Don't Scrub Away Your Identity

I’ve been away for a while…my apologies, but I needed to get my bearings.  Not to worry, I’m still here with bells on, kicking and screaming and still very much on my grind.  This is the last week of March, which also means that Q1 of 2013 is about to come to an end.  One quarter down…three to go.

I’ve devoted more than one blog post to “being yourself” and the notion of “loving you for you.”  I want to step back in the ring with those topics again today.  You’ll have to forgive me for being redundant, but this is what’s on my heart, and truth be told, more of you need to hear it than are willing to admit.

When I was living in Los Angeles, a friend gave me a belt made from old soda bottle caps.  It’s a pretty neat belt.  The buckle is fashioned like the buckle of seatbelt and though I’ve had it for more than a couple years now, I always get a compliment/comment or two when I wear it.  Here in New York, a girl said to me, “Nice belt!  I wish I could get away with wearing something like that!”

I thanked her for her compliment, but I couldn’t help feeling sorry for her.  I mean, come on – it’s a belt.  Not at all run-of-the-mill, but a belt nonetheless.  Why can’t she get away with wearing it?  What’s stopping her from putting on something of its kind?  She spoke as if I was wearing a Lady Gaga’esque costume of sorts.  It was a belt.  Not an extravagant headdress.  Not a purple wig (of which I also own and wear with pride).  Not stilts.  Not a risqué French maid uniform fit for Hugh Hefner’s crib.  It was a belt.  And even though she liked it, and the fashion statement it represented, she had such a low opinion of herself and/or low self-image, that she won’t allow herself to even think of wearing it.  At the end of the day she’s too concerned with how she will be perceived by others if she were to don this article of clothing.  It’s not so much that she “can’t get away with it,” because come on – you can wear whatever you feel like wearing.  We’re talking about New York for goodness sake.  You’d have to go out of your way to look weird here.  And by the by…no one cares.  Everyone is much too busy with their own stuff to even take the time to give you and your wardrobe (no matter how fancy you think you are) a second look.  No one cares.  And girl – we’re still talkin’ about a belt here.

But even if we broaden the scope, the message is still the same.  If your t-shirt is not offensive to others: wear it.  If your shoes aren’t gonna cause you to trip on the sidewalk: wear them.  If you like hot sauce on your potato chips: go for it.  If you don’t want to follow the career path that your parents have chosen for you: do it as diplomatically as you can, but speak up for yourself and let your voice be heard. 

Be you.

Love you.

It’s your individuality that makes you interesting.  If you’re totally consumed with fitting in and being like everyone else, what makes you special?  That’s almost like scrubbing away your fingerprint which just sounds foolish.  Don’t scrub you away.  When you think about your favorite contestants on American Idol, The Voice, So You Think You Can Dance, and/or America’s Next Top Model; they’re your favorites because they stood out in some way.  There was something memorable about them.  They left an impression.  Why should you be afraid to do the same thing?

Be the real you, and we will only love you more.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

photo:  www.stockfreeimages.com

Hugs-n-Kisses!

We all know that today has turned into a marketer’s dream.  A day when flowers are flying off the shelves, chocolates are a hot commodity, and every single restaurant in town will have a waiting list.  It’s gotten to be kind of a joke but that doesn’t stop the masses from participating in the madness that is Valentine’s Day.

Never mind all that silliness.  I want to take a second to remind you that regardless of the size of the gift(s) you may or may not receive, you are still important, and you will still be important when you wake up tomorrow.  Today really is just a day, but you are important and you are worthy.  No matter how many little Hershey’s or bags of Ghirardelli you get, remember to love yourself in the middle of it all.  Because when the flowers die and the chocolate is gone you still have to be happy with YOU.  Please don’t allow your self-worth to be tied to this day or to a gift.  At all times know who you are, and at all times love yourself.

Hugs-n-kisses from me to you.  Have a wonderful day.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES. 

Watch Me Take Flight

It’s not my quote, but I either read it somewhere this week, or someone shared it with me:  “Challenges in life are just opportunities.”  It may even be one of those fortune cookie proverbs that everyone but me has heard before.  But when I heard it (or read it), I was compelled to write it down and meditate on it for a while because it instantly reminded me of the film EVAN ALMIGHTY.  If you’ve seen it you know that it’s a little – ok, more than a little – cheesy; like they are really doing too much.  I’ll be honest, first time I popped the DVD in, the best things I had to say about it were the DVD extras and behind the scenes stuff.  I digress, but as a film they wanted to practice what they were preaching so they calculated the carbon footprint made during the entire filming process, and planted a tree for each footprint.  Kinda cool…the whole cast rode bikes to set everyday…stuff like that… But the film itself just didn’t move me.  Then for some silly reason earlier this year I had a hankerin’ to rewatch this snoozer of a film.  Made absolutely no sense.  I stood there with the DVD in my hand for what seemed like thirty minutes or more saying, “You’ve already seen this, and it tanked.”  But again, for some silly reason, I popped it in, and snuggled up with my Stewie Griffin doll to watch.  And as if it was a previously deleted scene the next thing that I’m about to share with you might as well had jumped off the screen into my living room, it was so profound.  Here we go… 

If you haven’t seen the movie I won’t be spoiling much of anything, but I’m not gonna’ spend any time giving you a lot of back story.  That’s not the important part.  It’s this conversational exchange that I want you to get.  OK, I lied…this is the only back story you get:  at the start of the movie the wife mentioned below prayed to God that her family grow closer and stronger.  Take a look… (paraphrasing) 

GOD:  You seem a little down.  Are you ok?

WIFE:  You heard of New York’s Noah?  Well, that’s my husband.

GOD:  Oh, wow.

WIFE:  I just don’t know what to do.  He’s hell-bent on building this ark, and I just think it’s crazy.  Gosh…what would you do?

GOD:  Sounds like an opportunity to me.

WIFE:  What?  What do you mean?

GOD:  Well someone prays for courage – God doesn’t instantly bless them with courage.  He gives them an opportunity to be courageous.  Someone prays to God for strength – He doesn’t just shower them with strength; He gives them an opportunity to be strong.  Someone says a prayer asking that their family grow closer – it doesn’t happen with a snap of a finger.  God gives them an opportunity to build closeness. 

B  A  M  !!!!!! 

I lie to you not.  I stopped the DVD, looked around my apartment, and asked stuffed Stewie if he had just heard what I had just heard.  Stewie nodded (with some help from my hand) so I hit rewind and watched that clip seven more times before I let the rest of the film play out.  What.  The.  Deuce?  I’m telling you just as sure as I sit right here and type, I have no doubt that that message was meant for me.  I was at the beginnings of hell breaking itself loose in my life and that bit of on-screen dialogue lifted me up in a major way.  I kept it with me for a long time this year, but when “challenges in life are just opportunities” was presented to me two days ago; I realized I hadn’t thought of my EVAN ALMIGHTY exchange in a while.  I feel like the resurgence of the quote was the universe tapping me on my shoulder saying, “remember this?”  And all of it has so impacted me that I felt compelled to share it with you.  It’s definitely a different mindset than most of us are taught.  Embracing challenges and hardships?  Seeing the hell of it all as an opportunity?  For real, God?  Yep, He’s for real.  But it’s not about a system of belief – get that through your head.  Let me show you why… 

Let’s take it back to learning to ride a bike – or learning any sport for that matter.  You fall off the bike, off the ice skates, tumble over the hurdles on the track time and time again = challenge.  The opportunities you’re being presented with are many. 

Here your chance to:

-- build your discipline

-- increase your focus

-- develop patience

-- build your physical fitness

-- hone your craft 

Disguised as a challenge, these are the opportunities that you’re being given, and you know I’m right.  Apply that same logic and thought process to every other challenge you’re presented with and watch yourself soar.  Move over, ‘cause I’m about to spread my wings right now – don’t want to hit you. 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

Is That Your House On the Corner?

When you know who you are and you know your worth, there are just some things that you will not tolerate.  But when you know neither, you end up living on the corner of Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However Lane.  And that is an ugly place to be.  No rules.  No standards.  No procedural systems in place creating a life of chaos where you’re jumping from one fire to the next.  Who really wants to live like that?  Spending all your energy putting out fires and implementing urgent measures of damage control at every turn.  For what?  Because he’s foolish?  Because she’s messed up in the head?  Because your boss has it out for you?  Because your professor’s a jerk?  Stop pointing fingers because once again, the buck stops with you.  People can only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.  They can only get away with those things that you don’t call them out on.  YOU are the problem – not them.  YOU need to get YOUR act together in order for THEM to change their ways.  When you’re driving from state to state you change your speed many times primarily because you’ve been asked to do so by the posted signs alongside the road.  Standards have been established and you’ve been expected to abide by them, or suffer the consequences.  Your life is no different.  Human interaction is no different.  You have to set the standards by which you want to be dealt.  You have to:

 

(a) set the standards

(b) inform those around you of said standards

(c) develop consequences for not keeping in line with your standards

(d) enforce those consequences at every turn

 

And when you look at it in that fashion, I even admit, it looks and sounds a bit too rigid – too unforgiving.  But let me show you what the alternative is…

 

You have an argument with your significant other and he tells you to “Shut the f*&% up!” or she attacks you purposefully pushing the one button that will send you over the edge.  Those living in chaos will accept this behavior as, “Oh, he didn’t mean it,” or “That’s just how she is.”  They will eventually kiss and make up just to catch the bus to the verbal lashings to be exchanged in a few days; and that will be their cycle.  They will live a life of misery, pain, hurt, and dysfunction because no one has set any standards.

 

On the flip side…for that female that has standards, the first time some craziness came out of his mouth she would have called him on it.  Letting him know that she is not to be talked to that way.  Letting him know that she will not stay in even a relationship where she’s not respected.  At that point he has a choice:  (1) follow the new posted speed limit or (2) continue driving at the speed he’s been cruising at for some time.  That’s it.  The ball is now in his court and the choice is now his. 

 

The tricky part comes when he/she slips up after the standards and consequences have already been discussed.  You have to be strong enough to enforce the consequence or else you’ve completely failed yourself.  Honestly.  You are worth so much more and you need to demand the dignity and the respect that you deserve.  That goes for everyone.  Don’t let people do you any kind of way – don’t.  Let them know who you are upfront.  You’ll be so happy you did.  There is so much power, strength and confidence that comes when operating on this level.  It’s a confidence that can’t be shaken and it’s a respect that others can see from a mile away.  Vow to get some of that for yourself.  If you’re living on the corner of  Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However Lane, please plan to relocate.  Your peace of mind is depending on it. 

 

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.

 

photo:  http://www.stockfreeimages.com/