When you know
who you are and you know your worth, there are just some things that you will
not tolerate. But when you know neither,
you end up living on the corner of Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However
Lane. And that is an ugly place to
be. No rules. No standards.
No procedural systems in place creating a life of chaos where you’re
jumping from one fire to the next. Who
really wants to live like that? Spending
all your energy putting out fires and implementing urgent measures of damage
control at every turn. For what? Because he’s foolish? Because she’s messed up in the head? Because your boss has it out for you? Because your professor’s a jerk? Stop pointing fingers because once again, the
buck stops with you. People can only
treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. They can only get away with those things that
you don’t call them out on. YOU are the
problem – not them. YOU need to get YOUR
act together in order for THEM to change their ways. When you’re driving from state to state you
change your speed many times primarily because you’ve been asked to do so by
the posted signs alongside the road.
Standards have been established and you’ve been expected to abide by
them, or suffer the consequences. Your
life is no different. Human interaction
is no different. You have to set the
standards by which you want to be dealt.
You have to:
(a) set the
standards
(b) inform
those around you of said standards
(c) develop
consequences for not keeping in line with your standards
(d) enforce
those consequences at every turn
And when you look
at it in that fashion, I even admit, it looks and sounds a bit too rigid – too unforgiving. But let me show you what the alternative is…
You have an
argument with your significant other and he tells you to “Shut the f*&% up!”
or she attacks you purposefully pushing the one button that will send you over
the edge. Those living in chaos will
accept this behavior as, “Oh, he didn’t mean it,” or “That’s just how she is.” They will eventually kiss and make up just to
catch the bus to the verbal lashings to be exchanged in a few days; and that
will be their cycle. They will live a
life of misery, pain, hurt, and dysfunction because no one has set any standards.
On the flip
side…for that female that has standards, the first time some craziness came out
of his mouth she would have called him on it.
Letting him know that she is not to be talked to that way. Letting him know that she will not stay in
even a relationship where she’s not respected.
At that point he has a choice:
(1) follow the new posted speed limit or (2) continue driving at the
speed he’s been cruising at for some time.
That’s it. The ball is now in his
court and the choice is now his.
The tricky
part comes when he/she slips up after the standards and consequences have
already been discussed. You have to be
strong enough to enforce the consequence or else you’ve completely failed
yourself. Honestly. You are worth so much more and you need to
demand the dignity and the respect that you deserve. That goes for everyone. Don’t let people do you any kind of way – don’t. Let them know who you are upfront. You’ll be so happy you did. There is so much power, strength and
confidence that comes when operating on this level. It’s a confidence that can’t be shaken and it’s
a respect that others can see from a mile away.
Vow to get some of that for yourself.
If you’re living on the corner of Anything Goes Blvd and Treat Me However Lane,
please plan to relocate. Your peace of
mind is depending on it.
My name is
Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING
ON A FEW TOES.
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