Don't Be a Broken Record

I’m beginning my prep for a speaking engagement I have next week.  I’ve been asked to speak at an event geared towards empowering women – specifically troubled teen girls.  I am very excited about the opportunity and I’m looking forward to connecting with the girls.  Nothing pains me more than to see a disgruntled child or adolescent.  They typically begin acting out in strange, and often times bad and dangerous ways because they are unable to effectively articulate the mixed emotions they’re experiencing.  And most often folks do the best they can to treat the bad behavior as opposed to the cause.  Just like most doctors.  You go in and say you’ve got a rash here and they give you a cream.  My question is, “What caused the rash?”  Let’s treat that.  The cream is just a band aid, it’s no cure.  And just like with physical ailments we really need to be focused on CURING the kids.  And it’s tough.  When their behavior is so erratic and out there all you wan to do is slap some sense into them, take away privileges,  or try yet another round of Time Out for the really young ones.  Yes.  All of those things are necessary (minus the slapping) to establish structure and discipline, but they alone won’t cure a thing.  They keep the disciplinarian happy temporarily, meanwhile the child is usually planning their next attack, and that unhealthy, damaging cycle will continue, for years in some cases, until the parent/guardian takes the time to dig deeper.  And digging deeper is HARD work.  It’s some of the toughest manual labor anyone will ever do, and it can be really hard on a parent because unbeknownst to them they are often times at the root of the problem.  And not necessarily because they are awful people, but perhaps because of a series of circumstances they put their child in…a series of unhealthy choices they made…it could be something as simple as repeatedly arguing with a spouse in front of the child.  It could be anything.  And it doesn’t always have to make sense.  THAT’S what we have to get.  These are kids.  Children.  It won’t always make sense.  Kids grow up with a vision of what they want their lives to be like, and when reality doesn’t match up to that vision – in whatever way – it can cause some grief and that grief can lead to any number of things.  But without taking the time to dig deeper you’ll never find out what’s at the bottom of all the angst and anger.  Instead you’ll keep wagging your finger, raising your voice, and asking your kid, “Do you understand me?  I don’t want to have to tell you this again.”  Well if that’s how you’re handling it…be prepared to be a broken record.

You can do better, and your child deserves better.

My name is Jasmynne Shaye, and this is me STEPPING ON A FEW TOES.