt like such a fool, because I knew EXACTLY what he meant and what he was talking about.  What comes across as an over-hyped class clown was just someone with no inhibitions.  What I thought was a stone-cold fool was me – behind closed doors.  He was no different from me!  I’m the clown and I’m the fool, but I’ve been too afraid to completely let loose.  To unleash.  To stop caring.  All of a sudden I felt like I was sitting at the feet of the wisest person ever when he said, “If you don’t care and have confidence at the same time, you’re unstoppable.  Be free.”  I don’t know if that hit home with anybody else, but it rocked me to my core.  He has given me the courage and the ok to be me.  All of this time I’ve thought I was a weird, awkward outcast, but I’m not.  I’m definitely an individual and there’s nothing wrong with that.  But I’ve not given anyone the opportunity to really get to know ME.  I’m giving everyone a watered down version of myself and now I know I don’t have to.  The wise man told me that it may not come easy at first.  He said when you first begin to break out, the initial reactions you receive from others will take some getting used to, but then it’s all gravy.  But no matter what:  confidence is key.  He said, “If you believe it, then they’ll believe it.”  What?!?!  It’s about to be a brand new day up in here.  The next time you see me just know that I’m not high.  I’m not drunk, and I’m not sleep deprived.  I’ve just stopped caring what you think, and I’ve decided it’s ok to be me.  The wise man’s name?  Juhahn Jones.  He gave me my life back.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.